Breastfeeding in Church

While on vacation this weekend, my family and I went to visit a church.  My husband had been there before and 'warned' me that it was full of young families with several children and that he noticed mothers didn't leave church to breastfeed their children.  He even told me of one lady that fed her baby right in the front row.

I couldn't imagine such a place because as much as I can remember, I'm not sure I've ever seen another woman feeding her baby in church.  Like, in the sanctuary, while church is taking place.  Most go to a mother's room or a church nursery, missing out on vital parts of fellowship and teaching.  If a woman wants to leave because the baby might be too distracted to nurse or maybe is a loud eater, that's fine by me.  What I don't like is the pressure to leave because you're doing something inappropriate, shameful and even a little bit dirty.   

In some places, I know it's taught and expected that a woman would leave and feed her child elsewhere. 

The church culture where I live is conservative in this arena.  But these thoughts aren't just from churches, but an echo of our society.  When around other friends and family members who are breastfeeding, most bring pumped milk, formula or leave the room to feed their babies.  

But I don't leave; I think I've breastfed my kids in pretty much every place imaginable.  And I get raised eyebrows, but I'm not bothered by that.  When my baby needs to eat, I feed him...and I say that not out of pride and vindication, as in, "Watch me whip out my boob and feed my baby!  Mwahahaha!  Oh, did I just spray some breast milk in your coffee?  Sorry!  Too bad for YOU!" but in a spirit of, "This is normal.  And in order to encourage women to breastfeed and normalize nursing, I will feed my baby here."

I've even heard stories of women being kicked out of their churches for breastfeeding in church.  Some receive letters from their elder board, some are invited to conversations with their pastors and asked to refrain or leave and I've even heard of one story where the lady was 'called out' in church. 

It makes me sad that some people of God don't encourage a mother to feed her child.  When able, God has given women a remarkable gift, nothing that should be shamed, but instead embraced.  It truly is a miracle and something that is honorable.  It is also a representation of how God has cared and nursed His people. (Isaiah 66 is perhaps the most compelling.) 

The Church should be the first place that exalts and makes room for a mother to do one of her jobs.  

I'm not talking exalt, as in, party, streamers, parade or disco ball.   Nothing like a Mardi Gras-inspired fete.  I'm talking about skipping the shame and welcoming all family members to worship -- not condemning two of them to a metal folding chair in a stinky bathroom or poorly-heated lonely room with pastel colored wallpaper circa 1991.

So, while a guest at this church over the weekend, my son needed to eat (and nap), so I started breastfeeding.  And for goodness' sake, we were on couches, so that made it really easy to feed the babe!  As I could see many other mothers all around me, I noticed others discreetly feeding their babies throughout the service -- during communion, worship, and the sermon. And no one batted an eye. 

It was wonderful.

Our church is awesome and I've never had anyone specifically ask me, but I'm maybe some in our congregation have wondered why I don't leave the room when I breastfeed my kids.  I get done leading worship and I breastfeed Mylo, while my husband starts the sermon.  No big deal.  There's a lot of answers (some displayed above), but mostly, I know that I have young eyes watching me all the time.  And I hope I can inspire some of them and encourage them that's it's normal, even in church, to take care of the needs of your children.  :)

We, as the people of God, should be leading our culture with this message; breastfeeding is normal, natural, acceptable and a gift from God.

Church

Weekend Reading: 3/2/12

Happy weekend, everyone!  I hope this week has treated you with kindness and you have an opportunity to relax this weekend.  Here's a few things I've read this week that are great for thought.  Enjoy!

Breastfeeding isn't just a personal choice - it's also about public health.

George Gallagher shares why organic goods cost more.

An easy way to grow a consistent crop of cilantro (read: no bolting)! 

Are you looking for a healthy alternative to store-bought cooking spray?  What about coconut oil and unbleached liquid lecithin?

Dionna shares 101 things you can do instead of yelling or spanking.

Getting Pregnant While Breastfeeding

Many people don't think you can get pregnant while breastfeeding, let alone breastfeed a baby while pregnant with another.  I'm currently doing the latter (with no plans to stop) and did the former as well.

Some people know that you can get pregnant while breastfeeding, from um, say, personal, perhaps accidental, experience. 

While it's true that breastfeeding can provide you with natural birth control, you still can get pregnant.  I didn't want India to sleep through the night, and promoted lactational amennorhea, for at least the first year of her life.  If you nurse consistently, most likely your period won't return until you introduce solids and cut back on nursing.  Or if your baby sleeps through the night.  *Most likely.*  Don't send me hate mail if you are one of the "lucky" ones who gets their period back at three months postpartum.  I'm sorry, I really am!

My journey:

My period returned in May, at about 10 months postpartum, after India went through a phase of sleeping through the night and I wasn't waking her to nurse.  I wasn't happy about it because I have friends who go 15, 18, 23 months or even longer without a period and I was not feeling ready for another baby at that point!  

Since we use the Fertility Awareness Method (FAM), I sort of half-way began to look out for any signs of fertility to prevent pregnancy.  I say half-way, because I know my body pretty well and it doesn't take more than 30 seconds of daily observation for me to know if my body is ovulating or not.  To my amazement and gratefulness, there were no signs of fertility.  This continued through the summer.  

In September, when my daughter was coming up on 14 months old, I got a case of baby fever and I started to think about having another little munchkin.  But my body was still regulating and I wasn't ovulating yet.  I wasn't ready to wean my daughter in order to jump start my fertility.  I knew I just had to be patient, but I was starting to feel ready, which was a big shock because pregnancy wasn't kind to me.  I'm not one of those ladies who just loves being pregnant.  Nope.
 

Remember how I said we use Fertility Awareness Method (FAM) to track fertility signs and how much I love it?  Well, this is just one more little pat on FAM's back.   In October, I had all signs and symptoms that I normally do for ovulation, except I didn't seem to have a lot of cervical fluid.  If we didn't use FAM, I could have gone on for months trying to have a baby and perhaps been diagnosed with secondary infertility, when I just needed more cervical fluid - all because breastfeeding left me with very little.  I know women quite often have less cervical fluid while breastfeeding.  It's very common for breastfeeding mothers to feel, um, dry.  Well, in order to get pregnant, cervical fluid is a vital part of the process.  A quick Google search of "how to naturally increase cervical fluid" brought me to a common oil, Evening Primrose Oil, that is rich in essential fatty acids.  I had heard of it, but didn't know much about it, or that it was actually a cheap and readily available product.  Many woman use it near the end of their pregnancy and during menopause and many others use it to help with arthritis and eczema.  But it's also frequently used for increasing the amount and quality of cervical fluid.  Here's how it works.

I decided that I would take it the next cycle because I only wanted to try for a baby that month because that would give me a due date of late July or early August and I was OK with that.  As long as I wasn't pregnant the whole summer!  Getting pregnant in December or January wasn't an option because I didn't want a baby born in September or October because that would mean I would be VERY pregnant the WHOLE summer. 

So, I take the Evening Primrose Oil and well, whaddya know, I'm preggo the next month, November.  Maybe it was the Evening Primrose Oil (EPO), maybe my body just regulated itself, but from everything I could tell the EPO helped greatly!

I share all this because I have several friends who are still breastfeeding and have had some difficulty getting pregnant, so I figure there are many others who are in the same boat!  Maybe it's something as simple as increasing your cervical fluid.  :)

Image source

Weekend Reading: 1/13/12

Hi everyone!  It's been quite a while since I've done a post of weekend reading, but with old man winter finally showing up for many of us, I figure this is the perfect time to grab some tea, read some thought-provoking posts, challenge ourselves and pray for others!

Happy weekend and happy reading!

Sarah's post, called Emotional Nudists, challenges me as I struggle with vulnerability sometimes. From the post:

But, I say, I will not, I cannot feel that kind of hurt again. I pad my heart so carefully against injury. So I put up walls ... I build up bricks of protection ... Never again, I say. Never. But with all love comes some hurt. With all real emotion comes transparency and with living in an emotionally naked way comes vulnerability.

Please be in prayer for Courtney, as her son, Tripp, is nearing the end of his little life on this earth.

Vanessa asks if $1 really makes a difference in the fight for racial equality.

Read about (and even sign) the petition to bring breastfeeding back to Sesame Street.  I remember when it was on there and didn't think a thing of it!

Emily at Frugal Granola shares a free tutorial on making Homemade Bulk Shopping Bags.

Annalise shares how to make lovely, homemade pure vanilla extract!  Yum!

Natural Family Planning

Well, hello!  To add to the topics that make my family members embarrassed to call me their own and might even got some feathers ruffled, today I share with you some information on family planning.

Yes, family planning.

*waves hello to all the family members reading this post (you all can turn around now if this is TMI)*

My life has been a learning forum, and this blog, in part, is used to share useful information. 

Since I share candidly on this topic with friends and have even taught courses on it overseas, this is some information I may as well publicly share with the blogosphere.

Many of you remember that I've never been anxious for India to sleep through the night.  In fact, many times I set my alarm and woke her up to nurse, to keep my cycles at bay. That method of family planning, falls into the category of Lactational Ammenorrhea, and I was quite successful at it!  As cute as India was, I didn't want another little one running around.  Between nursing frequently and because I had previously tracked my cycles, I knew what signs normally meant my body was getting ready to ovulate.  I won't be covering lactational ammenorrhea in this post, but instead will focus on others methods of natural birth control.

Natural Family Planning (NFP), as it's most commonly known, is also known as the Fertility Awareness Method (FAM), sypmtothermal method, charting method, or the Pull 'n Pray method.  It can be a very effective tool for avoiding or achieving pregnancy.  For the ease of everyone, I'll refer to these symptom-based methods as FAM, since that's what method I'm familiar with.

In short, FAM is exactly what it's called: being aware of your body and your fertility.  Through a course of monitoring your body's signs you can know much about your body. 

Some people get headaches regularly, which can often be tracked back to ovulation.  Others can easily explain how, after using FAM, they were able to figure out their luteal phase was too short.  I've heard several stories of women who have tried to get pregnant, but didn't until they tracked their cycles.


How does it work?

Calendar-based: Based on the assumption that a woman's cycle is 28 days long, ovulation is estimated at Day 14.  Days 8-19 are considered fertile days.  While this has a 95% effective rate, I personally would have been pregnant years ago had I just gone off the calendar.
 
Symptothermal: Using a woman's cycle as the base of calculations, a combination of symptoms are observed: daily temperatures recorded upon waking, cervical mucous, cervical position and opening, and some consult ovulation tests for added confirmation.  It sounds like a lot of work but it really takes less than 5 minutes a day during your most fertile point.  As you approach ovulation, you either practice abstinence or take some sort of preventative measure.  Ovulation is confirmed with a rise in your basal body temperature.

Chart from http://www.fertilityfriend.com/layouts/ttc/help/chart_key.html.  You can see the direct rise in temperature, confirming ovulation.  Days 13 - 16 would either call for abstinence or a barrier method is preventing pregnancy.

Does it work?

If you do FAM guessing on dates, skip taking your temperatures and having lots of "oops" sex, the answer is: no.  There is a church in my town in which many of the newly married women practice some sort of calendar or symptoms based method.  I'm friends with several of these women and it became quite a joke as one by one, most got pregnant fairly quickly after getting married.  We'd laugh together as they would share their "oops" stories!  Many of them will tell you it doesn't work.  

However, if you are aware of your body (which after 3 - 4 months you will know your cycle VERY well), FAM can work well at preventing or achieving pregnancy.  Some studies have found that there is a 99.6% effectiveness rate!


Why not just take the pill? 

Because I wanted my body to function as intended (which includes ovulation), I wasn't comfortable taking the Pill, getting an IUD or taking any shots, and I chose FAM.  I wanted to be natural and aware of my body.  Suppressing ovulation, stopping something my body is supposed to do, didn't seem like a great idea to me.  I also wasn't comfortable with the fact that sometimes those methods of birth control fail and don't suppress ovulation.  When that happens, fertilization of an egg is possible, thus creating a little life.  However, the above methods of birth control make your uterine lining inhospitable, making it very difficult for the fertilized egg, or in my opinion, a new life, to implant and therefore, greatly increases your chance of spontaneous abortion.  Of course, we all hear stories and know women who get pregnant on the pill or with an IUD, and deliver a healthy baby.  There's a lot of ifs and thens, but because of these two reasons, I've decided to stick with FAM for the last 10 years.

Yes, 10 years.  So, yes, I'd say it's been very effective at preventing and achieving pregnancy!   Perhaps I'll post more on that in the future.  But for the people who say it's impossible: I'm here to tell you, it's not.

OK, so where do I start?

I think the best resource on any symptothermal method is Toni Weschler's book, Taking Charge of Your Fertility.  It's the most comprehensive guide and takes a very balanced approach (unlike traditional NFP which doesn't allow for barrier methods).  Reading this post or even reading Taking Charge of Your Fertility can seem so daunting, but really, it's not that difficult to grasp.  The first month or two, as you're learning your body, be sure to use some sort of barrier method unless you're absolutely positive you're not fertile.  As you get more comfortable with the course of your cycles, you'll quickly know, through observation and temping, when you're ovulating.  Many women also use Fertility Friend to easily monitor their cycles and I noticed they even have an easy online primer course to get started!

Knowing what your body is doing helps give explanation to so many other symptoms that occur in a woman's body.  This simple knowledge, that costs next to nothing and takes very little time, is something that every woman can easily know about her body if she wants.

Have you ever used or considered a symptothermal based method?

My first nurse-in: Thank you, Target

About a month ago, a Texas mother of four, Heather, was shopping at Target with her sleeping infant and a cart full of items.  Her baby woke up, fussy, hungry and needed to eat.  Heather sat down on the floor, behind a jean display, found a remote area of the store by the women's fitting rooms, and fed her baby.  She was covered with a blanket, but that point is really immaterial because what happens next is where the problems lie.  She was confronted by two store employees and asked to face the wall or go in the dressing rooms.  What entailed was several more Target store employees making their dislikes known, despite Heather's legal right to feed her child there. Heather contacted Target's corporate office and got a similar response: they were aware of her legal rights, but still didn't want that happening in their stores and had set different policies in place.  

And so plans for the nationwide Target nurse-in began, which ended up being the largest collective gathering of its sort and has garnered much attention.  Target as a box store it carries tons of breastfeeding-friendly supplies, but it also has a bit of a history of unfriendly responses to breastfeeding mothers.  Target's breastfeeding policy is aware of the law and is somewhat welcoming of breastfeeding, but many of the employees haven't been made aware of this fact.

The intention of the nurse-in was to be peaceful -- nothing obscene or flamboyant.  I wouldn't have gone otherwise.  We were to go and browse, shop, eat and be natural - whether that meant feeding our babies or not.  No signs, no chants, no pow-wows.  Just a reminder, not only to Target, but to other moms that breastfeeding isn't obscene, but it's just something that has to happen sometimes.

I remember when India was young, and I'd so meticulously plan my shopping trips, trying to make sure she was fed and changed and quick! we were out the door hoping to make it through a store before she needed to eat again.  It was stressful and quite often I would end up staying home because I was worried about offending someone.  I know many moms worry about this and stay home.  Eventually, I gained more confidence and skill nursing in public.  In all the times I've nursed in stores, I don't think one person has ever noticed me doing it.  I normally nurse her in a carrier, and you can't tell what I'm doing.  Even while shopping with one of Dallas' friends one time, India needed to eat, so I fed her and he had no idea and we all talked and joked and laughed and walked around the store.  He just thought she was sleeping.   

Today was no different.  A few of us gathered at a Target cafe, got some food and drinks and chatted like old friends, even though we were strangers.  Occasionally a baby would get hungry, get fed and then, right back to normal life.  We did some shopping in the store, played with our kids, and talked about lots of things.  One thing we didn't talk about that much was breastfeeding!  Kind of funny being that we were at a nurse-in, but for us, it wasn't a big deal.  We weren't demanding anything and I don't think one person ever noticed any of us were breastfeeding. I'm all for breastfeeding, but I'm not one to get all protest-ey.  I swore I'd never do something like this, but this was too peaceful to pass up.

The majority of the time, I  publicly breastfeed covered because it works for us.  I prefer that people don't see much of my breasts, whether breastfeeding or cleavage - and I've been blessed with a baby who is fine with a cover (most aren't).  I don't care if you cover or not. 

Funny thing is, I've gotten some really nasty looks when I whip out my breastfeeding cover in public and don't have India in a carrier while she nurses.  Today, India cuddled with me on my lap and not a soul that walked by did a double take while I breastfed her without a cover.  It was a little experiment.  You couldn't see one centimeter of bare skin, so there was nothing to set off any 'alarm' and it just looked like I was rocking my baby.  I guarantee if I did that with a cover on, I would've got the stink eye and many double takes.  It's very interesting how that works!

The complainers on the other side voice concerns over women just "whipping it out" and they "don't want to see boob" or "there's a time and place for that; it's private".  I'm sorry, but if those are your strongest arguments, you need to put a blanket over your head, because breasts and cleavage are everywhere.   On billboards, ads, commercials, magazines YOU buy, tags from clothing YOU buy, movies YOU watch, TV shows YOU watch, YOUR home computer and visible on countless other people you encounter as you go about the course of your day.  While I was at Target, I saw a woman bend over with a low-cut shirt, which revealed more breast than any of us women had showed collectively.  A girl walked out of the store with butt-cheek shorts on (yes, in December!) and no one told her to cover up her booty and there was an appropriate time and place for that.  As I was checking out, I saw magazines with cleavage galore.  No one told them to put it away and "don't whip it out" and instead promoted their display of breasts and the sexual objectification of women by buying that magazine.  

I really don't mean to be crass or snarky, but some of those arguments are ridiculous. 

Of course, I respect people who are all or nothing, deciding that they don't want to see any breasts in any, way, shape or form.  Hopefully, they are diligently petitioning to rid stores of Cosmo, InTouch and Redbook magazines and confronting women who are scantily-clad and asking them to change.  I respect that with all of my heart, because that is conviction followed through, not just ranted about. 

But many of the complainers have found a spot to perch their butts on the hypocritical line between sexy-breasts-are-fine but breasts-for-feeding-are-gross.  If the issue is really that you don't want to see boobs, then follow that through in ALL areas, please.  But don't ever let me catch you showing a drop of cleavage.  :)  

Ultimately, you sometimes have to make the choice to turn your head and not look if something really bothers you that much.  Just like I do when someone is chomping their food in a restaurant or when I see more butt crack on the bleachers at a basketball game than the public toilet sees all night.

I half expected a nurse-in to be yelling and chanting and causing a ruckus in a store.  I don't think those types of nurse-ins do good for the cause of breastfeeding.  But this was exactly the opposite.  I loved that this nurse-in, which at the very last minute, a bunch of things lined up and made it possible for me to go, wasn't bombastic or slamming formula-feeding or even mad at Target. 

It was just a gentle, respectful reminder to all that breastfeeding is normal and way better than a screaming baby, any day! 

Nationwide Target Nurse-In

More blog posts from today's nurse-in and of a similar nature (feel free to link your post in the comments: 

Safiyyah
Sarah
Imperfect Mama 
Public breastfeeding needs respect
Breastfeeding in public IS offensive 

Weekend Reading: Stuff I'm passionate about! 9/30

Here are some of my favorite finds I've found this week.  I'll be honest, this week I've purposely picked things that I'm passionate about!   Enjoy!

Womens healthcare: Rebekah shares how Moon Cups are helping women burdened with horrible obstetric fistulas in Ethiopia.  Fistulas are quite often caused because many young girls' underdeveloped bodies can't handle labor and during the prolonged labor, they suffer tears in their rectum or bladder.  It causes them to leak urine or feces, leaving not only a stench, but it also leaves many women paralyzed and ostracized.

Baby-wearing: Vanessa at Jewels & Treasures has a giveaway for a Mei Tei carrier!

World milk-sharing week this week: Jennifer's son is born still and in spite of her tragic loss, she spends her days postpartum pumping and donating her breastmilk.

Happy weekend and happy reading! 

If you see a zombie mom...

*this was written on Monday, but in my zombieness I didn't get this published until today, Tuesday*

If you see a zombie mom, that'd be me.  Yep, hi there, I'm sleep deprived! 

And if you see a zombie dad, that's be my husband.  He says hello.

Forgoodnesssake, you'd think we had a newborn baby in our house, but no, we're actually the parents of an almost 15 month old little girl.  She's super cute.  Really, she is. 

She's also getting her molars, which makes for interesting sleep.

On top of that, we decided that since she's teething this would be an awesome time (sarcasm font) to see if she would possibly take a bottle in the middle of the night from her Dad, instead of me breastfeeding her. 

"What a horrible idea!" you say.  And I know that.

But see, it's actually a good idea because we're trying to get away for a night or two for our 10 year wedding anniversary coming up in a little over a week.  In order for us to 'get away', we need to leave our daughter overnight with someone else.  She still sometimes wakes in the night to nurse, so we wanted to see how she'd fare with a bottle at 5 AM from this someone else. 

Let's just say it wasn't good. 

I "slept" on the couch last night, while Dallas got our bed all to himself, something he probably enjoys because even though he is the largest member of our family, when the smallest member of our family joins us in bed at night, she takes up half of it because she insists on sleeping sideways.  She also insists on kicking him in the face (which, is hilarious), so a night with the bed all to himself is almost as grand as the Vikings winning a football game.  Obviously, neither happen very often.

This picture accurately depicts the average husband/wife bed....

And then you throw the kicking face toddler in there and it actually looks like this...

His lone enjoyment of our bed lasted for, um, maybe 15 minutes when the baby started crying way earlier than her normal middle of the night waking time.  Of course, my Mom Alert, which can standard with the growth of my uterus, kicked in and I laid silently on the couch, listening to the lil' drama mama in the room next door.  I really, really, really just wanted to solve the problem with my b00b...like, Hello!  I have the answer!  We can ALL be happy again! 

But I stayed out of sight on the living room couch.

The good news is that she did take the bottle.  The bad news is that she screamed for two hours before, after and during, resulting in zombie mom and zombie dad.

I guess this could quite possibly be called a 'real parent' now that we're finally experiencing some sleep deprivation.  We've been spoiled rotten and she's always been a great sleeper, so we actually got more sleep during the newborn stage of parenting than ever before in our lives!

I do have to give major props to Zombie Dad; two hours of a screaming 14-month old in the middle of the night is really equal to about 8 hours of sceaming baby in the daytime.  Yep, in the realm of parenting, nighttime woes are quadrupled.  My husband gets major points for last night for dancing with her, singing to her, cuddling her, bobbling her around and just all around loving the little zombie creator who did nothing but scream at the sight of him. 

We're going to try it again tonight, but so far the jury in our house is saying that it looks like India might join us for our anniversary trip because we definitely don't want this zombie-ness to consume another family member!  ;-)

Stay tuned for more Zombie Mom and Zombie Dad....

I take her for granted

A couple I know lost their precious baby boy this week.  Devastating. 

My heart aches and breaks every time I hear these stories no matter if it's a good friend or someone I've never seen because it would be one of the most crushing circumstances that we can imagine as mothers. 

So, I cry and I hold my baby close, smell her head, kiss her a million times, apologize a billion times and ask God to help me remember what a blessing she is.  And I pray for those who are hurting because of such a traumatic loss.

It's easy to take my daughter for granted in the routine or even difficult moments.  It's easy to yell at her, sigh as she ruins one more thing, lose my patience as she cries and whines at my feet, curse under my breath as she arches her back in a tantrum, and ignore her when 'I have things to do'. 

I have many friends who have lost children and would love to have even a few hair-pulling moments with their child right now....if that meant having a few more minutes with their precious baby.  I don't want to forget what a gift she is, to thank God for this little person and be grateful for this beautiful piece of my husband and me.

I love.love.love....

-the sweet smell of my daughter's breath

-her little and big tooth bite

-when she pulls close to me and kisses me

-her chubby wrists

-the endless sounds, shreiks and shrills

-her signs, communicating her needs

-how she dances the instant music turns on

-her whisper voice

-her call for 'Mama' - "mamamamamamaaaa"

-the way she walks around the house, calling for me, not satisfied until she's right back at my side

-her smile when I hide my face

-her sleepy eyes while she breastsfeeds

-her smiles and giggles when she breastfeeds

-how she has been a little ham since forever

-the way she mimics everything I do

-when I whisper in her ear that there is nothing she could do to make me love her less and she giggles

-the way her lower lip quivers when she cries

-her excitement when Dada comes home

-the way she tucks her lip in

-how she opens her eyes wide and says 'Oh' as soon as she wakes up and many times thereafter

-her desire for comfort

-how she takes apart and climbs on everything

-how she MUST have a baby in her arms at all times

-how she signs 'baby'

-her inhale giggle

-the way she says and signs 'outside' - "ouss-ide"

-her smart mind

-the smell of her head, it's delicious

-her proud smile - big and cheesy

-how she MUST as 'was sat?' (what's that) a hundred times even when she knows full well exactly what it is

-the way she explores everything

-her wispy curls

-how she pats my back as we cuddle

-her tiny tears that take a lot of emotion in order to appear

-when her little hands find their way to my mouth

-her shreiks of glee as she is the center of attention

-bright blus eyes that love me

-when she wears tight shirt or pants and I can see every roll

-the way she makes friends with EVERYONE by yelling 'hi', flashing a big cheesy grin and waving

-when I ask her if she's Mama's baby and she shakes her head and says 'yah'

-the way she says goodbye to al her new friends by blowing kisses and waving 'bye'

-her nekkid body

-her big hugs

-the way she runs away from my laptop when she gets caught pounding on it

-how she thinks she's hilarious when she signs 'potty' and makes the SSSSSSSSSSSsssssss sounds

Every single minute of her life, this life, is a gift.

India trying to wear my flip flops. :)

I've been labeled

Breastfeeder.

No Poo.

Crunchy.

Co-sleeper.

Green.

Baby led solids.

Baby wearing.

Natural living.

Organic.

Weird.

All of these words I have used or others have used to describe me.  I've been labeled, but it doesn't bother me.  Labels don't have to be a bad thing. 

Many people don't like labels.  They don't want to have to be forced to fit inside a box, made of perfect square corners.

I don't fit in all of those boxes nicely, nor do I feel compelled that either you or I need to fit into those boxes perfectly.

At what point is someone labeled as someone who practices attachment parenting?  If they co-sleep?  If they wear their baby?  But if they use disposable diapers, they no longer fit in the uber cool attachment parenting club?  Meh.

I 'wear' my baby, but I put her in the shopping cart as well.
We co-sleep but she starts the night (and sometimes stays) in her own crib.
I'm crunchy but I have my fair share of hand-me-down American Eagle and Hollister clothes.
We do baby led solids but my daughter has had jarred baby food.
I eat many organic foods but I have a weakness for McDonald's fries.
I'm natural, but you won't see me without makeup and highlighted hair.


I don't fit in the boxes perfectly, and I'm completely fine with that: it's better that way!  I feel free to be who God has made me to be!

Do you feel confined by labels?  Which labels don't you mind?  Are there any labels you wish you didn't have?

7 Breastfeeding Myths

In honor of National Breastfeeding Week (August 1-7), here are 7 myths about breastfeeding.

1. Once a baby has teeth, you need to wean.

Teething can be a great test of your patience and pain tolerance (I know)!  Some babies start getting teeth around two months, so that myth is debunked right there.  Some women get bit once or twice, and the child's attention is either redirected or they begin the learning process.  Biting is a great time to teach your child 'no' and 'ouch, that freaking hurts', and after having a month of major biting problems, my daughter now is more gentle and rarely bites.


2. If they can ask for it, they're too old.

Babies 'ask for it' from Day 1 - by crying, getting upset or rooting.  My daughter has been signing that she wants to nurse from about 9 months of age.  According to all medical information, that is too young to quit breastfeeding.  The WHO says that babies nee no additional supplements before 6 months of age and should continue breastfeeding for at least two years for optimum health. Most children's immune systems aren't mature until age 6, so any breast milk further enhances the immune system.  Babies ask for bottles as well and we don't stop giving those.


3. Most women don't produce enough breast milk.

Not true.  It's estimated that less than 5% of women truly have a biological supply issue. 

The most common culprits for an artificially low supply? 

• A schedule and/or timed feedings- Breastfeeding is a supply and demand process.  No two babies are alike, and therefore can't be relegated to the same schedule.  Babies need to be fed when they are hungry.  If you want to take the chance of killing your supply and risk failure to thrive or low weight gain for your baby, put your baby on your schedule.  Timed feedings (10 minutes on the right, 10 minutes on the left) provide problems as well because the breast may never empty, leaving behind the precious fatty hindmilk that is essential to a baby's growth.
• A poor latch or position - It's important to get good help in the beginning!  Find the name of a trusted lactation consultant, and bug them until you get an answer!

4. My baby is allergic to my milk.

If your baby is having allergies, it's most likely caused by something you are eating.  Eliminate the source, and most likely you will have a healthy baby.  Galactosemia (an allergy to your breast milk) only affects only 47 babies in the US per year.


5. My child weaned him/herself early.

Natural weaning rarely happens before 2.5 years. Many children can wean at this age, but it's not normal and can be the affect of offering solids before breast milk or a nursing strike.


6. Breastfeeding will give me saggy breasts.
 
There is no difference in breasts of mothers who breastfeed and those who formula feed.  In fact, pregnancy drags (no pun intended) your breasts down, as does age, size and if you smoke.  Besides, most of us will resort to push up bras soon anyway.  Either that, or we'll just join the I-don't-care-camp and let our ta-tas hang low.


7. Breastfeeding is sexual.

Breastfeeding is no more a sexual thing than you giving birth out of your vagina.  Amen.

My baby was diagnosed with lead poisoning

"I'm sorry to tell you this, but India's blood lead level test came back high."


The words of India's doctor on the other end of the phone pierced my heart.  I remained calm as he went through a list of questions as to how my daughter could have possibly got lead poisoning.

Do you have peeling paint or has she eaten paint chips?  Do you live near a gas station or highway or was your house previously a mechanic's shop?  Does she eat a lot of dirt?  Are there any toys she chews on that could be a problem?

No, no, no, and no.  Not that I know of. 

I was baffled, the doctor was baffled.  He ordered a venous re-test as soon as possible, citing that sometimes the heel stick can inaccurately measure blood lead levels.

His calm, gentle, reassuring but yet very concerned voice left me slightly unsettled, but still with peace.  I had NO IDEA what a BIG deal lead poisoning is.

We almost didn't get the lead test done.  At India's one year well child visit, her doctor had asked if we had had a lead test done yet.  No, we hadn't.  He said he's never really seen a problem with it, but the state likes all children to get them.  He ordered the lab and we waited and waited for her name to be called at the lab.

India started to get impatient, walking the hallways, and getting frustrated we weren't letting her roam free.

We considered just skipping the test since we assumed this would be fruitless and there was no possible way our daughter had any exposure to lead.  Was a lead test really necessary?

It was a few days later when I got the results of her lead test with that devastating phone call. 

As quickly as the phone call ended, I was online reading and devouring every bit of information about lead poisoning. 

For every 10 points of lead, a child loses 3 IQ points.
Lead levels take years to go down.
Sometimes it's impossible to find the source of lead.
Clean everything with rubber gloves and wet paper towels.
Lead takes 20 years to leave the bones.
Lead is particularly harmful in early childhood as brain development is at its peak.

I didn't know the accuracy of all that I read, but it was enough to make me not want to eat, sleep or do another stinking thing until I found the source. 

In between gathering information, I was using the lead test kits I bought from a store and testing everything.  Toys (I heard of several families that found some toys that were the SOURCE of their child's lead poisoning - eek!  All the more reason for me me to be a picky Mama when it comes to the toys India plays with), paint, door frames, electrical cords, windows - everything I could think of.

No matter what, from all I gathered from people's personal stories I was reading, this was a nightmare and was going to take years to lower her levels and we still ran the risk of delayed development, behavioral problems and even fertility issues.

Any level of lead in the blood isn't good, but if your levels get to 10, it's a red flag and measures must be taken.  Around 70 is where brain damage begins.

India's level came back at 35. Dangerous and alarming.

How could this happen to us?!? 

I have spent much time making sure India's environment is safe and the best for her.  She eats mostly organic and whole foods; nothing processed and no sugar.  I wean her from the pacifier instead of giving her antibiotics.  She wears cloth diapers, I don't clean with chemicals, we make sure she gets enough Vitamin D, omega-3s and healthy fats.  She doesn't have cheap toys (some people laugh at this one, but after this scare, limiting plastic toys has merit beyond just the dangers of BPA).   She's within a few feet of me for the majority of hours in a day.  We teach her American Sign Language and Chinese and limit the amount of TV she watches. I'm a car seat freak, making sure of every last detail for her safety.   Goodness, the child doesn't even drink anything but water and breast milk - not even watered down juice!

We sure had a bit of anxiety in the mean time.  There are a lot of 'what ifs' in this situation: what if she had lead poisoning and we skipped the test?  How much damage could be done before we noticed?  What if her blood lead levels continue to go up?  What is causing this?  How could have WE prevented this?
I started her on iron and calcium supplements and upped her Vitamin C intake.  I thoroughly washed every stinkin' toy, dusted every nook, swept 3x a day and washed my floors. 

For a few days, I was pretty down.  Who wants to hear such news about anyone, let alone their own child?  We prayed for our little girl, hugged and kissed her even more (I didn't think that was possible) and hoped for the best as we waited for the results to come back for her second, more accurate test.

To our complete and utter amazement, her next test came back fine!!!  I could hardly contain myself when my husband came home and I told him the good news: our Pookie was fine!  Thank you, Jesus!!!  

 **I know you just got good news, but keep reading, I have more to share!**

A lead test at one year of age is standard in many areas, but as I was talking to several other mommy friends that live all across the US, several hadn't had a lead test done on their children. 

Someone asked me if I would get the test all over again, in spite of the trauma it caused.  My answer is YES!  After learning the dangers of lead poisoning and reading of many 'healthy' families whose children came back with elevated blood lead levels, I was glad we did the test in spite of the stress. 

And if anything, it got my house really, really clean. :)

My happy, healthy girl!  No lead poisoning!!!

Now, time for my PSA:   I didn't know much about lead poisoning, and I'm guessing many reading this are in the same boat as me.  Unfortunately, lead poisoning is often bypassed (in the county I live in, only 12-18% of children are tested for lead), but over 310,000 American children have too much lead in their blood.  I would highly encourage a lead test for your child if they are under age 6, especially if you suspect lead in your home.   If you're pretty natural and medically hands-off like I am, this non-invasive test is worth it in my opinion.  Please share this information!

It may turn out to be nothing, but what if it's not?

Do you know of anyone who has had lead poisoning?  Did your children get their blood lead levels checked?

Sometimes I don't love breastfeeding

I was recently in a conversation with some other moms who breastfeed, when one of the moms made the statement that she doesn't love breastfeeding.  Many other moms chimed in in agreement.

She started listing reasons why she doesn't like it and the guilt she feels because of that. 

I've had very similar feelings many times over.

I don't know, but I don't think we have to love something like breastfeeding.  There are many things that we don't like or love, but we still do them anyway.  I don't care for green beans, but I eat them because I know they are good for me.  You don't like your job, but you show up to work anyways because your income provides what your family needs.  He doesn't like his car payment, but his car serves him well. 


I think breastfeeding can be similar. 

Like, love, dislike, hate, indifferent, are all feelings that breastfeeding mothers feel at different times. 

We can have those feelings and still breastfeed without guilt.


I've made lists of the things I like and the things I don't like about breastfeeding.  Many items are on both lists.

I like breastfeeding because:

• it nourishes my daughter
• we bond
• it calms her
• of the cuddling
• it's something that only I share with her
• she needs me
• of her sweet eyes as she nurses
• I have to stop and sit and rest while she eats
• it's a chance to regroup
• it's a great excuse to get me out of situations I don't want to be in
• she gets milk drunk; funniest thing ever!
• of her gentle pats while nursing
• watching her clap her hands while nursing cracks me up!
• it protects her
• her little body warms me up
• lifting up my shirt gives me a chance to cool
• sometimes it's the only thing she needs/wants
• it's convenient
• it helps her grow stronger and smarter
• it reduces my risk of cancer
• it's the best diet ever!

I don't like breastfeeding because:

• it's a lot of pressure to nourish a baby
• I would like my b00bs to myself
• it's something only I share with her
• she needs me
• I have to stop and sit and rest while she eats
• of her not so gentle demands
• of her squirming acrobatics
• pumping is the "b" word
• of the biting and pinching and scratching
• her little body is hot sometimes
• it makes me cold to lift up my shirt
• sometimes it's the only thing she needs/wants
• it's inconvenient

It may really, really, really surprise you to hear those words from me, the lactivist.  But it's true.  Some days I may love that she's goofing off and clapping and the next day I might get upset because I want to get business done!

Just being honest. 

You don't have to love breastfeeding in order to keep breastfeeding.

What did/do you love about breastfeeding? 

What did/do you dislike about breastfeeding?

What part of breastfeeding would you like to skip?

Breast Milk Baby Doll- Hypersexualizing our daughters?

A doll that simulates breastfeeding?

The Babe Gloton Breast Milk Baby

"Disgusting!"

"That's exposing my daughter to sexual things."

"What's next, condoms for Barbie & Ken?"

"This is opening the door for teen pregnancy!"

 

People are up in arms about the $99 Bebe Gloton doll, that instead of a bottle, comes with a halter top the girl wears that has flower petals to show where the nipples would be. 

The above statements are verbatim responses of people. 82% of people who viewed this doll, said it as inappropriate. Some are campaigning to have it removed from sales.

It seems the main concern about this doll is that it exposes girls to something they don't need to know about at that young of an age. There has been talk that it is sexualizing young girls, encouraging promiscuity (yes, I'm serious) and forcing a girl to grow up too fast.


Wait, did you just really assume that a 7-year old doesn't notice breasts? Or that she hasn't wondered how babies are fed sometimes? Or maybe you've completely bypassed the breasts and wide hips on your daughter's Barbie doll that you let her play with? What about the Bratz doll, complete with fishnet stockings, a miniskirt and an attitude of "grow up NOW and be cool like me" that is 100 times it's size?

A Bratz Doll, one of the top-selling dolls in the US

Doesn't that seem hypocritical? 

If you really think it's weird or hypersexualizing, can that be your conviction across the board (with Barbie and Bratz dolls) and not just in the realm of a doll that simulates the God-given purpose of breasts?

The ludicrous idea that breastfeeding a doll is a sexual thing, is the very beginnings of how we make girls, who later become women, feel shame and embarrassment about their bodies. 

We deem it dirty and inappropriate.

A young girl imitating breastfeeding is nothing new.  Children role-play all of the time.  I remember pretending to breastfeed as a child and I don't remember ever seeing anyone breastfeed, although I must've seen someone along the way because I knew to put a blanket over my baby while it ate.  I'm guessing at some point I asked my mother what breasts were for and she told me feeding your children. 

I had a few dolls growing up, and some of the fancy ones had bottles.  So what did I do?  Sometimes I fed my 'babies' with a bottle, sometimes I breastfed them.  It was nothing weird or sexual. 

It may surprise you to hear that I most likely wouldn't buy this toy for my daughter.  I probably wouldn't because of the price.  She can play with other dolls and I'll buy her a pack of flower stickers if she wants. :-)

As my daughter grows up, I hope she pretends to breastfeed her dolls, bottle feed, spoon feed and have tea parties with them.  I also hope she pretends to change their dirty diapers, get them dressed and has pretend conversations with them.  I may be off, but I'm pretty sure 99% of girls do things along these lines at some point in the childhood.

But then again, it MUST BE because of all this role-playing with dolls, as young children, that we have such a pandemic with teen pregnancy, so maybe I don't want my daughter pretending to feed her dolls at all.

What do you think?  Has this doll crossed the lines?  Would you let your daughter have one?

Biting while Breastfeeding: Oh the pain!

I've been breastfeeding India for over 8 months now, and throughout the course of these months, many people have asked me what I was going to do once she got teeth.

I just shrugged my shoulders because 1. most children get teeth around 4-6 months and 2. many moms breastfeed their children well into toddler-hood with full sets of little, sharp chompers.  So I never thought anything of it.  I normally responded with, "Keep feeding her??"  I have had zero problems with breastfeeding - no clogged ducts, no pain, no mastitis, no latch problems - and since I didn't have an issue with some of the most common problems, I never thought I'd have an issue with biting.

Then it started happening to me.  BITING.  With almost 4 teeth, all I can say is ouch, ouch and OUCH!

It's hard to believe this cute thing is capable of such torture! She's even drawn blood before.

Cute and cuddly, right? Wrong.

As I found out, biting is very common.  What I didn't know is that most kids stop after a few firm nos and stopping the nursing session.  Biting is caused by boredom, wanting attention, being finished nursing, or wanting to play.  Most moms report that after a few times of telling the child no, or removing them from the breast, they learned not to bite.

It seems that works for everyone right now, except my daughter.  We have spent hours in this progression: We start to nurse, she gets mad and bites, I tell her NO! and stop feeding her.  A few minutes later, we start nursing again, she bites, I say NO! and set her on the floor.  Then we start it all over again. 

Hours.

Everyone says it's so simple and their child only bit once or twice after they implemented their firm NO! and stopped the nursing session, and since 99% of the biting took place after they were done nursing, that was a simple and effective solution. 

This was defeating for me because my daughter isn't biting because of the usual reasons.  She bites at the beginning of a nursing session because my milk doesn't let down fast enough for her.  Urgh.

Some have recommended I use the pump to stimulate let down first, which is a great idea, but I don't want her to be dependent on the pump for let down. 

I guess I don't have any answers, which is hard for me, as I love to learn and read and learn the why and how behind everything.  I love to know how to fix things, and problem-solving, well, it is one of my favorite things to do.

I normally have an answer for everything except for this.  I can't find any solutions for this form of biting.  If you are reading this looking for an answer, I'm sorry!  You are NOT ALONE!  I'm just going to keep trying and persevering and I hope you will too!  I know one thing I won't do though, and that is use force back on her.  Flicking, biting in return, spanking, pinching, and other forms of the physical nature have caused many, many babies to wean.  I even heard of one mother who yelped out in pain and her sensitive daughter refused to nurse again because it scared her so badly.  Can you imagine that guilt? The last thing I want to have happen is to have my daughter connotate breastfeeding with pain and frustration.

In the end though, after a few shrieks from me and a couple of tantrums for India, I love this little girl and her desire to eat!  She (and the painful bites) are worth it!

Pookie and two of the perpetrators!

Did you have a biter?  What breastfeeding obstacles did you have to overcome?