Weekend Reading! 2/22/13

Hey there!  Genevieve here.  You know, the person that used to do Weekend Reading regularly but has been slacking?  Yep, that's me! :)  I've been reading some good stuff lately and would LOVE to share with you.  But I decided to give you a little more than just what I'm reading...let me know what you think!


What I'm reading:

Excellent article on Newborn Procedures to Reconsider.  If you or someone you know is having a baby soon, read this!
 
Sarah shares her failures and triumphs as a parent, ultimately deciding that gentleness makes her children great.

ImprovingBirth shares statistics of "routine" maternity care and evidence-base care.

A true frustration on mine, "Why is Everyone Always Giving My Kids Junk Food?"

What I'm listening to and watching:

The Glorious Unseen- Close to Your Heart

Breaking Bad...not entirely sure I like this show.  It's a little too intense for me.

What I'm eating:

Melt-In-Your Mouth Chuck Roast 

                                       Happy Weekend!

What it's like to have adopted siblings

I'm the oldest of 13 children.

Yes, 13.

We're not all blood-related, but we are siblings, whose love runs deep.  I've been asked a lot to share what it's like to have so many siblings, and so many siblings who are adopted.  In real life, I talk about my family all the time, but I guess it's so every day to me, that I haven't addressed it on my blog much.  But November is also National Adoption Month, so this is a perfect time to talk about adoption and my life.

Like I said, not only have my parents adopted, but my sister has also adopted as well. 

In certain areas of the United States, adoption may seem to be the trendy, happening thing.  Countless families that I know have signed up to add children to their families that don't share the same DNA as them.  It's a wonderful thing, not without its struggles or controversies, but full of blessings as well.

I grew up with one biological sister.  Vacations, private school, social events, going out to eat; a comfortable life.   When I was 20 years old and my younger sister had just graduated high school at 18, my parents adopted a sibling set of three sisters. 

My parents gave up the next-to-retirement life, to love and care for three beautiful girls.  My husband and I helped out taking my little sisters on dates, having sleepovers, and going shopping.  Within months, life became normal for me as I accepted that I now had four sisters.

A couple of years later, my parents, who realized they were in this for the long haul and had the means and love in their hearts, found room for another sibling set of six.  Two boys and four girls. 

Overnight, our family more than doubled.  Dallas and I were doing mission work at this time, so we only got to meet 'the new kids' on a trip home, but from what I've heard, this was a pretty chaotic time! 

Things slowly settled and life took a new groove for my family.  Grocery shopping now meant my Mom had to bring 9 kids, 8 of them under the age of 8, into the store with her.  It meant a new vehicle, with a special seat installed so everyone could fit.  Everything was done in mass quantities.  Trips to Sam's Club meant a trailer was pulled so they could fit everything in it.

What was weird to everyone else, became natural to them. 

A few years after that, my husband and I moved back to our home state of Minnesota and I felt that I was supposed to serve alongside my Mom, as she was busy homeschooling all the kids, cleaning house, making meals and juggling appointments and activities for the nine kids still at home.  My time working at my parent's house was amazing!  Not without its hair-pulling moments, but it was great to get to know my newest siblings.

Just when we all (and my parents as well) thought their family was complete, they began the adoption porcess again.  This path led them to two biological sisters who soon joined our family, making the number of children in my parent's brood grow to a baker's dozen. 

People ask me what it's like to have such an age gap between me, the oldest at 30, and my sister, the youngest at six.  I guess it's not too weird now because I'm used to it.  While I am their older sister, I did spend a lot of time working for my parents so my siblings know they must also respect and listen to me.  In that way, I'm kind of maybe looked at as a really close aunt.  With that, I'm highly protective of them.

Another question I've been asked is if I feel like they are my siblings and am I close to them.  Some would take offense to this question, but it's a logical question.  Yes, they are my siblings through and through.  I would do anything for them.  I CANNOT IMAGINE MY LIFE WITHOUT THEM!  Seriously.  I can barely remember what it was like with just one biological sister.  It seems like another life, another family, another person.  I can barely remember what it was like without the youngest two girls that joined our family about 18 months ago!   Sure, I am closer to my biological sister, but that's because we are not only experiencing the same things in life right now (marriage, family, age), but we've also spent years developing our relationship. 

Sometimes I see my friends out with their moms, getting massages or having lunch or shopping for clothes for their kids, and I get a little sad because my mom and I can't do that.   My mom can't just come to my house and watch my baby.  We can't just meet at Target and browse the aisles together.  We can't go on a cruise with my parents.  I can't always call my Mom whenever I want and chat for hours, because my younger sibling's attention span wouldn't last for more than 5 minutes. I can't have those "normal" things with my parents. But I'm not sad about it; its just how it is.

So yes, I don't get all the things that some of my friends get with their moms, but my friends don't get 12 brothers and sisters, of all races, size, age and personality to call their siblings.  No one else has sisters with the nicknames of Nena, Pita Pumpkin, MarMar, Maymer, Beaner, Squishy or Breahna-Jahna.  No one else has 10 kids race to their car when they arrive at their parents house, give you a huge hug and beg to take their daughter out of her car seat. 

No one else gets to watch 11 lives, all broken and hurt, be transformed and nourished in a Forever Family. 

I'll give up lunch dates and mindless house decorating talk and wasted monies spent on vacations with my parents for just a day where "these kids", my siblings, are safe, loved and taken care of.

Have you considered adoption?  Do you have any other questions for me?

I thought I formed her personality

When India was a baby, within hours of her birth, we learned she was very vocal and extremely content in my arms. 

Within a week or two, we realized we had a very passionate, opinionated, vocal, determined, intense, affectionate little girl who loved attention and being close to people, especially me, her Mama.  She didn't like to change clothes, disliked her carseat, hated baths, was easily distracted, wouldn't sleep 'just anywhere' and she also would never tolerate being alone.  No bouncy seat, no swing, nothing.  That's one of the reasons I bought a water sling - otherwise I never would've been able to even shower.

I remember being slightly jealous of other moms who told me stories of their newborn babies laying contentedly on a blanket, while they made dinner.  Really?  Babies do that??

At the same time, a part of me believed a lie that is prevalent everywhere, especially in the church: if you just do this, this and this with your baby, you'll have a compliant baby.  I sometimes wondered if I was doing something wrong and if I had created India's spirited personality.

When India was a newborn baby, I asked a couple of mothers of older children, "Around what age did your child's personality develop?"

All of their responses:  "Right away.  Looking back, their personalities are very similar to what they displayed in their early months of life."  I worried a bit because I had seen some indicators that India was strong-willed.

But I didn't totally believe what they said.  Nope.  I couldn't believe it.  See, I was under the impression that YOU make your child's personality for the most part.  If you just parent this way, or discipline like this, or follow this book, or teach your child about this, or don't do that so your child won't learn your bad habit.  As time went on and India grew, week by week, I noticed some of the same preferences in her little world. 

But wait, I was teaching her something different, so why was she continuing to dislike her carseat and always cry quickly and loudly?!?  I've spent the last 15 months telling my daughter to be gentle with other children and animals, and she isn't.  I've told her a bajillion times to please stop screaming and tantruming in stores because she wants to either get down and/or grab everything and Mean Mommy won't let her, but she doesn't listen.  I've bathed her for 15 months, and she still screams and cries the second she hears that it's bath time.  She's rode in her carseat hundreds of times, but I still get an arched back and a screech nearly every time she's getting buckled in.  For over 455 days, India has had her clothes changed, sometimes many times a day, and she still cries like I'm destroying her life every.single.time.

My previous belief that I determine her behavior from Day 1 is debunked.  If that was true, after a couple of weeks of bathing her, she'd be fine with the bath.  If my consistent, disciplined actions controlled personality, she'd stop the hysterical meltdowns when it's time to change her clothes.  Also, I see parents of multiple children, all parented the same way, with different personalities. 

India at 5 months, throwing a pretty big tantrum (for a 5 month old) because I wouldn't let her eat the Christmas lights.

Over the last month, we've been to several weddings. I've sighed a bit while I've watched other children her age sit in their parent's laps for the entire wedding ceremony!  Then they sit contentedly in a high chair during the meal and reception and maybe even take a nap in their dad's arms.  All the while, my child climbed out of my lap hours ago and hasn't stop running around and screaming since.  Heck, she won't even sit long enough to eat!  I watch my nieces who are her age sit and play nicely at family events (until India comes and terrorizes them).  They don't scream and tantrum and attack other children every 3.5 minutes.  Not much has changed since her first days - she would aggressively hug her cousins since just a few months old. 


She's still loud, vocal, aggressive, affectionate, passionate, constantly moving, fearless, an entertainer, loves to be around people, hates to change clothes, doesn't play on her own or with toys, hates baths, doesn't like her carseat, and will only sleep under the perfect circumstances. 

And you know what?  Nothing I've done has created those things.  In the same way, nothing I've been able to do so far has been able to persuade her otherwise. (Really, I've tried) 

But I'm SO proud of my girl.  I love her spirit!

And really, can I expect anything different?  She has two outspoken, aggressive, passionate, determined, loud and outgoing parents. :-)

Of course I don't let her run around like a little hooligan at all times.  She stays in the cart at stores.  If she screams or tantrums at church, we leave the area.  Throughout the day, I tell her no, we re-direct, I praise her for her accomplishments, express my sadness when she disobeys, and watch her experience natural consequences.

I get the stinkeye from some people in churches, you know, the Christians who have the answer.  Some people look at me with the your child shouldn't be so loud look, or the if you taught her correctly, she wouldn't scream look or the if you made her do that everyday, she wouldn't do that look or the you should be doing this right now in response to her look. 


I think when you aren't a parent, or maybe even when you are a parent, you are quick to judge on how you would do XYZ and problem ABC would be solved.  But that's not always the case.  There is no 'book answer' that works across the board.


I could make my daughter into the little girl others want her to be. 

I could do all the things some popular Christian parenting books tell me to do.  I could control her.  I could break her will.  I could swat her over and over again until she obeyed.  I could make her fear me.  I could yell at her.  I could threaten her.  I could make her submit.  I could do all those things and more to get a quiet, little child.


And those things might calm her outwardly, but it would quench her spirit, crush her trust, and equal outward obedience without a heart change.  It would ruin who God has made her to be. 
 
There are some things in her personality that as her mother I need to work with; to help gently carve, to encourage and to instruct, but ultimately, I love who God has made her to be and see great value in all of her personality traits - even though some need refining with time and growth.  I know that God has created her brimming over with passion and charm and I know He has amazing plans for my zesty, passionate, fearless girl.


God has made her magnetic and full of life, shining and entertaining wherever she goes. For now, I'm learning to shrug my shoulders at the judgmental eyerolls and I just need to remember that I can't control everything about her and I also can't control their judgments.   After all, this is good practice for the rest of our lives and whatever adventures she may partake in, because I have a feeling this is going to be an adventure!  ;-)

My spirited little girl, making her cousin Xiomara hug her (I think we have 30 pictures like this, some of them with Xiomara in tears)

Do you have a spirited child?  When did you realize they weren't just going to 'lay down and roll over'?  What has helped you the most in parenting them?

I take her for granted

A couple I know lost their precious baby boy this week.  Devastating. 

My heart aches and breaks every time I hear these stories no matter if it's a good friend or someone I've never seen because it would be one of the most crushing circumstances that we can imagine as mothers. 

So, I cry and I hold my baby close, smell her head, kiss her a million times, apologize a billion times and ask God to help me remember what a blessing she is.  And I pray for those who are hurting because of such a traumatic loss.

It's easy to take my daughter for granted in the routine or even difficult moments.  It's easy to yell at her, sigh as she ruins one more thing, lose my patience as she cries and whines at my feet, curse under my breath as she arches her back in a tantrum, and ignore her when 'I have things to do'. 

I have many friends who have lost children and would love to have even a few hair-pulling moments with their child right now....if that meant having a few more minutes with their precious baby.  I don't want to forget what a gift she is, to thank God for this little person and be grateful for this beautiful piece of my husband and me.

I love.love.love....

-the sweet smell of my daughter's breath

-her little and big tooth bite

-when she pulls close to me and kisses me

-her chubby wrists

-the endless sounds, shreiks and shrills

-her signs, communicating her needs

-how she dances the instant music turns on

-her whisper voice

-her call for 'Mama' - "mamamamamamaaaa"

-the way she walks around the house, calling for me, not satisfied until she's right back at my side

-her smile when I hide my face

-her sleepy eyes while she breastsfeeds

-her smiles and giggles when she breastfeeds

-how she has been a little ham since forever

-the way she mimics everything I do

-when I whisper in her ear that there is nothing she could do to make me love her less and she giggles

-the way her lower lip quivers when she cries

-her excitement when Dada comes home

-the way she tucks her lip in

-how she opens her eyes wide and says 'Oh' as soon as she wakes up and many times thereafter

-her desire for comfort

-how she takes apart and climbs on everything

-how she MUST have a baby in her arms at all times

-how she signs 'baby'

-her inhale giggle

-the way she says and signs 'outside' - "ouss-ide"

-her smart mind

-the smell of her head, it's delicious

-her proud smile - big and cheesy

-how she MUST as 'was sat?' (what's that) a hundred times even when she knows full well exactly what it is

-the way she explores everything

-her wispy curls

-how she pats my back as we cuddle

-her tiny tears that take a lot of emotion in order to appear

-when her little hands find their way to my mouth

-her shreiks of glee as she is the center of attention

-bright blus eyes that love me

-when she wears tight shirt or pants and I can see every roll

-the way she makes friends with EVERYONE by yelling 'hi', flashing a big cheesy grin and waving

-when I ask her if she's Mama's baby and she shakes her head and says 'yah'

-the way she says goodbye to al her new friends by blowing kisses and waving 'bye'

-her nekkid body

-her big hugs

-the way she runs away from my laptop when she gets caught pounding on it

-how she thinks she's hilarious when she signs 'potty' and makes the SSSSSSSSSSSsssssss sounds

Every single minute of her life, this life, is a gift.

India trying to wear my flip flops. :)

I think we've got it all backwards

At that time the disciples came to Jesus and said, "Who then is greatest in the kingdom of heaven?"

And He called a child to Himself and set him before them, and said, "Truly I say to you, unless you are converted and become like children, you will not enter the kingdom of heaven. 

"Whoever then humbles himself as this child, he is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven".

Matthew 18:1-4

Before you begin reading, go and read those verses up above.  I know you skipped them, because you've probably read them 100 times, as have I.  But go read them again. ;-)

I've been thinking of what it means to become like a child and to have faith like a child.  I don't know all of the theology about it, but here is what I do know, based on watching my daughter interact with both animate and inanimate objects.


- She trusts.  She has no reason not to.  We answer her cries and listen when she needs something.  Not like I, who has learned not to trust.  She hasn't really been let down.
- Her favorite toys are the simple things that bore me; the light, the wooden spoon, the empty bottle, her shadow.  She doesn't need fancy, she doesn't need to be impressed. She is in awe of all creation. 
- She communicates clearly.  Anyone who knows my daughter knows what she wants and when.  
- She is truthful, and doesn't manipulate.  She doesn't mince words like I do, either to pad things up or to tear down viciously.
- She loves to be nekkid and loves to be loud.  And nekkid AND loud, that is her dream come true! She is proud of who she is, not embarrassed. She is so proud of everything about herself.
- Nothing is too dangerous for her.  She isn't bound by fear and full of 'what if' questions, like I.
- She doesn't judge the outside.  If you are dirty, smelly, or wear the 'wrong' clothes, she doesn't care.  She sees a real person.  She has no prejudice. 
- She takes time to do what she wants to do, or what she thinks needs to be done.  She isn't confined by a clock or a to-do list.
- She laughs and smiles at herself, at her toys, at us, at strangers.  Joy and confidence ooze from her.
- She is dependent on us for everything and isn't embarrassed to cry for help.  Different cries mean different things; hunger, boredom, curiosity, tired, scared. 
- She isn't afraid to cry, to break down, or let people see the 'ugly' side of her.  I hide all of those aspects of me as I'm ashamed.

I often think that I have things right spiritually.  Or I look at people I respect and admire and wish for their faith. 

No doubt, my daughter has a sin nature, I'm not disputing that fact, but I think we have it all wrong. Even backwards. 

"Grow up!"
"Stop acting like such a baby."
"Quit your crying or I'll give you something to cry about."
"You're such a child!"
"When are you going to act your age?"
"Children should be seen and not heard."
"Stop being such a foolish child!"

I think it's time for me to consciously enjoy the little things, be bold, laugh at fear, smile at strangers, trust, communicate honestly, ask for help from others, be dependent on God, and be not afraid of who I was created to be.

All the things a SAHM should do!

I'm pretty much a SAHM (stay at home mom) and I LOVE it.  I do work, teaching piano lessons from my home and I help my mom about one day a week, but mostly, I'm home.

I had a lot of ideas of what it was going to be like to be home most hours of the day.  I thought about all the tasks I would accomplish and all the free time I would have.  Ahhhhh, what a luxurious life!

What??? You're laughing???  Pshh.

Here is a list of things I was going to do in all my spare time as a SAHM, and behind them is my list of accomplishments related to them. You'll see I've done real well.

- Clean my house. Everyday. Oh, it was going to be SO clean. Mopped floors, dusted baseboards, no cobwebs. (Ha! The dishes get done. Most days. Maybe more like every other day.)

- Bake scones, souffle, creme brulee and other fancy things that include cranberries, white chocolate and poached pears.  All things my friend Annalise does with two babies! (I'm still working on box brownies thankyouverymuch.)

- Or I was at least going to bake cookies. (Grocer's refrigerator section, frozen cookie dough. Yes and amen.)

- Drink tea, burn incense and worship God.  In my long hippie skirt, of course. (Does wearing my nursing pajamas while crying, "please God, help me with this crying baby" count?)

- Paint my bathroom. (No. It has to be cleaned first.)

- Bake treats for my piano students every other week or so. (I'm just glad I make it to piano lessons, dressed, mind you.)

- Visit and talk with my friends, Carma and Devora. (Hi, ladies. How ya doing?)

- Walk with my friend, April. (Yeah....)

- Play piano and sing with my friend Beth. (Beth and I did that. In 2009. Oh yeah, that was pre-India.)

- Go to the Y and workout.  Everyday.  With Jen, Beth and now Tami. (One time I did this!!)

- I was going to garden with my friend/neighbor Jessica. And probably look at interior decorating magazines with her. (I wave to her across the street as we come and go.)

- Make homemade bread. (The only bread we are eating is pre-sliced from a plastic bag.)

- Make lots more homemade food for that matter. (I have perfected "fancy" Mac N Cheese.  Mac N Cheese with lemon pepper.)

- Re-finish my kitchen table. (Tablecloth.)

- Sew curtains for our house, and toys and accessories for India. (Peeping toms are welcome. As are store bought toys.)

- Garden, garden, garden. (It's winter.  Sheesh, people.  I have HUGE plans for spring! You just wait!)

- Play piano, guitar and bass guitar. (I play piano. Have for years. Still playing the same songs I played years ago too.)

- Sell all my crap on eBay. (I have nothing to report on this.  I have however, bought a few things on eBay.)

- Do exercises videos while my baby plays alone on a blanket. (hahaha, "baby plays alone..." hahaha)

- Go out and shop at stores.  (If I was dressed, I would do this.)

- Look smokin' hot, nicely perfumed, dressed in an apron everyday when my husband came home to the smell of fresh baked cookies or bread.  Or creme brulee.  (Most days my glasses are still on as well as yesterday's smudged make-up. I also still smell of yesterday's spit-up.)

- Do my hair and make up everyday. (Does yesterday's make-up count?)

- Get dressed. Everyday.  In real clothes. (Pajamas.)

As you can see, I haven't been very productive as far as that list is concerned.  I guess didn't know that taking care of a baby would demand more time from me than when I worked before India was born. 

She wakes up from a nap, diaper change, time to nurse/check Facebook, puke on clothes, change clothes, start laundry, play, send an e-mail, eat a little bit of cold food(me), baby gets a hold of food and spills it everywhere, clean up spilled food, baby falls down, calm crying baby who bumped her head, put baby in carrier, begin dinner prep only to realize you don't have milk, google "milk replacement" and get sucked into a vegan website, answer phone, entertain baby, put clothes in the dryer, diaper explosion, diaper change, shush baby to sleep, clean up poo-splosion, baby prematurely wakes crying, shush her back to sleep, fold laundry, finish eating cold food, work on blog, start more laundry, baby wakes. I didn't even get to start on dinner, the dishes, the bills, or get the bathroom cleaned.  Repeat every 2-4 hours. 

Forget about souffle.  I just have my eyes set on a shower!

Ahhhhh, just think of all the time I'll have once I have a second baby and they can entertain each other.  I'll be free!  Yep, I'll save this list for then. ;-)

I Want You To Know...(Happy 6 Months India!)

To my dear India Josephine,


You are now 6 months old.  6 months.  That's half a year!  I can't believe how fast you have grown!  You are still my little lovebug and my joy.  I can honestly say that I am cherishing every moment with you.  I can't believe you, my precious daughter, are getting so big!


There are so many things about you that haven't changed at all.  Mostly, your personality.  A few things have changed.  Those are mostly developmental things.  I want you to know, that whatever pace you are changing, it's alright with me.  It's supposed to be.  I also want you to know that your personality is unique - I never want to quench your spirit or try to change you into something for my convenience.


My heart skips a beat when you smile or laugh.  Your Daddy & I are so proud of you! You are absolutely beautiful - perfectly made.  Your bright blue eyes, little tongue, chubby cheeks - gorgeous.  I want you to know there is no one more beautiful than you.


You love people, always have a smile for everyone (except when you're overtired) and you enjoy getting lots of attention from all people.  You are by definition, a ham.  You know how to charm and win people over.  Complete strangers love you everywhere we go as you light up for the slightest smile.  You are a people baby!  You bless many people daily!  I want you to know that God has great plans in relationships for you.


You are very, um, let's say vocal.  You have been since Day 1.  When you were first born, you let us know, and all the neighbors, the instant you were hungry!  You have always been very good at communicating exactly what you need.  In that way, it has made it easy on me as your mother.  There is nothing subtle about your personality.  But what can you expect with your Daddy and I as your parents?  ;-)  I'm 95% sure that you say "hi" now.  I want you to know that your voice can someday be used to speak for the voiceless.  I also want you to know that you are ALWAYS going to have a voice and be heard with your Daddy and I.  I don't want you to be quiet because that's not who you are.

You were very active inside my tummy.  You still have to be on the move now.  You still love to "stand" up.  You still hate to be cradled, and I wince when people try to cradle you, because I know you will begin to cry.  I don't have the heart to tell them you hate to be held that way - I'm always counting on your great lungs to communicate.  And most of the time, it works.  You LOVE to sit up (on your own of course, Ms. Independent) and look around.  You want to be on the go, and I'm sure that once you start moving yourself you will be the happiest baby ever!  I want you to know that all your energy is OK!  There are lots of things that you can do in the world!  I don't believe that you have to be this perfect, calm baby/person.  And neither should you.


You are determined and persistent in every sense of the word.  There isn't an ounce of apathy in you. If you see a toy, you won't stop until you get it.  I would say you are aggressive.  In a good way, of course.  If you are laying down, and we sit you up but you really wanted to stand up, you will yell at us until we finally stand you up.  Then you send us a big smile.  You have been this way from the beginning.  I want you to know that this determination and boldness can serve you well.  I pray that your eyes will stay on your goals and the passions that are in your heart won't die before their time.

You are a smart little girl.  You easily know and recognize people and remember places. You know which toys do what.  I will continue to teach you and help you grow, and don't plan on dumbing things down for you, in language, in developmental activities, in every day life.  I want you to know that I only wish to encourage your intelligence, that's why I will continue to challenge you.

You are very curious and observant, still.  It takes a lot for you to sleep if there are people talking around you, or music playing.  Some people think you should just be able to sleep anywhere, but just remember, they only sleep in their own beds, not in the middle of a "party". ;-) You have to see and be involved in everything.  As much as you are active and you love people and like to be out doing things, you are easily overstimulated.  Of course, you haven't learned when enough is enough, so I try to decide that for you.  I'm was and still am the same way.  I want you to know that your sensitivity is normal.  I don't expect you to drown out everything else.  I hope and pray that you stay sensitive.  I want you to know that your observation can be a great tool in discernment.


You do love to be home, especially when you feel overwhelmed by lots of noises and people.  Many times, after a time of overstimulation and crying, we will come home and you will just coo and cuddle and giggle with us for two more hours!  You just wanted to be left alone by everyone else and wanted us.  I want you to know that if you ever find yourself in a situation that is just "too much", you can always come home to us!  We will be here, waiting for you with love.


I know by the time you can read this that you probably won't believe that you wanted to be with me so much.  But you do.  You look for me everywhere, you don't let me far from your sight.  And when I know you're being bothered by something and I don't rescue you immediately, either because I don't want to hurt any one's feelings or because I want you to be exposed to other things, you look at me with desperation in your eyes.  I want nothing more than to "rescue" you.  Of course, sometimes I do.  I want you to know that I will do my best to be there to help you.  I will also protect you.  But I do want you to experience other things.


You love to chew on my chin.  You also love to give me big kisses.  You grab my head, pull me close and slobber all over me!  I love it!   You have a great sense of humor!  Your exercauser is the first toy you've loved, besides Sophie the Giraffe and your new Babi Corolle doll.  You still love to be read to.   You still love your nekkid time and love to chew on your toes.  You aren't really allowed to watch TV, except for Baby Signing Time & Little Pim Chinese.  They only hold your attention for about 10 minutes. :-)  Then, you are looking for real people to interact with, my little social girl.  I want you to know that I love watching you have fun.  I'm not a fun-spoiler!  The guidelines we have set up for you already are for your good (I'm sure you'll be hearing that a lot more).


You are content in a carrier, on me.  That way you can observe and be a part of everything, but yet still stay close to me for comfort.  You could stay this way all day long.  We have a great bond.  I want you to know that you can always come to me for comfort and shelter.  I will try my best.


Your Daddy can make you laugh like no one else!  You are crazy about him!  He can lift your mood in an instant.  Daddy is always a lot of fun - he makes everything very fun! He prays for you, and you love to "talk" with him.  You love him and he loves you.  I want you to know that your Daddy will always pray for you, be there for you and loves it when you talk to him!  Your Daddy is great at giving you undivided attention.


You love, love, love music!  You will sit by me on the piano and "play" and "sing" with me.  The first time I knew for sure that I felt you move in my tummy was when I was playing piano and singing.  You also love to dance!!!  I want you to know that even if you end up not being musically inclined, I will love you just the same.  I don't want to pressure you to perform.  I want you to know that it's OK to let the rhythm move you.  Don't be embarrassed.


I want you to know India, that I love you with all of my being.  You have changed how I see the world.  You have made every day of my life brighter.  I thank God for you, the little person that He entrusted to me. Thank you for being you! 


I want you to know that I'll love you always and forever!
Mama

The Toy She Wanted & The Toy She Got

We decided not to get India very much for Christmas for a few reasons this year.

1. She's a baby. If it crinkles, sparkles or is brightly colored, she's entertained.
2. She has grandparents.  Enough said.

As a "gift", I planned on letting her go crazy with bright colored tissue paper.  Let her tear it up, chew on it a bit (maybe) and throw it in the air to entertain her.  It would've been her favorite gift.  Promise.

But on Black Friday, I did order her some Little Pim Chinese Language learning DVD's.  They were half off with free shipping.  Score-izzle!

The other night in an evil store, we happened upon a new toy (on clearance) for India and decided to buy that for her in addition to her Little Pim DVD's.  We decided to let her play with it (don't worry I'll re-wrap it in some bright tissue paper for Christmas day, and she'll be more than happy about the tissue paper).

Here's the toy she got.  She looked at if for about 2 minutes until....

She saw the toy she wanted!

Trying...

Success! (as mom begins to panic a little. Don't be overprotective, Genevieve. Don't.)

Still cute, but watching so it doesn't go in her m.....

...MOUTH! Ahhh!

 

I don't think I've ever dropped my camera so fast! 

(I'm actually surprised I got a picture of this)

 

The lights are taken away and the back-arching begins

Cue the tears. And drama.

"But India, you still have your NEW toy!"

Poor child.

I'm sorry I won't let you play with glass, electrically charged, lead-infused Christmas lights & now because you touched them (my fault) we both have to scrub our hands. 

If I was a good mom, I never would've let you even touch those cognitive impairing lights in the first place.  I would've just stuck with tissue paper.

Rest for Mom's whose babies AREN'T sleeping through the night

"Is she sleeping through the night yet?"

Not joking, I got asked this question when India was two days old.

Two days old!

I thought it was a joke, until I saw that, no, this was indeed being asked in a serious manner.  I kindly said that no, she's not.

After the question, "Is she a good baby?", the sleeping through the night question is probably one of the questions I get asked the most.  Oh, and I get asked about cloth diapers a lot (post to come about that too)!

Sometimes when asked, I just politely say no, other times I share information about how quickly breastmilk is digested and how most babies aren't designed to sleep through the night in the beginning.  But still, as a mom, I've gotten the stink eye because my baby doesn't sleep through the night yet. *sigh*  Sleeping through the night isn't a badge for good parenting.

It actually may surprise some of you that I DON'T want my baby to sleep through the night yet!  Let me explain.

Nighwaking is for survival in the beginning of a baby's life.  Babies have tiny tummies and breastmilk is absorbed within 1-3 hours of it being ingested.  That's why babies shouldn't normally go longer than 3 hours between feedings. I know I rarely go three hours without eating something!! Between the ages of 3-6 months, you can expect 1-2 nightwakings (more often for some babies). If a baby is missing this, and by missing this, I mean someone other than the baby has decided to skip the feeding, the baby is potentially missing out on vital nutrients. 

I'm a firm believer that just as we listen to our bodies when we are tired or hungry and we know what tiredness and hunger feels like, babies do the same thing.  They are born knowing what hunger is and what it isn't.  If a babies body needs sleep more that it needs a feeding, it's body will decide that. I know some nights when India is very tired, she will sleep for 8 hours(YIKES!) before wanting to eat.  Some babies sleep through the night at 8 weeks, while their older brother who is 3 years old still isn't sleeping through the night.

Which brings me to my next reason that I'm in no rush to get India sleeping longer - I really don't want my fertility back any time soon. As cute as India is, I'd rather just focus on her right now, thankyouverymuch.

God has designed women's body with built-in birth control through breastfeeding.  In practice, it's called lactational amenorrhea method.  Within the first 6 months of a child's life, if the mother is exclusively breastfeeding, not going for longer than 4 hours between day feedings and 6 hours between night feedings, and feeding on cue, not on a schedule, her fertility most likely won't return.  It has less than a 1% failure rate, if followed correctly. 

Some people who follow an even stricter method, don't see a return of their cycles until 14 months or more!  Since I most likely will do natural weaning with India, I wouldn't mind at all if I was that person!

Before you go and pull the goalie, and blame your next pregnancy on me, know that there is always an exception to every rule. Case in point, Michelle Duggar, who has publicly said that she ovulates even while exclusively breastfeeding. 

And I know 80 of you are saying, but so-and-so had kids back to back.  Well, maybe so-and-so is like Michelle Duggar or maybe so-and-so didn't follow the directions and supplemented with table food or added a little cereal to the babies bottle. Or something like that.

Probably the number one reason parents want babies to sleep through the night is so they aren't bothered and can get sleep.  No doubt, good sleep is imperative to mental and physical health.  I've seen the effects of that myself, although not since I've had a baby.  India was naturally a great sleeper, so we have been spoiled. However, we co-sleep, and that has added to the hours we sleep! 

Instead of getting up out of bed and sitting and feeding India, which would make me very tired, and miss much sleep, I (or Dallas) just grab her out of her bassinet that's in our room and bring her into bed at 3am, or whenever she wakes to eat. 

Very little fussing so we don't wake Dallas, and I miss 10 minutes of sleep at the most, as India and I fall right back to sleep together.  If she needs to eat at a later point, we just do some rearranging, and she is back to eating.  She then stays in our bed until she wakes up at 8am or 9am. 

One of my favorite parts of the day is when I'm awakened by my little girl, touching my face, "talking" and smiling at me when I wake up in the morning. 

It's not an inconvenience having her in our bed, and Dallas and I both sleep better when she is with us, but I know some parents can't sleep well with their little one in bed with them. Dallas didn't think he could either, so she was just going to stay near me, but after a week or so, he was very comfrotable with her in our bed and would even "sneak" her out of her bed to come and sleep with us!

Another concern people have about co-sleeping is "you'll never be able to get them out of your bed". Really? How many 13 year olds are still sleeping with their parents?  And I'm even willing to ask how many 4 year olds are still sleeping with their parents nightly, against their parent's wishes? 

Only 70% of babies sleep through the night at 9 months.  So if you are like me, and your little one isn't sleeping through the night, and you feel or have felt pressure that he or she needs to be doing that, don't worry about it so much.  Most likely, it's normal.  And knowing your baby is "normal" and that it's OK, is REST for any mom. :-)

How about you? Has sleep been a difficult subject for your family? When did you kids sleep through the night?  Did you experience many different sleep patterns throughout your child's early years?

Short article on infant sleep
Links about co-sleeping

*Please note, I am by NO means a sleep expert....this is just what has been working for us!! If it helps someone else, great! If not, just disregard it! :)

Now that I'm a mom, I understand ________.

Now that I'm a mom, I finally understand naps. Praise God when India gets a good nap in! I used to get a little irked when moms would say that they couldn't partake in such and such activity because their little one needed to nap. I fully understand now. If naptime is missed, my baby may be OK for awhile, but eventually all the missed nap hours compound into mini bits of hell as I try to get my overtired child to sleep later on.

Now that I'm a mom, I finally understand MOMMY'S SHOWER TIME. These precious few minutes are a gift; the only chance to stop working, relax and clear my mind. I get to breathe my own air. I get spit up, pee and poop washed off of me. I actually look in the mirror and look at myself. I shave my legs. I can actually have my boobs exposed, and no one is touching them.

Now that I'm a mom, I finally understand how amazing it is to go to the store, all by yourself. It's WAY more exciting than an anniversary date. Just sayin'.

Now that I'm a mom, I finally understand checking on my baby to make sure she's breathing. I thought moms who did this before were a bit crazy and overprotective. I do it, and actually, even did it as I was typing this.

Now that I'm a mom, I finally understand why moms don't take a lot of time to look super fly. A lot of moms I know didn't workout, wore clothes that didn't fit right, abandoned makeup and started coloring their hair from a box and I swore I would never be that mom. I am. You can usually find me at home, in yesterday's clothes, with the day before yesterday's makeup on, wearing my glasses, with a ponytail in and something stuck in my teeth because I haven't looked in the mirror (other than to look at my babe's reflection) since the night before.

Now that I'm a mom, I finally understand the crazy, throw-yourself-in-front-of-a-moving-bus-to-save-your-child-from-a-pin-prick type of love. I loved my husband (still do!) and am fiercely protective of him, but the voracious need to protect and keep my daughter safe is something unparalleled.

What things have happened in your life that bring you understanding on something you previously didn't understand?

Not-so-Wordless Wednesday: In Awe of Motherhood

To say life is sweet right now would be an understatement. Not sweet like Saaaaweeeeet, but sweet like gentle, pure, kind, gracious, agreeable. My daughter will be 4 months old in less than two weeks, and I have fully adjusted to the "new" normal. Besides my new saggy belly skin, everything else feels good, normal. India feels like she's been a part of our family forever.

I've been feeling this way for awhile, I probably could have written this two months ago, but yet every day I feel like I know her completely, but yet I learn something new. I get India. I know the tired cry, the hungry cry, the bored cry, the scared cry. I know when she is comfortable with someone, and when she isn't. I know when someone is overstimulating or annoying her before she even cries out. I know when she wants to eat, I know when she is finished. I know when she wants to face out, or when she wants to cuddle close. I know when she wants to sit in someone else's arms, I know when she wants to be readjusted in bed, I know when she wants to come back to my arms. I know when she wants out of all arms and just wants to chill. I know when she wants a toy, or when it's frustrating her. I know when she is really waking up from a nap, or if it's a false alarm. I know when she wants to stretch out on the floor, or when she wants to be held close. I know when she needs time and attention from me. I can see many emotions in her eyes, and even feel her emotions. Very rarely do I say, "I just don't know what you want!"

On days when I let her sit too long, let her crying escalate, or don't put her down to sleep when she's tired, it shows. I try meet my baby's needs and she is content. She understands when it's time to sleep and much to my disliking mostly prefers to go to sleep on her own or without me rocking her. My little girl, who used to have to be held while falling asleep, sometimes nursed to sleep and quite often held while sleeping, is growing up. I'm so so so so glad I took the advice of several wise people around me that told me to hold my baby all that I can, let her sleep in my arms, rock and nurse her to sleep - because soon it will change, those days will be done, and they will go too fast. They were right, it changed right before my eyes.

Maybe it's not that hard to understand. I'm sure other moms feel the same way? I guess I just thought this wouldn't happen until she was able to communicate more. Even still, it's a miracle to me. The other day, I was upset and India was just staring at me. Dallas said, "Honey, she can feel your frustration right now". I looked down and saw the look on India's confused face. I hadn't raised my voice or anything - she just knew.

She stares at me for hours everyday, loving almost every interaction I have with her. She is taking in all of me. Everything I do. She looks at me with full trust and vulnerability. She trusts me to feed her, love her, take care of her every need, teach her, comfort her, be present with her. I can see it in her eyes. And that's a sobering responsibility. I know I can't meet her every need, there will be times when I fail, and I already have and do. But I hope I am building a strong foundation of trust with me, her daddy, others who love her and that ultimately, she can see the love of God and know and trust Him as intimately as she knows and trusts me.