Not-so-Wordless Wednesday: In Awe of Motherhood

To say life is sweet right now would be an understatement. Not sweet like Saaaaweeeeet, but sweet like gentle, pure, kind, gracious, agreeable. My daughter will be 4 months old in less than two weeks, and I have fully adjusted to the "new" normal. Besides my new saggy belly skin, everything else feels good, normal. India feels like she's been a part of our family forever.

I've been feeling this way for awhile, I probably could have written this two months ago, but yet every day I feel like I know her completely, but yet I learn something new. I get India. I know the tired cry, the hungry cry, the bored cry, the scared cry. I know when she is comfortable with someone, and when she isn't. I know when someone is overstimulating or annoying her before she even cries out. I know when she wants to eat, I know when she is finished. I know when she wants to face out, or when she wants to cuddle close. I know when she wants to sit in someone else's arms, I know when she wants to be readjusted in bed, I know when she wants to come back to my arms. I know when she wants out of all arms and just wants to chill. I know when she wants a toy, or when it's frustrating her. I know when she is really waking up from a nap, or if it's a false alarm. I know when she wants to stretch out on the floor, or when she wants to be held close. I know when she needs time and attention from me. I can see many emotions in her eyes, and even feel her emotions. Very rarely do I say, "I just don't know what you want!"

On days when I let her sit too long, let her crying escalate, or don't put her down to sleep when she's tired, it shows. I try meet my baby's needs and she is content. She understands when it's time to sleep and much to my disliking mostly prefers to go to sleep on her own or without me rocking her. My little girl, who used to have to be held while falling asleep, sometimes nursed to sleep and quite often held while sleeping, is growing up. I'm so so so so glad I took the advice of several wise people around me that told me to hold my baby all that I can, let her sleep in my arms, rock and nurse her to sleep - because soon it will change, those days will be done, and they will go too fast. They were right, it changed right before my eyes.

Maybe it's not that hard to understand. I'm sure other moms feel the same way? I guess I just thought this wouldn't happen until she was able to communicate more. Even still, it's a miracle to me. The other day, I was upset and India was just staring at me. Dallas said, "Honey, she can feel your frustration right now". I looked down and saw the look on India's confused face. I hadn't raised my voice or anything - she just knew.

She stares at me for hours everyday, loving almost every interaction I have with her. She is taking in all of me. Everything I do. She looks at me with full trust and vulnerability. She trusts me to feed her, love her, take care of her every need, teach her, comfort her, be present with her. I can see it in her eyes. And that's a sobering responsibility. I know I can't meet her every need, there will be times when I fail, and I already have and do. But I hope I am building a strong foundation of trust with me, her daddy, others who love her and that ultimately, she can see the love of God and know and trust Him as intimately as she knows and trusts me.