Weekend Reading: 3/2/12

Happy weekend, everyone!  I hope this week has treated you with kindness and you have an opportunity to relax this weekend.  Here's a few things I've read this week that are great for thought.  Enjoy!

Breastfeeding isn't just a personal choice - it's also about public health.

George Gallagher shares why organic goods cost more.

An easy way to grow a consistent crop of cilantro (read: no bolting)! 

Are you looking for a healthy alternative to store-bought cooking spray?  What about coconut oil and unbleached liquid lecithin?

Dionna shares 101 things you can do instead of yelling or spanking.

Dealing with Rashes AND Cloth Diapers

It's probably no surprise that my daughter is prone to rashes.  It's been said that when I was a baby, I spent many hours with a red, rashy and sometimes bleeding bottom.  Not much seemed to help me and unfortunately, it seems like my daughter has inherited skin sensitivities from me.

We've had rashes, rashes and more rashes.  Any diaper rash is miserable for the baby and heartbreaking for the parents.  In cloth diapers or disposables, poor little India gets irritated and quickly.  While it's said that only about 5% of cloth diapered babies experience diaper rash in contrast to about 50% of babies in disposables, we've been on the unfortunate 5% side.

(PS- Many remember that we've done some Elimination Communication (EC) with India....well, she's been on strike with it for a couple of months.  Otherwise, EC would be the best choice in this situation.  Stubborn little girl.)
 
In order to remedy a rash, it's best to find a cause.  I'm not going to list every rash, the cause and the remedy..."We have a cat and if his hair get in the wipes solution our baby breaks out"...because, well, you know.

Common causes of cloth diaper rashes:

• Excessive wetness
• Yeast
• Detergent build up
• Reaction to synthetic materials, latex reaction being the most common
• Teething or illness
• Sensitivity in mom or baby's diet
• Reaction to detergent
• Reaction to disposable wipes (India had this at a young age)

Once you can figure out your cause, you can try one or several of the following solutions.
(note: besides being full of chemicals, regular diaper rash cream shouldn't touch cloth diapers, so I'm discussing alternatives here). 

• Keep baby's skin dry with a fleece liner
• Change frequently
• Extra Virgin Coconut Oil is great for rashes, especially yeast
• Strip your diapers to remove any residues from detergent, diaper creams or excess buildup.  This process needs even more detail if you are dealing with a yeast rash. 
• Change detergent.  Here is a list of common detergents, their ingredients and their ratings as to how safe they are for cloth diapers.
• Air out (just make sure you're prepared for some big smiles from your baby AND some accidents!)
• Use natural materials instead of synthetic
• Soak baby in warm baking soda water or salt water
• Apply breast milk and let it air dry.  They say breast milk fixes a lot of things and this is just one!  However, if you have a yeast rash, do NOT use breast milk!
• Use a cloth diaper safe diaper rash cream. Here is a great link to many creams and their ratings as to how cloth diaper safe they are.

For us, we've found that India can't have any wetness against her skin, so I cut up fleece to use as liners.  We also quickly learned that one of the most well-liked detergents makes her break out horribly.  Between frequent changes to keep her as dry as possible and using new soap, we've lessened her rashes dramatically!  If we see the start of a rash, we normally fight it off with either coconut oil, Earth Mama Angel Baby Bottom Balm or conventional diaper cream (make sure you use a disposable liner so your diaper doesn't get ruined from the cream).

The bottom line is what works for you may be a disaster for another family.  Keep trying different combinations and seek out help, until you find what works for you and what helps keep your baby's bum rash free! 

Photo courtesy of Jewels & Treasures.  What a stash!

Do you have any really cool tricks which help either prevent or treat diaper rash with cloth diapers?

Teaching your Baby Sign Language

When my daughter, India, was just a few months old, we began to teach her American Sign Language and Mandarin Chinese.  I still use a little Chinese with her, but wasn't confident enough in my language skills, so that's on the back burner. 

We focused more on American Sign Language (ASL).  We don't have anyone close to us who is hard of hearing or uses ASL, but we knew that any extra language development would only accentuate her mind.  Why not use one that encouraged early communication, is shown to help children how to read, and is practical as it's the third most common language in America?

We have primarily used Baby Signing Time and Signing Time DVDs to learn ASL.  Most of the time, I am around to engage in the videos too, but sometimes I do let her watch one while I make supper or start laundry. 

4 months old, India's first time watching Baby Signing Time

We started when she was around 4 months old and have gradually increased to watching three or four videos a week and then we practice them throughout the day.  While I don't normally walk around in the store using only signs to communicate, I do use them here and there publicly.  At home we use them a lot.  If I don't know a sign, I just omit it and sign the words I do know. 

My very favorite story was when India was maybe 11 months old.  She would kind of hug herself.  I wasn't as aware of the fact that she was possibly communicating to me, so I just thought she was being cute.  One day, I put it together, she was signing 'baby'!  She had been signing it for months but I never caught on!  She had been trying to tell me about her baby!  I realized at that time there were several other signs that she using, but I just wasn't paying attention.

That being said, her signs aren't perfect.  Obviously, her fine motor skills are developing, so some signs don't look exactly like they're supposed to.  It's OK, though.  I still understand what she is communicating and sign the correct sign back to her.

India getting Signing Time DVDs for her 1st Birthday

At 17 months of age, India is able to use about 50 signs in their proper context and can understand many more than that.  In addition to her spoken language, it has really enhanced communication, starting at about 10 months.  She can almost always communicate her needs with me, which is a blessing for BOTH of us.  There are some words she says that she no longer signs, but there are some words that she only signs.  Sometimes I only sign to her, which is a really nice thing if we're somewhere that she needs to be quiet!

As her spoken language develops more and more, we will still continue with ASL.  I had several students in my grade who used ASL to communicate and I always wished I would've been able to talk with them more.  If India continues to learn ASL, if she is ever in a situation like that, hopefully that ASL she has acquired will help her form relationships with others she never would've been able to communicate with otherwise.

It's never to late to learn another language.  Never!  It only benefits one's mind to be used in such a capacity, no matter the age.  If someone is 2 or 11 or 36 or 97, it's never too late!  

Do your children know a second language?  Have you ever wanted to learn another language?

I thought I formed her personality

When India was a baby, within hours of her birth, we learned she was very vocal and extremely content in my arms. 

Within a week or two, we realized we had a very passionate, opinionated, vocal, determined, intense, affectionate little girl who loved attention and being close to people, especially me, her Mama.  She didn't like to change clothes, disliked her carseat, hated baths, was easily distracted, wouldn't sleep 'just anywhere' and she also would never tolerate being alone.  No bouncy seat, no swing, nothing.  That's one of the reasons I bought a water sling - otherwise I never would've been able to even shower.

I remember being slightly jealous of other moms who told me stories of their newborn babies laying contentedly on a blanket, while they made dinner.  Really?  Babies do that??

At the same time, a part of me believed a lie that is prevalent everywhere, especially in the church: if you just do this, this and this with your baby, you'll have a compliant baby.  I sometimes wondered if I was doing something wrong and if I had created India's spirited personality.

When India was a newborn baby, I asked a couple of mothers of older children, "Around what age did your child's personality develop?"

All of their responses:  "Right away.  Looking back, their personalities are very similar to what they displayed in their early months of life."  I worried a bit because I had seen some indicators that India was strong-willed.

But I didn't totally believe what they said.  Nope.  I couldn't believe it.  See, I was under the impression that YOU make your child's personality for the most part.  If you just parent this way, or discipline like this, or follow this book, or teach your child about this, or don't do that so your child won't learn your bad habit.  As time went on and India grew, week by week, I noticed some of the same preferences in her little world. 

But wait, I was teaching her something different, so why was she continuing to dislike her carseat and always cry quickly and loudly?!?  I've spent the last 15 months telling my daughter to be gentle with other children and animals, and she isn't.  I've told her a bajillion times to please stop screaming and tantruming in stores because she wants to either get down and/or grab everything and Mean Mommy won't let her, but she doesn't listen.  I've bathed her for 15 months, and she still screams and cries the second she hears that it's bath time.  She's rode in her carseat hundreds of times, but I still get an arched back and a screech nearly every time she's getting buckled in.  For over 455 days, India has had her clothes changed, sometimes many times a day, and she still cries like I'm destroying her life every.single.time.

My previous belief that I determine her behavior from Day 1 is debunked.  If that was true, after a couple of weeks of bathing her, she'd be fine with the bath.  If my consistent, disciplined actions controlled personality, she'd stop the hysterical meltdowns when it's time to change her clothes.  Also, I see parents of multiple children, all parented the same way, with different personalities. 

India at 5 months, throwing a pretty big tantrum (for a 5 month old) because I wouldn't let her eat the Christmas lights.

Over the last month, we've been to several weddings. I've sighed a bit while I've watched other children her age sit in their parent's laps for the entire wedding ceremony!  Then they sit contentedly in a high chair during the meal and reception and maybe even take a nap in their dad's arms.  All the while, my child climbed out of my lap hours ago and hasn't stop running around and screaming since.  Heck, she won't even sit long enough to eat!  I watch my nieces who are her age sit and play nicely at family events (until India comes and terrorizes them).  They don't scream and tantrum and attack other children every 3.5 minutes.  Not much has changed since her first days - she would aggressively hug her cousins since just a few months old. 


She's still loud, vocal, aggressive, affectionate, passionate, constantly moving, fearless, an entertainer, loves to be around people, hates to change clothes, doesn't play on her own or with toys, hates baths, doesn't like her carseat, and will only sleep under the perfect circumstances. 

And you know what?  Nothing I've done has created those things.  In the same way, nothing I've been able to do so far has been able to persuade her otherwise. (Really, I've tried) 

But I'm SO proud of my girl.  I love her spirit!

And really, can I expect anything different?  She has two outspoken, aggressive, passionate, determined, loud and outgoing parents. :-)

Of course I don't let her run around like a little hooligan at all times.  She stays in the cart at stores.  If she screams or tantrums at church, we leave the area.  Throughout the day, I tell her no, we re-direct, I praise her for her accomplishments, express my sadness when she disobeys, and watch her experience natural consequences.

I get the stinkeye from some people in churches, you know, the Christians who have the answer.  Some people look at me with the your child shouldn't be so loud look, or the if you taught her correctly, she wouldn't scream look or the if you made her do that everyday, she wouldn't do that look or the you should be doing this right now in response to her look. 


I think when you aren't a parent, or maybe even when you are a parent, you are quick to judge on how you would do XYZ and problem ABC would be solved.  But that's not always the case.  There is no 'book answer' that works across the board.


I could make my daughter into the little girl others want her to be. 

I could do all the things some popular Christian parenting books tell me to do.  I could control her.  I could break her will.  I could swat her over and over again until she obeyed.  I could make her fear me.  I could yell at her.  I could threaten her.  I could make her submit.  I could do all those things and more to get a quiet, little child.


And those things might calm her outwardly, but it would quench her spirit, crush her trust, and equal outward obedience without a heart change.  It would ruin who God has made her to be. 
 
There are some things in her personality that as her mother I need to work with; to help gently carve, to encourage and to instruct, but ultimately, I love who God has made her to be and see great value in all of her personality traits - even though some need refining with time and growth.  I know that God has created her brimming over with passion and charm and I know He has amazing plans for my zesty, passionate, fearless girl.


God has made her magnetic and full of life, shining and entertaining wherever she goes. For now, I'm learning to shrug my shoulders at the judgmental eyerolls and I just need to remember that I can't control everything about her and I also can't control their judgments.   After all, this is good practice for the rest of our lives and whatever adventures she may partake in, because I have a feeling this is going to be an adventure!  ;-)

My spirited little girl, making her cousin Xiomara hug her (I think we have 30 pictures like this, some of them with Xiomara in tears)

Do you have a spirited child?  When did you realize they weren't just going to 'lay down and roll over'?  What has helped you the most in parenting them?

Sometimes I don't love breastfeeding

I was recently in a conversation with some other moms who breastfeed, when one of the moms made the statement that she doesn't love breastfeeding.  Many other moms chimed in in agreement.

She started listing reasons why she doesn't like it and the guilt she feels because of that. 

I've had very similar feelings many times over.

I don't know, but I don't think we have to love something like breastfeeding.  There are many things that we don't like or love, but we still do them anyway.  I don't care for green beans, but I eat them because I know they are good for me.  You don't like your job, but you show up to work anyways because your income provides what your family needs.  He doesn't like his car payment, but his car serves him well. 


I think breastfeeding can be similar. 

Like, love, dislike, hate, indifferent, are all feelings that breastfeeding mothers feel at different times. 

We can have those feelings and still breastfeed without guilt.


I've made lists of the things I like and the things I don't like about breastfeeding.  Many items are on both lists.

I like breastfeeding because:

• it nourishes my daughter
• we bond
• it calms her
• of the cuddling
• it's something that only I share with her
• she needs me
• of her sweet eyes as she nurses
• I have to stop and sit and rest while she eats
• it's a chance to regroup
• it's a great excuse to get me out of situations I don't want to be in
• she gets milk drunk; funniest thing ever!
• of her gentle pats while nursing
• watching her clap her hands while nursing cracks me up!
• it protects her
• her little body warms me up
• lifting up my shirt gives me a chance to cool
• sometimes it's the only thing she needs/wants
• it's convenient
• it helps her grow stronger and smarter
• it reduces my risk of cancer
• it's the best diet ever!

I don't like breastfeeding because:

• it's a lot of pressure to nourish a baby
• I would like my b00bs to myself
• it's something only I share with her
• she needs me
• I have to stop and sit and rest while she eats
• of her not so gentle demands
• of her squirming acrobatics
• pumping is the "b" word
• of the biting and pinching and scratching
• her little body is hot sometimes
• it makes me cold to lift up my shirt
• sometimes it's the only thing she needs/wants
• it's inconvenient

It may really, really, really surprise you to hear those words from me, the lactivist.  But it's true.  Some days I may love that she's goofing off and clapping and the next day I might get upset because I want to get business done!

Just being honest. 

You don't have to love breastfeeding in order to keep breastfeeding.

What did/do you love about breastfeeding? 

What did/do you dislike about breastfeeding?

What part of breastfeeding would you like to skip?

Pulling the (paci) plug

I'm so tossed up on this issue.  I don't think there is anything that I'm so unsure of in my quest as a new mom.

The pacifier!  Dun, dun, dun!

It's an instant soother, keeps my 10 month old daughter quiet when we're in situations where being a baby is not OK, and helps her sleep.

India wouldn't take a pacifier for about he first 10 weeks of her life, and she has a high need to suck.  So I was her pacifier.  I don't have bad feelings about it, but I needed something else besides my boob to relax my very, very, very vocal baby in public situations. 

She is addicted to her paci.  Loves it.  She will crawl the world one hundred times over to get her chubby little hands on that piece of silicone.  We only let her use it for naps and bedtime, or like I said before, in instances when we need her to be quiet.  It has made life convenient for us and we've never had sleep problems, thanks in part to our frienenemy, the pacifier.

On the other hand, I think India's growth slowed once the paci came into play and it's not natural.

India has been sick and I brought her to the doctor on Friday to get checked out.  It was all good, but the Doc suggested that we wean her from the pacifier, as she is a highly oral baby (as India ate, chewed and sucked on everything that was within 12 inches of her) and to prevent the fluid in her ears from turning into a full blown ear infection.  I know she has a high need to suck.  Some babies chew on their pacifiers, or just play with them, but India is very passionate about her paci.

Of course, I had to come home and read studies and research if this was the next step we wanted to take in 'preventative medicine'. :)

My husband also had lots of ear infections as a child, and we deducted that India has a high propensity towards them as well.  Given that and the reality that babies who uses pacifiers are three times more likely to get ear infections, and the fact that once you have an ear infection your probability of getting another goes up, we decided to pull the paci plug on Friday.  I've never liked her having a pacifier, and as you know, I am a bit of naturalist, so we pulled the plug, cold turkey.

Goodbye, happy pacifier days!

We've been going for over 72 hours without it.  And India is nursing at least one more per day and one time more at night.  That's good.  But is it because she needs more to eat or is she using me as her pacifier?  The bad is she naps less and it takes a while to get her to fall asleep.  She now cries a lot more, but that could be because she is recovering from her illness.  After much writhing and crying, she finally falls asleep, so my hands have been tied for the last couple of days, and my husband has been gone all weekend.  I've been watching a lot of Teen Mom as my out, not going to lie. 

My sweet little girl, who always went to sleep and stayed asleep so nicely, is now that child.  I admit, a pacifier is mostly for a parent's comfort. 

I'm not convinced that we will keep the pacifier away from her.  I'm tossed up as to whether we will wean her from the pacifier, but on the other hand, she is eating more, which is a great thing.

What's a mom to do...stop totally while we're on a roll, give it back to her and let her have it until she's two or three (believe me, this child is not going to voluntarily surrender for several more years), or give it back once her cold is gone?

For now, I think I will put everything on hold, and try for the next week to keep my sanity and hers as we wean from the pacifier.

Did you give your children a paci?  Did you 'take away' the paci at a certain age?  Any pacifier weaning tips?  Does it get better??? 

Her mom day & NIGHT, but sometimes I fail at the latter

We've been awfully spoiled with India.  In her almost ten months of earth side life, we've only had four or five wake-up-and-scream-for-no-apparent-reason episodes. 

Yes, only four or five.

I know many of you reading this have a one month old that is waking up hourly, or a 10 month old who wakes up every three hours to nurse or a 3 year old who wakes twice a night, or any combination of the above, and you're cussing me out under your breath.

I'm not here to complain about my daughter's sleep habits.  No, sir, I'm not.

This post is a complaint against me.

Normally if India wakes up at night, it's so easy.  Either Dallas or I get her, bring her to bed, she nurses, and after she will either stay in our bed or go back to hers.  No sleep lost on either part, and we're all happy.

Last night, India woke at 1 am, I tried to shush her back to sleep, but she wasn't having it.  I brought her in bed with me to nurse, which she did for a couple of minutes, then she turned restless.  At that moment, I knew we were going to be up for a while, as this is almost exactly what she's done the handful of other times she's got up during the night. 

I was immediately frustrated.  Let me tell you a secret. I turn into this different creature in the middle of the night.  I'm normally a pretty chill mom, my baby cries, I comfort her, no big deal.  But I was angry last night.   

She started crying and screaming, no matter what I did and no matter what my husband did. 

I was frustrated, so he got up with her, which turned her cries into hysterical, overtired screams.  After he had reached his limit, I intervened, holding her and singing, getting her so close to sleep time and time again, but to no avail.  When she has one of these episodes, there is no reasoning with her, no joking with her, no distracting her, no cuddling her, no nursing her - nothing works.  I was beyond frustrated after an hour of screeching.

Then, I had to walk away, leave her in her crib, while she screamed the most horrible screams.  I had reached my limit.

I went into my living room for a few minutes with my husband to cool off.  I was both mad and sad.  We do not believe in crying it out, because of the biological and emotional implications but mostly because that's not how our heavenly Father responds to us when we need comfort.

But at that moment, I said, "She can lay in there all night and scream!  I DO NOT care!"

I sat on the couch, and rambled a prayer like this while my baby cried in the background, "God, I know when I cry out to You, or I'm distressed or confused, You answer me.  You never let me sit alone and scream and cry and leave me disoriented.  You always bring me comfort and peace.  I'm really trying to do that right now with her!  Please help me be patient with her as I try to comfort her.  I really don't understand right now."

II felt a lot calmer and had more resolve, so I went back into the bedroom, held her, rocked her, continued to pray over her, sang over her, and got her back to sleep.

I woke up this morning to a smiley, cuddly, giggling little girl, I was in my right mind and I felt awful.  I apologized to my daughter for leaving her when she needed me. 

You see, when I signed up to be a mom, I signed up to be a mom day AND night.  I can't selfishly say, 'No, it's only convenient for me now' because that is not being wise with my talents.  I have to invest in her day and night, night and day.  I felt like I had failed in my duty, in my commission as her parent.

One of the things that scared me the most though, was that at that moment, I was willing to give up some of my most sacred parenting convictions...all for an hour and a half of sleep.  Is that what's really at the core of me when things get tough?  I'm ready to throw in the towel?

I was cleaning with India a bit this morning, and we had a mix of children's songs playing on iTunes.  The second song that came on was a song by Plumb, called 'Me', which was ironic because it's not really a kid's song.  As soon as it started playing, I started crying, and I knew that God was comforting me in my conviction.

God heard my cries for understanding and once again reminded me how 'crazy blessed and oh so lucky' I am to be her Mama - day AND night.

Please listen to this beautiful song by Plumb.

What a craptastic day.

I had a most divine day yesterday.  I did. 

Although it was filled with appointments and teaching piano lessons, which were great and uneventful, my day ended with a GNO.

A girls night out.  Good food, good drinks, good laughs.

I'm not huge on 'I need to get out of the house to keep my sanity' because mostly, I'd rather stay home with my husband and baby and cuddle and talk and watch PBS.   The only thing that could make me seem more boring than that is if you put some embroidery floos in my hands (no offense to my most excellent embroiderer friends-I'm inspired by your work).

Last night while out with my girls, I realized that it is good for me to talk with other moms and hear what's going on in their lives.  We also like to talk about other non-momish things.  I love my girlfriends, and after a night with them, I always feel encouraged and refreshed.

I guess that all of yesterday's good was preparing me for today's not so good, but not horrible, day.

I was stockpiling goodness.  I probably should've stockpiled some more.

Today, I spent all morning running around the house, cleaning, doing dishes and laundry and taking care of a little girl named India. 

This little girl named India, started to go to the bathroom, so I quickly took off her pants and diaper and rushed her to the toilet to do her business.  I use a thin, flushable liner to catch her poo.  If she happens to poop in her diaper, I just take it off and flush it down the toilet.  No rinsing the diaper.  Easy peasy.  And most of the time, she comes to me, starts pooping a little, and I get her to the toilet, where she does her duty, and we have no mess. 

After she is done, I put the disposable liner in the toilet, flush and put on a new diaper and liner. 

I did all that, except the flushing the toilet part. 

We went back to playing, when I noticed she had to go again.  Quickly, I ran her to the toilet.  While I was trying to set her on the toilet, I was juggling the poopy diaper in my other hand...and it wasn't firm by any means, if you know what I mean. 

Wiggling 9 month old with a poopy butt in one arm, Mama with fresh clean clothes on and nasty diaper in the other hand.

Ooooh, you know this is going to be bad.

Because of my multi-tasking, I was totally deserving of having that diaper not only fall and slide it's way down my pant leg, but through the course of trying to avoid it, it landed on my nice, fuzzy slippers and I then smooshed it all over the bathroom floor.

Yuck.  After she was finished on the potty, I tossed the liner in the toilet, and was so quick to get the shitake off me that I rushed to change her and me, and forgot to flush.  Again.

I had already started the laundry, so I had to do another load, with just my pants and slippers.

Sigh.  This day had started pretty stinky in every way.

We had it set up that while I was teaching piano lessons and Dallas was officiating baseball this afternoon, India's grandma Shelly would babysit her.  Unfortunately, Grandma Shelly had to cancel due to illness.  India's never had a non-family babysitter, but I called my neighbor to see if her daughter could come over once she was finished with school.  She said yes. 

Babysitter crisis averted.

Next, I get a phone call from a number I know, expecting it to be someone I really like talking with.  Instead, it's someone that I don't enjoy listening to, so I was a little peeved that I was 'tricked' into answering.  There was a miscommunication between us, we went around on the issue for a while, and I was already feeling feisty, but I held my tongue.

Whew.  At least I didn't make a mess with that one.

About 25 minutes before one of my afternoon students was going to come, I went into the bathroom to brush my hair and put on a little makeup (maybe for the first time today), and I noticed that I hadn't flushed the toilet after India had gone to the bathroom. 

So I flushed.

And apparently, putting two disposable liners in the toilet is a bad, bad, bad idea.  Like, plug the toilet bad.


The water rose pretty high, but it was contained.  I went to change the laundry (remember my poopy slippers?) and came back to a poo-water flooded bathroom.

In just 5 minutes. 

Enter choice words.  I think I literally said, "oh shit"!

Just callin' it what it is.

Apparently, the toilet had been running.  I would stop it, then it would start again, flooding the bathroom even more.

India was as curious as all get out, and threw a complete tantrum when I made her sit in her least favorite spot, her exersaucer.  All she wanted to do was play in the water.

I threw every rag and junk towel that we own onto the bathroom floor. 

Then I decided to flush again.  And again. 

And oops. 

It was a disaster zone.  Less than 20 minutes before my piano student was coming. 

Screaming child.  Mama with no makeup.  Poowater bathroom.  Second pair of slippers full of diluted poo-ness.

In between leaving play by plays on Dallas' voicemail and trying to comfort India I noticed my piano student had arrived - early!  I quickly closed the bathroom door, and started piano lessons.

Lessons went good, and India's babysitter was great too.

As soon as lessons were over, back to the bathroom I went, sloshing up cold poowater with rags while thinking, "There has got to be a better way to do this!  Like, maybe some fuel and a torch"!

And here I sit, writing, eating barbeque potato chips as my dinner, waiting for my poor knight in shining armor to come home, to a nasty bathroom, in a couple of hours after officiating a double header and working over 12 hours yet again today.

And maybe dreaming that is was still yesterday and I was out eating yummy food with my cute girlfriends.  

Was my day that awful?  No, there was lots of great parts to it and I've had worse.  But it sure did make me laugh and say, this day surely was craptastic, in the literal sense of the word!

Now, excuse me, I'm off to find a working bathroom!

Why I think it's OK to be an older mom

I'm an old (er) mom.  Not that old, but for the community I live in, to have your first child when you're 28 is a pretty rare thing (I'm 29 now). Most in our small town get married and have children at a young age.


I planned on doing that too as I thought "that's just what happens next"!  I got married a month shy of my 20th birthday, and purposed to start having babies about two years after we were married. 


Right before our two year anniversary, we moved away and joined a mission organization, and all plans for kids went WAY on the back burner.  When we'd visit home some people couldn't believe that we didn't have kids.  When we were back in the city, people couldn't believe that we knew people who were married and done having kids by the time they were 25.  Both parties could not understand the other.


When we were on the mission field, we were surrounded by dozens of other couples our age, who put parenthood on a stop to finish their education, enjoy time as a couple and most often, to engage in mission work.  With the work we were doing, it would've been tough to have kids, and our role of service would've drastically changed and surely lessened. 


There are many great things about being a younger mom, I don't mean to discount those, but I want to highlight some of the reasons I like being an older mom.


1. My husband and I enjoyed each other and the world.  For over 7 years, we got to do things that you  read about in National Geographic magazine.  We were young, ambitious, no health problems, nothing holding us down, no debt, no house, and had willing hearts.  To say we thoroughly enjoyed those years of full time ministry together would be an understatement. Yes, there were times when we wanted to have kids, and when we would come home we faced a lot of pressure.  But there were also times when we seriously considered not having children and spending our lives in uninhibited service instead.

 Of course, kids play a valid role in ministry, but we couldn't have done all that we did with children.  Would I be happy if I had just had kids right away?  Probably, because I wouldn't have known any different. We have seen and been a part of some incredible things, and it has greatly formed how we see the world and how we will raise our daughter. 


2. I had time to think about how we want to raise our children.  I was the first of my friends to get married, and they got to watch and learn about marriage through my failures and successes.  Now, being one of the last to have kids, I have learned from them.   


We also have met thousands of children along the way, and watching how they respond to people, their parents and God, influenced our decision to parent the way we do.  Dallas and I would look for kids who responded not out of obedience, because lots of Christian kids respond in obedience out of fear of consequences or judgment, but for those who responded from the overflow of their heart and when no one was watching. We saw great fruit from families who practiced natural or attachment parenting and seek to emulate how we have seen our friends interact their children. 


3. I try to enjoy every moment and try not to stress. :-)  Several friends told me that I don't seem stressed when things don't go as planned with India (ha, they don't see me when she poops her diaper, her pants, her shirt, her socks, her shoes, right as we are leaving for church).  Someone else mentioned that it's nice to see that I don't treat India as an inconvenience or something that 'needs to be quickly taken care of' so I can go off and do my thing.  That's very easy for me to do, as I had plenty of time to go off and do my own thing and I'm happy in Momville, surrounded by my baby 24 hours a day.  :-)  That may be harder for an unwed mother to say or hard for the young married couple working minimum wage with bills surpassing their income.  I don't pass judgment on those situations; they have burdens to carry that I know nothing of, but I think "being ready" does make a difference.  I have watched friends struggle with infertility and some lose their children, all experiences which make me thankful for every screaming moment.  For us, after 8 years of marriage we decided we were ready to have a baby.  We were at a good spot in our lives to introduce a child and are cherishing every moment. 


Are you an older or younger mom?  Do you sometimes wish that you were the opposite or are you happy with your decision?

I think we've got it all backwards

At that time the disciples came to Jesus and said, "Who then is greatest in the kingdom of heaven?"

And He called a child to Himself and set him before them, and said, "Truly I say to you, unless you are converted and become like children, you will not enter the kingdom of heaven. 

"Whoever then humbles himself as this child, he is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven".

Matthew 18:1-4

Before you begin reading, go and read those verses up above.  I know you skipped them, because you've probably read them 100 times, as have I.  But go read them again. ;-)

I've been thinking of what it means to become like a child and to have faith like a child.  I don't know all of the theology about it, but here is what I do know, based on watching my daughter interact with both animate and inanimate objects.


- She trusts.  She has no reason not to.  We answer her cries and listen when she needs something.  Not like I, who has learned not to trust.  She hasn't really been let down.
- Her favorite toys are the simple things that bore me; the light, the wooden spoon, the empty bottle, her shadow.  She doesn't need fancy, she doesn't need to be impressed. She is in awe of all creation. 
- She communicates clearly.  Anyone who knows my daughter knows what she wants and when.  
- She is truthful, and doesn't manipulate.  She doesn't mince words like I do, either to pad things up or to tear down viciously.
- She loves to be nekkid and loves to be loud.  And nekkid AND loud, that is her dream come true! She is proud of who she is, not embarrassed. She is so proud of everything about herself.
- Nothing is too dangerous for her.  She isn't bound by fear and full of 'what if' questions, like I.
- She doesn't judge the outside.  If you are dirty, smelly, or wear the 'wrong' clothes, she doesn't care.  She sees a real person.  She has no prejudice. 
- She takes time to do what she wants to do, or what she thinks needs to be done.  She isn't confined by a clock or a to-do list.
- She laughs and smiles at herself, at her toys, at us, at strangers.  Joy and confidence ooze from her.
- She is dependent on us for everything and isn't embarrassed to cry for help.  Different cries mean different things; hunger, boredom, curiosity, tired, scared. 
- She isn't afraid to cry, to break down, or let people see the 'ugly' side of her.  I hide all of those aspects of me as I'm ashamed.

I often think that I have things right spiritually.  Or I look at people I respect and admire and wish for their faith. 

No doubt, my daughter has a sin nature, I'm not disputing that fact, but I think we have it all wrong. Even backwards. 

"Grow up!"
"Stop acting like such a baby."
"Quit your crying or I'll give you something to cry about."
"You're such a child!"
"When are you going to act your age?"
"Children should be seen and not heard."
"Stop being such a foolish child!"

I think it's time for me to consciously enjoy the little things, be bold, laugh at fear, smile at strangers, trust, communicate honestly, ask for help from others, be dependent on God, and be not afraid of who I was created to be.

Yes! I do wear my baby!

One of the things I get asked about a lot is cloth diapering, and I posted about that here.

Another question I get asked a lot is about baby carriers/slings/wraps (for ease, I will generally call them carriers for the rest of this blog post), so I decided to do a post about the different carriers I own!

I 'wear' India almost every day. Sounds kind of creepy, doesn't it?

I LOVE baby wearing, and the hippie in me has known I would do it before it was even "cool" or even knew there was such a term as baby wearing!  I firmly believe that the first several months of a babies life, it's just easier and best to keep your baby close.  Without a carrier, that is nearly impossible as you have many other tasks to complete in a day! 

Enter, the baby carrier!  Da da dummm!

India does laundry with me, cleans, washes dishes, cooks, gardens, pays bills, nurses, goes on walks with me, goes to the bathroom with me, goes to work with me, and even showers by means of a carrier.  I'm not the type to set my baby down for an hour, to be mindlessly entertained by a TV or flashing toy.  India joins me and gathers information from the world around her.  She loves to "be worn" and I love wearing her.

About 2 months old. <3

Babies want to be close.  They want affection. They want interaction.  When India tires of all the movement, and over stimulation when we are at social gatherings, she can easily snuggle closer and fall asleep.

I am, by no means, an expert, but I am a learning mommy, willing to share with you what has helped in my life!

I have six baby carriers, and I intend to go through and review each of them, in the order that I got them.

1. Traditional Chinese Mei Tai carrier (I paid about $9 in China.  Regularly around $80) - I bought this carrier when I was in China two years ago, knowing that someday we would want children.  I have used this the least, so I don't have much more to say on this!

2. Hotslings (I won this. Normally priced around  $30-$40, depending on the brand.  Hotslings is now out of business, but a very similar sling would be Seven Slings)

Trying to keep her awake a little longer! 4 months

• Pros - Packs small, very quick to put on, cheap, India is comfortable in it
• Cons - Uneven weight distribution can hurt your back, it's cheap for a reason, if not properly used it could easily suffocate a newborn, sized for the individual

I use my Hotsling when I need a sling quickly, like for 15 minutes or less.  I also use it when India is in a bunting bag.  This is one of my least favorite slings, but yet it is valuable for the reasons stated above.  You get what you pay for with this sling.  It is cheap, and doesn't do the job very well.

3. Lillebaby (I received this as a gift, normally around $100)

About 2 months old!

• Pros - Lightweight, is smaller than an Ergo, can face out on a front carry, adjustable seat area so little ones can fit better, carry all directions, isn't as hot in the summer (compared to a Moby or Ergo).
• Cons - Straps twist easily, doesn't distribute weight as nicely as an Ergo

I really like this carrier.  India is over 16  pounds right now, but apparently this carrier lasts up to 42 pounds.  My favorite feature (right now) is the adjustable seat area for different sized babies.  If we are going somewhere, and don't have much room for stuff, I pack the Lillebaby.  It was especially nice to have a breathable sling in the summer. 

4. Moby Wrap (I received this as a gift, normally around $40)

About 1 week old, taking her out of the Moby

• Pros - The most comfortable and natural feeling, baby stays incredibly close, best for napping, can face all directions, one size fits all
• Cons - All the fabric can be intimidating, it's warm

I used my Moby all the time when India was little!  She loved it!  We still use it, and it's especially nice when we were outside this fall in the cooler weather or when I want India to sleep instantly. This is an excellent carrier.  I loved the simplicity of a wrap-style carrier - feels very basic and crunchy.

5. Ring Sling (mine is mesh for the water $48 - I paid $40)

Tired, 3 month old baby!

• Pros - Incredibly lightweight, very breathable, one size fits all, packs up and dries great
• Cons - Have to wear this correctly or else it would be easy to have an accident

Since India doesn't takes baths, she showers with me in this. I wish, wish, wish that I would've had this last summer because it's so cool and lightweight and I would've loved to take India swimming in it!  I purchased this from a great Etsy mama's store, BabyEtte!

6. Ergo Baby Carrier ($105 to $138 - I got a new organic one for $80!!)

About to take a nap while I make Split Pea Soup - 6 months

• Pros - Incredible weight distribution, very sturdy, keeps baby close, good up to 40 pounds, fits all body types, hood included, easiest to use of all my carriers
• Cons - Baby can't face out (I understand why they do this, but it would be a nice option), very warm, back only goes up to India's shoulders so when she sleeps her head isn't as secure (although this hasn't been a problem yet)

When you dig into the babywearing world, Ergos and Becos are the top soft structure carriers you will hear about.  Many people wonder what the difference is between the Ergo and the Beco, but honestly, it depends on which model you are talking about.  They are both excellent.  When my niece was born 3 and a half years ago, I wore her in an Ergo and a Beco.  For some reason, I liked the Ergo better - it seemed to fit me better.  The Ergo is amazing and I absolutely love it!

Am I missing any?  Not to be covetous, but yes!  I would love some sort of woven wrap for back carries since the Moby isn't safe for that!  :-)  Someday!

In summary - I have spent about $140 on baby carriers, which isn't very much at all, but I would easily spend triple that as these are invaluable to me!  I have all these carriers and use them all for different purposes and reasons and seasons and since several of mine were gifts, I have kept them.

If you are on a tighter budget, I would get a Moby wrap, and a soft structure carrier, like an Ergo or Beco.  If you are really, really, really saving dimes, just get the soft structure carrier.

But remember, as is the case with most things, and is also true with carriers, you get what you pay for! 

My baby doesn't eat solids and has stranger anxiety

Yep, my baby doesn't eat solids.  And quite often screams when strangers hold her.  I am THAT mom with THAT baby. 

Normally, those facts would intimidate me, but being a new mom, I'm continually learning new things everyday in regards to raising our daughter.  Who knew there were so many studies and tests on infant development!  Being the researcher that I am, I can easily find myself reading in depth medical reports for hours, just to come to a simple conclusion.  :-)  

Sometimes my baby doesn't do things exactly as other babies do.

India is so proud of her 6 month old self - and so are we! She loves looking at herself in the mirror, sitting up, trying to crawl/scoot, standing up around our coffee table, dropping everything from her high chair, playing everything like she's a professional drummer and chewing on everything with her two little teeth!  Developmentally she is doing great and even exceeds many of the six months milestones.  She still looks so much like her Daddy!

She is still long and skinny, staying in the 40th percentile for weight and the 75-80th percentile for height.  Another area that she is just like Daddy; long and skinny. ;-)

Since she wants absolutely EVERYTHING that we have in our hands, we decided to let her chew on a little bit of our food.  This is where I discovered my baby isn't interested in solid food.

I gave her a slice of avocado.  FAIL.  And let her gnaw on my banana.  Not interested.  How about a bit of my apple?  Nope. 

Well then. 

She wants to chew on them for a minute or two, but then she wants the next thing in our hands.  She is mostly curious.

I didn't think she was really ready to eat solids because she still has the tongue thrust reflex, but decided to try it, just to let her experiment and because she begs like a sad little puppy dog.  And pants like one too.  Her doctor agreed that she isn't ready if she is still pushing the food out of her mouth and there is no reason to rush her.

Speaking of the Dr....at India's 6 month check-up we talked about solids, and to my surprise without me even mentioning it, the doctor recommended baby led solids, also known as child led weaning or infant led solids, which is what we are doing for the most part!  I will puree a few things for freezing and eating from her mesh feeder, but otherwise, no purees.  She will also use her mesh feeders for eating food too. 

Like any mom who has heard, "she's going to starve if she doesn't get rice cereal" or "you can't survive on milk, how can she?", those comments and pressure still plays in my head sometimes. 

A bit of advice has been playing in the back of my head throughout this and the Doctor read my mind while we were talking about the need for solids.

The Doctor reiterated that she doesn't absolutely need solids until 1 year old, as solids have minimal nutritional value compared to breast milk.  I didn't know this about babies until after India was born and my midwife told me not to rush solids and that she is fine on breast milk alone for the first year.  I didn't believe it fully at first, and thought she was maybe confused but I did a little research of my own.  She's right.   I've since had two doctors tell me the same thing! 

I think God has been telling me to handle this the way I handle everything else - naturally.   There is no need to push this. 

I plan to keep occasionally giving her food like avocado, sweet potato slices, Skittles (I joke), squash blocks, apples to gnaw on, etc.  It's mostly for her to explore, learn, taste, practice her pincer grip and satisfy her curiosity, until she is ready to begin ingesting the food. 

Sounds like a plan.  I'm not in a hurry, and I'm confident that if she gets hungry, she'll stop playing Play-Doh and parachute with her avocado and start eating it instead.  I'm laid back enough to not push it - it'll happen when it happens.

When the Dr asked me if she has stranger or separation anxiety, I said yes (like her response to the nice elderly gentleman she screamed at in the waiting room before our appointment who just talked to her??  Didn't you hear her from the waiting room?  Because everyone else did), quite often and that she loves everyone as long as she is in my arms!  She always likes to know where I am at all times, and will quite often whimper, or more accurately bellow, when she sees me while she is in someone else's arms. 

The Doctor was VERY happy about this!

What?  I thought we were on the same team here, Doc!? 

I guess it's a good sign, as it means she is attached to me, greatly lessening her chances of reactive attachment disorder and especially autism.  I said that I just thought it was a phase, one which makes everyone else mad and leaves me a little embarrassed, and was told that it's actually a very good thing that she cries with other people and wants me and if she just goes to anyone that could mean she hasn't bonded to me and would cause the doctor some concern, as that would be indicative to other issues.  Again, I want my daughter to remember twelve years from now that she would CRY to be with me, not CRY to get away from me!

Of course, I consulted my dear friend Google on this matter and after reading for two hours (it really should've taken me 30 seconds, but I told you, I want to read lengthy medical reports, not just WedMD's answer), and it's true.  Maybe everyone knew this already, but it is news to me!

So my apologies to any of you who try to hold my daughter, or talk to her or even look her direction.  She really doesn't hate you, she's just developing properly. :-)

Have any of you done baby led solids?  Any tips you would like to share?  Am I the only one who didn't know that stranger and separation anxiety is really a great thing?

I Want You To Know...(Happy 6 Months India!)

To my dear India Josephine,


You are now 6 months old.  6 months.  That's half a year!  I can't believe how fast you have grown!  You are still my little lovebug and my joy.  I can honestly say that I am cherishing every moment with you.  I can't believe you, my precious daughter, are getting so big!


There are so many things about you that haven't changed at all.  Mostly, your personality.  A few things have changed.  Those are mostly developmental things.  I want you to know, that whatever pace you are changing, it's alright with me.  It's supposed to be.  I also want you to know that your personality is unique - I never want to quench your spirit or try to change you into something for my convenience.


My heart skips a beat when you smile or laugh.  Your Daddy & I are so proud of you! You are absolutely beautiful - perfectly made.  Your bright blue eyes, little tongue, chubby cheeks - gorgeous.  I want you to know there is no one more beautiful than you.


You love people, always have a smile for everyone (except when you're overtired) and you enjoy getting lots of attention from all people.  You are by definition, a ham.  You know how to charm and win people over.  Complete strangers love you everywhere we go as you light up for the slightest smile.  You are a people baby!  You bless many people daily!  I want you to know that God has great plans in relationships for you.


You are very, um, let's say vocal.  You have been since Day 1.  When you were first born, you let us know, and all the neighbors, the instant you were hungry!  You have always been very good at communicating exactly what you need.  In that way, it has made it easy on me as your mother.  There is nothing subtle about your personality.  But what can you expect with your Daddy and I as your parents?  ;-)  I'm 95% sure that you say "hi" now.  I want you to know that your voice can someday be used to speak for the voiceless.  I also want you to know that you are ALWAYS going to have a voice and be heard with your Daddy and I.  I don't want you to be quiet because that's not who you are.

You were very active inside my tummy.  You still have to be on the move now.  You still love to "stand" up.  You still hate to be cradled, and I wince when people try to cradle you, because I know you will begin to cry.  I don't have the heart to tell them you hate to be held that way - I'm always counting on your great lungs to communicate.  And most of the time, it works.  You LOVE to sit up (on your own of course, Ms. Independent) and look around.  You want to be on the go, and I'm sure that once you start moving yourself you will be the happiest baby ever!  I want you to know that all your energy is OK!  There are lots of things that you can do in the world!  I don't believe that you have to be this perfect, calm baby/person.  And neither should you.


You are determined and persistent in every sense of the word.  There isn't an ounce of apathy in you. If you see a toy, you won't stop until you get it.  I would say you are aggressive.  In a good way, of course.  If you are laying down, and we sit you up but you really wanted to stand up, you will yell at us until we finally stand you up.  Then you send us a big smile.  You have been this way from the beginning.  I want you to know that this determination and boldness can serve you well.  I pray that your eyes will stay on your goals and the passions that are in your heart won't die before their time.

You are a smart little girl.  You easily know and recognize people and remember places. You know which toys do what.  I will continue to teach you and help you grow, and don't plan on dumbing things down for you, in language, in developmental activities, in every day life.  I want you to know that I only wish to encourage your intelligence, that's why I will continue to challenge you.

You are very curious and observant, still.  It takes a lot for you to sleep if there are people talking around you, or music playing.  Some people think you should just be able to sleep anywhere, but just remember, they only sleep in their own beds, not in the middle of a "party". ;-) You have to see and be involved in everything.  As much as you are active and you love people and like to be out doing things, you are easily overstimulated.  Of course, you haven't learned when enough is enough, so I try to decide that for you.  I'm was and still am the same way.  I want you to know that your sensitivity is normal.  I don't expect you to drown out everything else.  I hope and pray that you stay sensitive.  I want you to know that your observation can be a great tool in discernment.


You do love to be home, especially when you feel overwhelmed by lots of noises and people.  Many times, after a time of overstimulation and crying, we will come home and you will just coo and cuddle and giggle with us for two more hours!  You just wanted to be left alone by everyone else and wanted us.  I want you to know that if you ever find yourself in a situation that is just "too much", you can always come home to us!  We will be here, waiting for you with love.


I know by the time you can read this that you probably won't believe that you wanted to be with me so much.  But you do.  You look for me everywhere, you don't let me far from your sight.  And when I know you're being bothered by something and I don't rescue you immediately, either because I don't want to hurt any one's feelings or because I want you to be exposed to other things, you look at me with desperation in your eyes.  I want nothing more than to "rescue" you.  Of course, sometimes I do.  I want you to know that I will do my best to be there to help you.  I will also protect you.  But I do want you to experience other things.


You love to chew on my chin.  You also love to give me big kisses.  You grab my head, pull me close and slobber all over me!  I love it!   You have a great sense of humor!  Your exercauser is the first toy you've loved, besides Sophie the Giraffe and your new Babi Corolle doll.  You still love to be read to.   You still love your nekkid time and love to chew on your toes.  You aren't really allowed to watch TV, except for Baby Signing Time & Little Pim Chinese.  They only hold your attention for about 10 minutes. :-)  Then, you are looking for real people to interact with, my little social girl.  I want you to know that I love watching you have fun.  I'm not a fun-spoiler!  The guidelines we have set up for you already are for your good (I'm sure you'll be hearing that a lot more).


You are content in a carrier, on me.  That way you can observe and be a part of everything, but yet still stay close to me for comfort.  You could stay this way all day long.  We have a great bond.  I want you to know that you can always come to me for comfort and shelter.  I will try my best.


Your Daddy can make you laugh like no one else!  You are crazy about him!  He can lift your mood in an instant.  Daddy is always a lot of fun - he makes everything very fun! He prays for you, and you love to "talk" with him.  You love him and he loves you.  I want you to know that your Daddy will always pray for you, be there for you and loves it when you talk to him!  Your Daddy is great at giving you undivided attention.


You love, love, love music!  You will sit by me on the piano and "play" and "sing" with me.  The first time I knew for sure that I felt you move in my tummy was when I was playing piano and singing.  You also love to dance!!!  I want you to know that even if you end up not being musically inclined, I will love you just the same.  I don't want to pressure you to perform.  I want you to know that it's OK to let the rhythm move you.  Don't be embarrassed.


I want you to know India, that I love you with all of my being.  You have changed how I see the world.  You have made every day of my life brighter.  I thank God for you, the little person that He entrusted to me. Thank you for being you! 


I want you to know that I'll love you always and forever!
Mama