Why I think it's OK to be an older mom
I'm an old (er) mom. Not that old, but for the community I live in, to have your first child when you're 28 is a pretty rare thing (I'm 29 now). Most in our small town get married and have children at a young age.
I planned on doing that too as I thought "that's just what happens next"! I got married a month shy of my 20th birthday, and purposed to start having babies about two years after we were married.
Right before our two year anniversary, we moved away and joined a mission organization, and all plans for kids went WAY on the back burner. When we'd visit home some people couldn't believe that we didn't have kids. When we were back in the city, people couldn't believe that we knew people who were married and done having kids by the time they were 25. Both parties could not understand the other.
When we were on the mission field, we were surrounded by dozens of other couples our age, who put parenthood on a stop to finish their education, enjoy time as a couple and most often, to engage in mission work. With the work we were doing, it would've been tough to have kids, and our role of service would've drastically changed and surely lessened.
There are many great things about being a younger mom, I don't mean to discount those, but I want to highlight some of the reasons I like being an older mom.
1. My husband and I enjoyed each other and the world. For over 7 years, we got to do things that you read about in National Geographic magazine. We were young, ambitious, no health problems, nothing holding us down, no debt, no house, and had willing hearts. To say we thoroughly enjoyed those years of full time ministry together would be an understatement. Yes, there were times when we wanted to have kids, and when we would come home we faced a lot of pressure. But there were also times when we seriously considered not having children and spending our lives in uninhibited service instead.
Of course, kids play a valid role in ministry, but we couldn't have done all that we did with children. Would I be happy if I had just had kids right away? Probably, because I wouldn't have known any different. We have seen and been a part of some incredible things, and it has greatly formed how we see the world and how we will raise our daughter.
2. I had time to think about how we want to raise our children. I was the first of my friends to get married, and they got to watch and learn about marriage through my failures and successes. Now, being one of the last to have kids, I have learned from them.
We also have met thousands of children along the way, and watching how they respond to people, their parents and God, influenced our decision to parent the way we do. Dallas and I would look for kids who responded not out of obedience, because lots of Christian kids respond in obedience out of fear of consequences or judgment, but for those who responded from the overflow of their heart and when no one was watching. We saw great fruit from families who practiced natural or attachment parenting and seek to emulate how we have seen our friends interact their children.
3. I try to enjoy every moment and try not to stress. :-) Several friends told me that I don't seem stressed when things don't go as planned with India (ha, they don't see me when she poops her diaper, her pants, her shirt, her socks, her shoes, right as we are leaving for church). Someone else mentioned that it's nice to see that I don't treat India as an inconvenience or something that 'needs to be quickly taken care of' so I can go off and do my thing. That's very easy for me to do, as I had plenty of time to go off and do my own thing and I'm happy in Momville, surrounded by my baby 24 hours a day. :-) That may be harder for an unwed mother to say or hard for the young married couple working minimum wage with bills surpassing their income. I don't pass judgment on those situations; they have burdens to carry that I know nothing of, but I think "being ready" does make a difference. I have watched friends struggle with infertility and some lose their children, all experiences which make me thankful for every screaming moment. For us, after 8 years of marriage we decided we were ready to have a baby. We were at a good spot in our lives to introduce a child and are cherishing every moment.
Are you an older or younger mom? Do you sometimes wish that you were the opposite or are you happy with your decision?
Labels: attachment parenting, motherhood
posted by Uniquely Normal Mom @ 3:16 PM
8 Comments
8 Comments:
I'm an "older" first time mom-to-be ... at least in my thinking/Christian circles I have encountered. I'll be close to 27 when our baby is born, which looks like an old age to me.
However, I feel like my time in ministry kept me younger than I am. Does that make sense? My husband and I might be 26, but we don't have the house, or the big paying job. We gave up those for our time as missionaries, so in some ways I still feel like I'm that 22 year first hitting the world. And that's ok, because I loved my time in ministry. But it does hit my self-esteem some as I look at friends younger than me who are a wee bit more established than we are.
I had my first baby at 25 and second at 28, almost 29. We *really* enjoyed our first 4.5 years of marriage getting to know each other, travel and just up and go with no kids. I highly recommend young married couples wait a little bit before introducing kids into the mix.
We wanted to wait 5 years after marriage to have our first, but God thought a little sooner was best, obviously :)
yes! i am an old mom! almost 30 when i had my now almost 12 yr old son. i thought i was ready and more mature, but i don't think we realize that nobody is really "ready" or "mature enough" to be a first time parent. the first 5 yrs were hard because i didn't know the Lord, but after that God has amazingly brought us thru many trials. i am a single mom, as you mentioned in your blog, and i'm also the mom living with bills surpassing my income. i'm also a stay-at-home mom who homeschools. was i ever "ready" for all of this. no way! but i would NEVER change it for all the money in the world. God would not have been to work in me the way He did if i didn't have my son....whether i was ready or not
I am(was) a young mom. We got married when I was 17 and I had our first 11 months later, at 18. Our second was born 1 month before my 21 birthday, 3rd when I was 23 and 4th when I was 25. I always thought I'd move away and go to college and then have kids and work full time, all in a larger community. Instead, I met my husband half way through my senior year and we married after 4 months of dating.
I was a stay-at-home mom for many years, occasionally working part time jobs. My husband worked full time until June 2009 and has been home since due to a disability. I am now going to school full time.
As a young mom I immersed myself in parenting magazines, attending ECFE classes, going to the YMCA and play groups. I attribute my "learning" about parenting to my personality. I struggled personally, often silently, as most moms were 8-10-15 years older than myself and I struggled to have anyone to connect with. My friends were off at college, partying, etc. I am often thankful that I was married and had kids so that I wasn't out getting into trouble. That is not to downplay the loneliness I felt.
If I could do it over, would I have waited? Not in a million years. Am I sometimes sad that I haven't traveled and don't have my college degree behind me? For sure. But I couldn't imagine not having each of my kids, and each of them was created at a specific time and they wouldn't be exactly who they are had I not been pregnant with them when I was.
I love being a young mom. I was asked recently by a classmate of my son's if he was my brother! Bless her heart :) Now, as I strive to learn more about our world, other people, cultures, sub-cultures, etc., I am more mature and can take in things and experience things differently than I would have 10-12 years earlier. I am loving going to school, despite how hard it is sometimes going to school full time and having 4 kids who are busy. My professors are very understanding if my kids are sick, have programs, etc. They have instant respect for me that I am taking my education seriously. I also have more courage to humble myself and ask for help.
Way off task, I know. Mothering...it hasn't been easy, we've changed our approach to different situations, challenges and with different kids. It has been a learning process. But I don't know that I would have known exactly what to do in every situation had we waited.
As you know I was 23 when I had my first. I guess to some that would be young, but young is all relative isn't it? :)
I love that you followed God in leading and that you had that time of ministry and now you time to be mom and still do ministry.
For us, we waited almost 4 years before we had our first. I am SO thankful I waited. Are there things I wished we would have done? Absolutely! But we also always knew that we wanted to do things together as a family. So we plan on doing some ministry stuff together. How that looks, we aren't sure yet, just waiting on God to confirm some things in our hearts.
It was also very important to my husband to be a young dad. His dad was older when he had him and he just didn't feel that he was able to relate to him as much (of course there are probably some other factors involved in that). Plus he wants to be there for our children and grandchildren one day.
Even though I'm a young mom, I have done research and stayed with my gut instinct to parent in a gentle parent approach. I'm not sure age has so much to do with how one approaches parenting, but rather societal pressures can influence when really God should be the influence. Does that make sense?
Anyway, I guess what I'm trying to say is that even though I'm what is considered a young mom, I don't regret it. I think God gives us our children at the exact time He wants and whether young or old, His timing is correct, and we live in that season of our lives fully until God shows us the next.
I am(was) a young mom. We got married when I was 17 and I had our first 11 months later, at 18. Our second was born 1 month before my 21 birthday, 3rd when I was 23 and 4th when I was 25. I always thought I'd move away and go to college and then have kids and work full time, all in a larger community. Instead, I met my husband half way through my senior year and we married after 4 months of dating.
I was a stay-at-home mom for many years, occasionally working part time jobs. My husband worked full time until June 2009 and has been home since due to a disability. I am now going to school full time.
As a young mom I immersed myself in parenting magazines, attending ECFE classes, going to the YMCA and play groups. I attribute my "learning" about parenting to my personality. I struggled personally, often silently, as most moms were 8-10-15 years older than myself and I struggled to have anyone to connect with. My friends were off at college, partying, etc. I am often thankful that I was married and had kids so that I wasn't out getting into trouble. That is not to downplay the loneliness I felt.
If I could do it over, would I have waited? Not in a million years. Am I sometimes sad that I haven't traveled and don't have my college degree behind me? For sure. But I couldn't imagine not having each of my kids, and each of them was created at a specific time and they wouldn't be exactly who they are had I not been pregnant with them when I was.
I love being a young mom. I was asked recently by a classmate of my son's if he was my brother! Bless her heart :) Now, as I strive to learn more about our world, other people, cultures, sub-cultures, etc., I am more mature and can take in things and experience things differently than I would have 10-12 years earlier. I am loving going to school, despite how hard it is sometimes going to school full time and having 4 kids who are busy. My professors are very understanding if my kids are sick, have programs, etc. They have instant respect for me that I am taking my education seriously. I also have more courage to humble myself and ask for help.
Way off task, I know. Mothering...it hasn't been easy, we've changed our approach to different situations, challenges and with different kids. It has been a learning process. But I don't know that I would have known exactly what to do in every situation had we waited.
I had my first baby at 25 and second at 28, almost 29. We *really* enjoyed our first 4.5 years of marriage getting to know each other, travel and just up and go with no kids. I highly recommend young married couples wait a little bit before introducing kids into the mix.
We wanted to wait 5 years after marriage to have our first, but God thought a little sooner was best, obviously :)
I'm an "older" first time mom-to-be ... at least in my thinking/Christian circles I have encountered. I'll be close to 27 when our baby is born, which looks like an old age to me.
However, I feel like my time in ministry kept me younger than I am. Does that make sense? My husband and I might be 26, but we don't have the house, or the big paying job. We gave up those for our time as missionaries, so in some ways I still feel like I'm that 22 year first hitting the world. And that's ok, because I loved my time in ministry. But it does hit my self-esteem some as I look at friends younger than me who are a wee bit more established than we are.
Post a Comment
I love hearing from you!
Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]
<< Home