Breastfeeding in Church

While on vacation this weekend, my family and I went to visit a church.  My husband had been there before and 'warned' me that it was full of young families with several children and that he noticed mothers didn't leave church to breastfeed their children.  He even told me of one lady that fed her baby right in the front row.

I couldn't imagine such a place because as much as I can remember, I'm not sure I've ever seen another woman feeding her baby in church.  Like, in the sanctuary, while church is taking place.  Most go to a mother's room or a church nursery, missing out on vital parts of fellowship and teaching.  If a woman wants to leave because the baby might be too distracted to nurse or maybe is a loud eater, that's fine by me.  What I don't like is the pressure to leave because you're doing something inappropriate, shameful and even a little bit dirty.   

In some places, I know it's taught and expected that a woman would leave and feed her child elsewhere. 

The church culture where I live is conservative in this arena.  But these thoughts aren't just from churches, but an echo of our society.  When around other friends and family members who are breastfeeding, most bring pumped milk, formula or leave the room to feed their babies.  

But I don't leave; I think I've breastfed my kids in pretty much every place imaginable.  And I get raised eyebrows, but I'm not bothered by that.  When my baby needs to eat, I feed him...and I say that not out of pride and vindication, as in, "Watch me whip out my boob and feed my baby!  Mwahahaha!  Oh, did I just spray some breast milk in your coffee?  Sorry!  Too bad for YOU!" but in a spirit of, "This is normal.  And in order to encourage women to breastfeed and normalize nursing, I will feed my baby here."

I've even heard stories of women being kicked out of their churches for breastfeeding in church.  Some receive letters from their elder board, some are invited to conversations with their pastors and asked to refrain or leave and I've even heard of one story where the lady was 'called out' in church. 

It makes me sad that some people of God don't encourage a mother to feed her child.  When able, God has given women a remarkable gift, nothing that should be shamed, but instead embraced.  It truly is a miracle and something that is honorable.  It is also a representation of how God has cared and nursed His people. (Isaiah 66 is perhaps the most compelling.) 

The Church should be the first place that exalts and makes room for a mother to do one of her jobs.  

I'm not talking exalt, as in, party, streamers, parade or disco ball.   Nothing like a Mardi Gras-inspired fete.  I'm talking about skipping the shame and welcoming all family members to worship -- not condemning two of them to a metal folding chair in a stinky bathroom or poorly-heated lonely room with pastel colored wallpaper circa 1991.

So, while a guest at this church over the weekend, my son needed to eat (and nap), so I started breastfeeding.  And for goodness' sake, we were on couches, so that made it really easy to feed the babe!  As I could see many other mothers all around me, I noticed others discreetly feeding their babies throughout the service -- during communion, worship, and the sermon. And no one batted an eye. 

It was wonderful.

Our church is awesome and I've never had anyone specifically ask me, but I'm maybe some in our congregation have wondered why I don't leave the room when I breastfeed my kids.  I get done leading worship and I breastfeed Mylo, while my husband starts the sermon.  No big deal.  There's a lot of answers (some displayed above), but mostly, I know that I have young eyes watching me all the time.  And I hope I can inspire some of them and encourage them that's it's normal, even in church, to take care of the needs of your children.  :)

We, as the people of God, should be leading our culture with this message; breastfeeding is normal, natural, acceptable and a gift from God.

Church

5 Question Friday! 10/26/12

Hey, hey, it's Friday!  I'm sitting down to feed the baby and I figured it'd be a great opportunity to one-hand type all my answers!  Be sure to link up at My Little Life if you want to participate!

1. Who wakes up in the morning with the kids, you or hubby?
I do.  My husband gets up at 6am and leaves for work shortly thereafter.  Not a chance the kiddos are getting up that early!  They like to sleep in until at least 8am. And Mama doesn't mind that at all! ;)

2. Do you watch the World Series even if your team isn't in it?
We are Yankees fans in this house, so of course, we're bummed at their less-than-stellar performance this postseason.  That aside, we do put the games on,  but I don't pay too close of attention.

3. What is the best compliment you have received?
Thinking back, I've received some really great compliments - some related to my physical body, some to my character, and some related to talents.  I guess one of the best compliments I received was from this guy who reviews music for a popular magazine.  He interviews musicians and also writes articles on new songs and albums, etc.  Anyways, he heard me sing a song (a little nerve-wrecking singing in front of him once I knew that's what he did for a living - yikes!) and later told me that I "knocked that song out of the park" and sang it "as well or better" than the original recording artist.  Pretty cool.  You could say I smiled for a few days after that! :D

4. Do/did you dress up to take your kids trick or treating?

First off, I don't think ANY of us are getting dressed up this year.  Long story, but in short, I had a lion costume for Mylo, a tiger costume for India, Dallas was going to be a bear and I was going to hold a sign that said 'Oh my!'  You know, "Lions and tigers and bears, oh my!"  But, Dallas has to work, so he won't be around and I don't feel like taking two tired kiddos, both overstimulated, one jacked up on sugar out in their costumes, dealing with car seats and cold MN weather all by myself.  Call me a party pooper, but thankfully, my kids are too young to even notice or care.  I would love to REALLY dress up but I can't justify spending more than $10 on my costume. 

5. Do you have a favorite bible verse? What is it and why?

Only one?? Oy, this is tough.  I really like Philippians 4:6 (NLT), which says,  "Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done."  I also enjoy Psalm 1 and the traditional Psalm 23 and Psalm 45:11.  I *think* my favorite verse of all (I think) is 1 Corinthians 13:1-8, paraphrased as "Love always wins"! 

Two accidents in one week? Yep.

In the last week, we've been in two car accidents.   I was rear-ended last week and four days later, my husband was driving my car and was t-boned.  Car totaled.  Husband was OK, miraculously!  It's quite weird, I've only been in one other accident my entire life, my car was backed into at a stop sign (yes, the guy was backing up at a stop sign), so to be dealing with two accidents, one of them severe, in one week has been quite tiring. 

The funny thing is, we sold my husband's car last week, in anticipation of buying me a van this week.  Ya know, I kind of need a Mom-mobile.  When I got rear-ended, with India in the car and pregnant with our second baby, we were very grateful I had nothing more than a sore neck and headache.  We were also proud that our little Honda Fit got scuffed up a little bit, when the truck that hit me got his front bumper pushed in.  Thankfully, our car was fine and drivable, so our plan of having one car over the weekend until we could buy a van was unscathed. 

Unfortunately, that little car just wasn't meant to live.  Dallas was t-boned on Monday.  In some crazy act, he CALLED me while being told not to move.  The first thing I hear on the phone is people yelling and talking and then my husband saying something about "some blood from his head, maybe it's just his ear".  He then tells me he wasn't going to make it home in time to watch India while I taught piano lessons because he was in an accident.  I was quite unnerved, but I figured it couldn't have been that bad because he called me.  An officer called a bit later and clarified some things.  He told me a Suburban hit our little Honda Fit.  Ouch.  My husband was taken by ambulance to the hospital and the officer told me where the car was towed to.

The whole thought of "oh crap, that was our only vehicle" hadn't even crossed my mind until Dallas called me after a while and needed to get home from the hospital.  (Remember, we sold Dallas' car, getting ready to buy me a van?)

Oh.  Now what?  I was carless and couldn't go pick him up.  My poor husband, who was brought to the emergency room in an ambulance, walked home in the freezing, windy weather from the hospital.  I felt horrible, but I was helpless.

The thought of how severe the accident was didn't cross my mind until my husband came home and I saw the look on his face and heard the details of it all - or what he could remember.  We thanked God he had minimal injuries and that India and/or I weren't with, because the outcome would not have been good. 

RIP little Honda Fit!  You were a great car! 

Life is good, we're thankful that we're alive and healthy - all four of us!

Now begins the search for a new van AND a new car!

Have you ever been in an accident? 

 

Life is Fragile and Everyday is a Gift

While at times I have understood the phrase "life is fragile and everyday is a gift", lately I haven't been looking at things in that perspective.  I've felt like more of a burden, and I'm tired and haven't been feeling well.  I've felt overwhelmed with all that needs to be done and find myself frustrated.  Poor me, poor me.

On top of that, two dear friends had just announced miscarriages, I was feeling their grief.  Life is fragile.

Sometimes you just need to get away.  After just feeling kind of down and sick of life as we know it, we made a last minute decision to join my family on a little getaway last weekend. 

The first night was just Dallas, India and myself in Cockroach Motel.  Really.  It was.  We planned on just pretty much sleeping there for the night, you know, to limit our bed bug exposure, but I was too sick to do much but lay in bed.  Maybe God's plan was to begin our Sabbath spending hours relaxing in an unknown bed while an 18-month-old used me as her personal gymnastics mat.  We still got to eat at our favorite Thai and Indian restaurants and of course, had to stop at IKEA.  The opportunity to just chill without ministry demands was a blessing. 

India loved that she could press all the TV buttons at Cockroach Motel.  She also loved that she was nekkid.

After that, we joined my parents and my sister and her family in southern Minnesota at a VERY different hotel!  My Dad made sure we all had suites for our families and I swear, some of our family's suites might have been bigger than our house!  Quite the upgrade from VD Motel.  After one day of being away, we were feeling better about life.
 

India and cousin, Xiomara, decided they wanted to play chess.

The kiddie pool here was great, perfect for littles with little fountains and a walk-in.  Best part of all, we were pretty much the only ones in the pools or hot tub! 

India.  Probably bossing someone around.

 
But this getaway wasn't just to get me out of my selfish, little world.  We celebrated Christmas with my Grandma. 

My Grandma, Josephine, India Josephine's namesake and my Dad

This was the first time I've been back to my Grandma's town since my Grandpa's funeral.  It brought back a lot of emotions.  Barely a year earlier, my Grandpa was alive and on the very streets we were on.  He was alive at the house my Grandma now lives in, alone.  I didn't expect to be hit with the reality of how fragile life is.  Sure, my Grandpa was older, but his death was unexpected.  Just one year later, we watch my Grandma come into the hotel alone, without my Grandpa.  Yes, life is fragile and every day is a gift. 

We also went to a benefit fundraiser for my second cousin and her husband.  They were both seriously injured in a motorcycle accident this fall.  Not only are they living miracles, they have both made amazing efforts to walk, move and do daily tasks.  I've never seen SO many people at a benefit.  Just a few months ago, they were working, taking care of their three girls and living life.  One accident has changed the course of their life.  Life is fragile and every day is a gift. 

This weekend was good for some time away.  Some time that was much needed to focus on our families and step back and realize how grateful we are for everything in our lives.  It was a time to see beyond ourselves, to love more, to pray for others, and realize life is fragile and every day is a gift.

As an old high school friend's 3-year-old boy was just diagnosed with stage 4cancer yesterday, this week's lessons that have been taught to me are fresh in my mind.  Enjoy time loving and caring for others.  Take time for refreshing. 

And be grateful for every day, because life is fragile and every day is a gift.

What it's like to have adopted siblings

I'm the oldest of 13 children.

Yes, 13.

We're not all blood-related, but we are siblings, whose love runs deep.  I've been asked a lot to share what it's like to have so many siblings, and so many siblings who are adopted.  In real life, I talk about my family all the time, but I guess it's so every day to me, that I haven't addressed it on my blog much.  But November is also National Adoption Month, so this is a perfect time to talk about adoption and my life.

Like I said, not only have my parents adopted, but my sister has also adopted as well. 

In certain areas of the United States, adoption may seem to be the trendy, happening thing.  Countless families that I know have signed up to add children to their families that don't share the same DNA as them.  It's a wonderful thing, not without its struggles or controversies, but full of blessings as well.

I grew up with one biological sister.  Vacations, private school, social events, going out to eat; a comfortable life.   When I was 20 years old and my younger sister had just graduated high school at 18, my parents adopted a sibling set of three sisters. 

My parents gave up the next-to-retirement life, to love and care for three beautiful girls.  My husband and I helped out taking my little sisters on dates, having sleepovers, and going shopping.  Within months, life became normal for me as I accepted that I now had four sisters.

A couple of years later, my parents, who realized they were in this for the long haul and had the means and love in their hearts, found room for another sibling set of six.  Two boys and four girls. 

Overnight, our family more than doubled.  Dallas and I were doing mission work at this time, so we only got to meet 'the new kids' on a trip home, but from what I've heard, this was a pretty chaotic time! 

Things slowly settled and life took a new groove for my family.  Grocery shopping now meant my Mom had to bring 9 kids, 8 of them under the age of 8, into the store with her.  It meant a new vehicle, with a special seat installed so everyone could fit.  Everything was done in mass quantities.  Trips to Sam's Club meant a trailer was pulled so they could fit everything in it.

What was weird to everyone else, became natural to them. 

A few years after that, my husband and I moved back to our home state of Minnesota and I felt that I was supposed to serve alongside my Mom, as she was busy homeschooling all the kids, cleaning house, making meals and juggling appointments and activities for the nine kids still at home.  My time working at my parent's house was amazing!  Not without its hair-pulling moments, but it was great to get to know my newest siblings.

Just when we all (and my parents as well) thought their family was complete, they began the adoption porcess again.  This path led them to two biological sisters who soon joined our family, making the number of children in my parent's brood grow to a baker's dozen. 

People ask me what it's like to have such an age gap between me, the oldest at 30, and my sister, the youngest at six.  I guess it's not too weird now because I'm used to it.  While I am their older sister, I did spend a lot of time working for my parents so my siblings know they must also respect and listen to me.  In that way, I'm kind of maybe looked at as a really close aunt.  With that, I'm highly protective of them.

Another question I've been asked is if I feel like they are my siblings and am I close to them.  Some would take offense to this question, but it's a logical question.  Yes, they are my siblings through and through.  I would do anything for them.  I CANNOT IMAGINE MY LIFE WITHOUT THEM!  Seriously.  I can barely remember what it was like with just one biological sister.  It seems like another life, another family, another person.  I can barely remember what it was like without the youngest two girls that joined our family about 18 months ago!   Sure, I am closer to my biological sister, but that's because we are not only experiencing the same things in life right now (marriage, family, age), but we've also spent years developing our relationship. 

Sometimes I see my friends out with their moms, getting massages or having lunch or shopping for clothes for their kids, and I get a little sad because my mom and I can't do that.   My mom can't just come to my house and watch my baby.  We can't just meet at Target and browse the aisles together.  We can't go on a cruise with my parents.  I can't always call my Mom whenever I want and chat for hours, because my younger sibling's attention span wouldn't last for more than 5 minutes. I can't have those "normal" things with my parents. But I'm not sad about it; its just how it is.

So yes, I don't get all the things that some of my friends get with their moms, but my friends don't get 12 brothers and sisters, of all races, size, age and personality to call their siblings.  No one else has sisters with the nicknames of Nena, Pita Pumpkin, MarMar, Maymer, Beaner, Squishy or Breahna-Jahna.  No one else has 10 kids race to their car when they arrive at their parents house, give you a huge hug and beg to take their daughter out of her car seat. 

No one else gets to watch 11 lives, all broken and hurt, be transformed and nourished in a Forever Family. 

I'll give up lunch dates and mindless house decorating talk and wasted monies spent on vacations with my parents for just a day where "these kids", my siblings, are safe, loved and taken care of.

Have you considered adoption?  Do you have any other questions for me?

I Return Every Gift I Receive

 source: shrscs.net

I turned 30 years old this weekend.  Kind of weird, because I remember my parents turning 30!  I don't feel 30 and the kids in our youth group about lost it when they heard I was going to be 30.  They guessed I was 24 or 26.  I made Dallas pause youth group then I told them they were all my best friends for life.  :-)

Moving on.... 

Dallas has a birthday surprise planned for me this week.  He refuses to tell me much about it.  It's not because he has to surprise me, it's because I normally say a big 'heck no' whenever he mentions getting me a gift.  All that I know is we're going away (I cried when he told me because I'm not ready to leave India again, but I got over it real fast) and I'm super excited and super nervous.

Why?

I don't want him spending lots of money on me. 

It's frivolous, ridiculous, unnecessary and our money should go a million other places before it's spent on me.  Besides, I've done and been a part of a lot of really amazing things in my life so I don't need any more cool things.

But he insists that we are doing this. 

I'm notorious for returning every gift I receive.  It's not that I'm not grateful, but I'm super practical, cheap and get easily convicted.  For Mother's Day this year, Dallas (bless his sweet heart) bought me an iPad and I fought with him for days to return it.  I didn't need it and there's no way I could justify spending that much money on myself! 

I finally won out and he returned it. 

I felt kind of bad, like maybe he felt I was rejecting him, but I just can't justify it. 

That's just one of many stories.  Poor guy.  He should know because I'm the girl who has never bought a kitchen table, a bed or spent more than $50 on a used couch from Goodwill.  Nearly everything I have is second hand and I don't mind a bit.

I just have such a hard time justifying new things when what I have is fine or I can find a secondhand replacement.  No judgment, as I have friends whose husbands buy them fancy jewelry, iPads, kitchen appliances, vacations and more for gifts, but I.just.cannot.do.it.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not Mother Teresa, I'm materialistic and covetous, and I still make purchases that seem pointless.  But I struggle with the lines of necessary, a blessing and frivolous....like these $35 boots that literally took me two years to buy and I still bought half of them with a gift card.  I struggled with that purchase.

I enter this week knowing that my husband is spending money on me.  I'm uneasy but yet so grateful that I have a husband who loves me and wants to do something extraordinary for me.  I guess this is a time for me to sit back, be blessed and enjoy.  After all, this is the first time in 10 years I've let him do anything like this and this is one gift, I can't return.

Do you and your spouse exchange gifts?  Does anyone else out there ever struggle with feeling like they have 'too much'?

Do you know you're prayed for?

I bet you didn't know that I pray for you.  I have hundreds of readers from all over the world, and I don't know most of you, but I pray that all who read my blog would be encouraged, uplifted, challenged and know they are loved and important. 

But sometimes, as I'm led, I do pray specific prayers for you.  Yes, YOU.  The one behind the screen of their desktop, with kid's snotty fingerprints all over it, the one I don't know. 

You.

The one with the back problems, or the chronic fatigue syndrome.  I pray for you, the one who feels guilt or a parenting decision and you, the one who feels bad about yelling at her kids today. 

I pray for you, the one who just lost her job and wonders how she will make rent.  I pray for you, who wonders if you even have enough gas money to get you to school.

I pray for the one who can't stop crying because something hurts and the one who can't stop smiling, trying to hide that everything hurts.

I think and pray for you the one whose fears and anxieties control every aspect of your life.  I pray for you who can't muster up the courage to pursue your dream.

You.

I'm praying for you, the one who just found out her parent has cancer and you, the one whose husband just said he's addicted to porn. 

The one whose child is not progressing as they should and the one whose child is spewing hate towards you.  I pray for you whose child is no longer earthside.  I pray for you as you make difficult parenting decisions regarding your teenager.  I pray for you who longs for a child to hold.

I pray for you, the one who feels ugly all the time, the one who hates her forehead and the one who believes her life isn't worthwhile unless she can fit into 'that dress' and get rid of 'those hips'. 

I pray for you as your grapple with the aftermath of abuse.  I pray for you, the one whose life is riddled with anger, yelling, raised voices and violence. 

I pray for the one who greets her husband with a torrent of critical words every night and the one who sends arrows of jealousy as you look in envy at your neighbor's perfect life.

You.

To you who thinks God hates you, He's distant, He's forgotten you; I pray for you.

I pray for you, who still feels the pang of your abortion, you who drowns in the guilt of the secet affair you had, and I pray for you who holds a dark secret that you just can't bring to light.

I pray for you whose husband who ignores you with a busy work schedule.  And you, the one with no husband at all.  I pray for you, with the husband on the couch, uninvolved.

I pray for you as your husband criticizes your cooking, your cleaning, your mothering skills and critques your physical body.  I pray for you, the one who is sure she's 'fallen out of love with her husband' and found her true love instead.

I pray for the one who looks like she has all her shit together, but really masks the pain with an addiction.  And you who contemplates if life is worthwhile.

You.

I pray for you who is overcome with depression and you, the one who feels worthless and you, the one who wonders just exactly how you will end your own life. 

I pray for you who lurks in the shadows of shame, you who hides behind the mask of pretension and you who covers her eyes and wishes the pain to go away.

I don't pray for you because I think I'm better than you.
I don't pray for you because I know the right answer.
I don't pray for you because my life is peachy.

I pray for you because I care about you, love you and want the best for your life.  I pray for you because I've been there.  Because I AM THERE.
 
So, from ME, the one who doesn't know you, the one who doesn't have it all together and has dealt with many of the above issues....and ME, the one who doesn't know how and why prayer works, but knows that God loves you and cares for you and has the best plans for your life....I'm praying for YOU! 

And I mean that.

Photo courtesy of thereformation.net

'Twas the morning of surgery...

I'm waiting at a hospital right now for my husband to come out of surgery.  Life has been a bit of a whirlwind the last week or so.

The day before our 10th wedding anniversary, Dallas called me to tell be that it was quite possible that he had tore his Achilles tendon playing basketball and I needed to come and pick him up. 

The ER doctor finally saw him and said it was most likely a sprain or a torn ligament.  Dallas knew better and all his symptoms were indicative of an Achilles injury.  I did a quick Google search about "how to tell if you ruptured your Achilles", which led to a simple video detailing the simple Simmonds' or Thompson test - which was clearly positive.  And also the fact that his Achilles was no longer prominent, when his other one was quite visible, left us scratching our heads as to why this doctor didn't think it was the Achilles. 

The next day, our 10 year wedding anniversary, we had a trip planned to leave our daughter for a couple of days, and celebrate in Minneapolis (I might blog more about my experience of leaving India behind later).  Even with this foot the way it was, we left with crutches, pain meds and ice packs. 

We had a great time, my gimpy boy and I! 

When we got home we spent the next 24 hours dealing with a sad little girl, who definitely let us know she did NOT appreciate us leaving! 

Dallas had an appointment planned in a nearby city for a second opinion and as it turned out his Achilles was ruptured and they planned surgery for first thing the next morning. 

Which would be today.  Right now.  As I write this, he is nearing the end of his surgery. 

I don't know about you, but hospitals can be quite depressing.  As I've been watching people come and go all morning, many have looks of worry.  Some people look fine.  Some people don't look too good at all.  You can tell some have spent so many hours in the sterile chamber and they don't have much life left. 

Dallas and I have spent the last week being grateful for his legs that work.  After using a wheelchair to get around in some malls on our getaway, our eyes were opened to a whole new world.  We've also been thankful that we have health care and several options for care.  Lastly, we've spent more time being aware of those hurting and dealing with physical ailments around us. 

Just a little Achilles injury.  Just a little wake up call.

In our town, there have been a couple car accidents that have severely injured many young people and have even claimed the life of one young girl.  I can't imagine what their families are dealing with, day in and day out, waiting for the slightest sign of improvement.  Waiting and wanting to hug their loved one, free of tubes. 

While I think and pray for my husband as he is in surgery right now, my heart is full of compassion and sympathy and well wishes for those around me who are hurting and restricted within these walls daily. 

Has there every been a time when you've been particularly thankful for your health? 

I take her for granted

A couple I know lost their precious baby boy this week.  Devastating. 

My heart aches and breaks every time I hear these stories no matter if it's a good friend or someone I've never seen because it would be one of the most crushing circumstances that we can imagine as mothers. 

So, I cry and I hold my baby close, smell her head, kiss her a million times, apologize a billion times and ask God to help me remember what a blessing she is.  And I pray for those who are hurting because of such a traumatic loss.

It's easy to take my daughter for granted in the routine or even difficult moments.  It's easy to yell at her, sigh as she ruins one more thing, lose my patience as she cries and whines at my feet, curse under my breath as she arches her back in a tantrum, and ignore her when 'I have things to do'. 

I have many friends who have lost children and would love to have even a few hair-pulling moments with their child right now....if that meant having a few more minutes with their precious baby.  I don't want to forget what a gift she is, to thank God for this little person and be grateful for this beautiful piece of my husband and me.

I love.love.love....

-the sweet smell of my daughter's breath

-her little and big tooth bite

-when she pulls close to me and kisses me

-her chubby wrists

-the endless sounds, shreiks and shrills

-her signs, communicating her needs

-how she dances the instant music turns on

-her whisper voice

-her call for 'Mama' - "mamamamamamaaaa"

-the way she walks around the house, calling for me, not satisfied until she's right back at my side

-her smile when I hide my face

-her sleepy eyes while she breastsfeeds

-her smiles and giggles when she breastfeeds

-how she has been a little ham since forever

-the way she mimics everything I do

-when I whisper in her ear that there is nothing she could do to make me love her less and she giggles

-the way her lower lip quivers when she cries

-her excitement when Dada comes home

-the way she tucks her lip in

-how she opens her eyes wide and says 'Oh' as soon as she wakes up and many times thereafter

-her desire for comfort

-how she takes apart and climbs on everything

-how she MUST have a baby in her arms at all times

-how she signs 'baby'

-her inhale giggle

-the way she says and signs 'outside' - "ouss-ide"

-her smart mind

-the smell of her head, it's delicious

-her proud smile - big and cheesy

-how she MUST as 'was sat?' (what's that) a hundred times even when she knows full well exactly what it is

-the way she explores everything

-her wispy curls

-how she pats my back as we cuddle

-her tiny tears that take a lot of emotion in order to appear

-when her little hands find their way to my mouth

-her shreiks of glee as she is the center of attention

-bright blus eyes that love me

-when she wears tight shirt or pants and I can see every roll

-the way she makes friends with EVERYONE by yelling 'hi', flashing a big cheesy grin and waving

-when I ask her if she's Mama's baby and she shakes her head and says 'yah'

-the way she says goodbye to al her new friends by blowing kisses and waving 'bye'

-her nekkid body

-her big hugs

-the way she runs away from my laptop when she gets caught pounding on it

-how she thinks she's hilarious when she signs 'potty' and makes the SSSSSSSSSSSsssssss sounds

Every single minute of her life, this life, is a gift.

India trying to wear my flip flops. :)

I've Got Baby Fever!!

Look out, sweet husband, I've got a baaaaaddddddddddd fever of the baby sort.  I think it's best you not come home for a while because this could be contagious. ;-)

I was browsing pictures of India as a baby, looking at how tiny and squishy and soft and relatively still and semi-quiet and delicious smelling she was when my uterus starting crying like a hungry baby sparrow, "Give me another baby!  I'm emmmmppppty"!

While I told my womb to hush, I remembered that India is still many of those things, and I don't want to miss a moment with her right now, wishing for something more.  But at the very same time, I'm not ashamed to admit I've had moments of Baby Fever ever since India turned one. 

Before that, I was right in line with my husband, who wanted to wait until India was at least two before we even considered another child.

I find myself telling Dallas, "When we have our next baby..." or at a garage sale saying "I'm buying this for the next baby".  I'm sure he's getting sick of it.

I miss planning the logistics of a new child, reading birth books, rubbing and praying over my belly, cleaning every single thing the baby will touch like a germophobe, washing little baby clothes and diapers and being woke up in my sleep by little fluttery kicks.

I love and miss the little coos and the breastmilk drool and the little burps and the rooting and itty bitty clothes and the naps and the first smiles and, and, and, everything about having a little, new, fresh baby. 

For a moment, I even missed being pregnant.  That is saying a lot because pregnancy was not kind to me.  

I miss this.  I could just eat her right up!

But then I have moments where I'm a bit overwhelmed with the constant whining and yelling at me while she traipses after me and/or hangs on my leg at home.  And the embarrassing meltdowns in stores all because she can't hold the baby in the cart we just passed.

And I think, "Could I really handle another child?  What would I do with a baby while India screams bloody murder in Target because I won't let her out of the cart to terrorize another child in a cart?  And what if the new baby is crying too?  Will India finally learn not to be so dominating towards other children or would this baby suffer Shaken Baby Syndrome from India's aggressive behavior?  Can I really keep my calm while India tantrums because I told her 'no' for the 1000th time today and won't let her play trampoline or parachute with my laptop and the new baby screams to eat?  Could India handle sharing me with another sibling?  More like, could India handle sharing my boobs with another sibling?  Can I handle parenting India (who is very spirited) and not give the new baby Bouncy Seat Syndrome?  What if this baby is full of energy and opinions like India?  Can I keep my sanity?"

 But then, once the storm passes with a big hug and a million kisses and cuddles from my sweet girl or she does something adorable, like kiss the flowers and then feed them to her doll and while saying 'eat', I revert back to "You know, with the next baby, I want to try this...." and "What do you think of this name" and "I think India would be nice to a baby".

I know many of you have more than one child and it's a breeze for you.  Just humor me for a moment and think back to when you only had one kid.  Did you think about the same things?

No matter what, I know that God is good.  The deepest part of my being knows that.  He will not give me anything that I can't handle and when I'm tempted to respond with anger and rage, I know He provides a way for me to avert from sin.  I know He has the best plan for my life, my husband's life, and any of our offspring's life.  In Arabic, it's said Inshallah or if God wills it - meaning the ultimate of hope and trust for a possibly difficult endeavor.

Is it always this way? Once you've experienced pregnancy, will you always miss little, itty, bitty babies?   How far apart in age are your children and do you like their age difference?

My baby was diagnosed with lead poisoning

"I'm sorry to tell you this, but India's blood lead level test came back high."


The words of India's doctor on the other end of the phone pierced my heart.  I remained calm as he went through a list of questions as to how my daughter could have possibly got lead poisoning.

Do you have peeling paint or has she eaten paint chips?  Do you live near a gas station or highway or was your house previously a mechanic's shop?  Does she eat a lot of dirt?  Are there any toys she chews on that could be a problem?

No, no, no, and no.  Not that I know of. 

I was baffled, the doctor was baffled.  He ordered a venous re-test as soon as possible, citing that sometimes the heel stick can inaccurately measure blood lead levels.

His calm, gentle, reassuring but yet very concerned voice left me slightly unsettled, but still with peace.  I had NO IDEA what a BIG deal lead poisoning is.

We almost didn't get the lead test done.  At India's one year well child visit, her doctor had asked if we had had a lead test done yet.  No, we hadn't.  He said he's never really seen a problem with it, but the state likes all children to get them.  He ordered the lab and we waited and waited for her name to be called at the lab.

India started to get impatient, walking the hallways, and getting frustrated we weren't letting her roam free.

We considered just skipping the test since we assumed this would be fruitless and there was no possible way our daughter had any exposure to lead.  Was a lead test really necessary?

It was a few days later when I got the results of her lead test with that devastating phone call. 

As quickly as the phone call ended, I was online reading and devouring every bit of information about lead poisoning. 

For every 10 points of lead, a child loses 3 IQ points.
Lead levels take years to go down.
Sometimes it's impossible to find the source of lead.
Clean everything with rubber gloves and wet paper towels.
Lead takes 20 years to leave the bones.
Lead is particularly harmful in early childhood as brain development is at its peak.

I didn't know the accuracy of all that I read, but it was enough to make me not want to eat, sleep or do another stinking thing until I found the source. 

In between gathering information, I was using the lead test kits I bought from a store and testing everything.  Toys (I heard of several families that found some toys that were the SOURCE of their child's lead poisoning - eek!  All the more reason for me me to be a picky Mama when it comes to the toys India plays with), paint, door frames, electrical cords, windows - everything I could think of.

No matter what, from all I gathered from people's personal stories I was reading, this was a nightmare and was going to take years to lower her levels and we still ran the risk of delayed development, behavioral problems and even fertility issues.

Any level of lead in the blood isn't good, but if your levels get to 10, it's a red flag and measures must be taken.  Around 70 is where brain damage begins.

India's level came back at 35. Dangerous and alarming.

How could this happen to us?!? 

I have spent much time making sure India's environment is safe and the best for her.  She eats mostly organic and whole foods; nothing processed and no sugar.  I wean her from the pacifier instead of giving her antibiotics.  She wears cloth diapers, I don't clean with chemicals, we make sure she gets enough Vitamin D, omega-3s and healthy fats.  She doesn't have cheap toys (some people laugh at this one, but after this scare, limiting plastic toys has merit beyond just the dangers of BPA).   She's within a few feet of me for the majority of hours in a day.  We teach her American Sign Language and Chinese and limit the amount of TV she watches. I'm a car seat freak, making sure of every last detail for her safety.   Goodness, the child doesn't even drink anything but water and breast milk - not even watered down juice!

We sure had a bit of anxiety in the mean time.  There are a lot of 'what ifs' in this situation: what if she had lead poisoning and we skipped the test?  How much damage could be done before we noticed?  What if her blood lead levels continue to go up?  What is causing this?  How could have WE prevented this?
I started her on iron and calcium supplements and upped her Vitamin C intake.  I thoroughly washed every stinkin' toy, dusted every nook, swept 3x a day and washed my floors. 

For a few days, I was pretty down.  Who wants to hear such news about anyone, let alone their own child?  We prayed for our little girl, hugged and kissed her even more (I didn't think that was possible) and hoped for the best as we waited for the results to come back for her second, more accurate test.

To our complete and utter amazement, her next test came back fine!!!  I could hardly contain myself when my husband came home and I told him the good news: our Pookie was fine!  Thank you, Jesus!!!  

 **I know you just got good news, but keep reading, I have more to share!**

A lead test at one year of age is standard in many areas, but as I was talking to several other mommy friends that live all across the US, several hadn't had a lead test done on their children. 

Someone asked me if I would get the test all over again, in spite of the trauma it caused.  My answer is YES!  After learning the dangers of lead poisoning and reading of many 'healthy' families whose children came back with elevated blood lead levels, I was glad we did the test in spite of the stress. 

And if anything, it got my house really, really clean. :)

My happy, healthy girl!  No lead poisoning!!!

Now, time for my PSA:   I didn't know much about lead poisoning, and I'm guessing many reading this are in the same boat as me.  Unfortunately, lead poisoning is often bypassed (in the county I live in, only 12-18% of children are tested for lead), but over 310,000 American children have too much lead in their blood.  I would highly encourage a lead test for your child if they are under age 6, especially if you suspect lead in your home.   If you're pretty natural and medically hands-off like I am, this non-invasive test is worth it in my opinion.  Please share this information!

It may turn out to be nothing, but what if it's not?

Do you know of anyone who has had lead poisoning?  Did your children get their blood lead levels checked?

Sunshine 1st Birthday Party (pics and video)

What a day of celebration for our little girl!  After a long time of dreaming and planning and doing, the day to celebrate India's first year of life came!

But first, here is a picture of her last day as a technical baby!

And here she is on her actual birthday!

OK everyone, take me serious, because I am ONE!

We had a Sunshine Party last weekend in honor of our girl. 

Think: Mason jars, classy country, gentle yellow and white, fresh breeze, barbeque, lemonade, music, fresh blue water. 

Here were the invitations to her party!

We decorated and my Dad even turned on the fountains in the front of the house....

The entrance to the party

The Birthday Banner that took hours to make!

India, month by month!

Beautiful hydrangeas!

The sweet birthday girl was a bit overwhelmed with all the people and was pretty sober the whole party, but was very interested in someway, somehow, getting outside!

We not only celebrated her first birthday last weekend, but her Daddy led us all in dedicating her to the Lord.

Of course, since we knew I was pregnant, we've dedicated her to God, but it was great to do it corporately with our closest friends and family members!

For the dedication, everyone gathered, Dallas and I shared a little bit (and cried),and I played the piano and sang a song.

Then we all gathered around her and whoever wanted to was welcome to pray blessings over our little India girl. 

Her Daddy closed the prayer time.

We then went down to the beautiful lake for Barbeque and Sunshine Party! 

It was the perfect day for swimming!

For the 10 days previous to the party, the weather forecast was horrible, predicting rain, which isn't a great thing considering this was to be a Sunshine Party!  Thankfully, the weather completely changed course and we all had a great (but hot) party outside. 

We had some yummy snacks, while waiting for the Grillmaster!

Cold drinks on a HOT day!

Everyone had their own personalized Mason jar for drinks!

Then we ate, and celebrated with cupcakes!

The menu: brats, hamburger beans, chips and watermelon!

My homemade, slightly unstable cupcake stand. :)

Yellow cupcakes, with buttercream frosting and lemon curd filling!  YUM!

Then it was time for India to enjoy her first bites of cake (and sugar, really)! 

 Everyone gathered around to watch her delve into her cake....

But after one bite, she just thought it was more fun to throw pieces of fondant on the ground.  All the while, I'm going, "Child, it probably took me one hour just to roll that little piece of fondant out just right!"  Then she decided she didn't want the cake anywhere near her.  Next year, I'm not spending hours making her the perfect birthday cake.  She can just have a Twinkie.

Well, at least Dallas and I got to eat the cake in the days following the party.  Seriously, what kid doesn't like cake?  Probably the same kid who doesn't really like to eat more than a few bites of solid food.  My kid.

It was then time to open gifts!

She was very happy to get more Signing Time DVDs!



A cool money tree!  We're putting the money towards a wood play kitchen for her so she can cook with Mama!





Ultimately though, she was more interested in treating her cousin Xiomara as her doll.
 

Aren't they cute?  Her cousin Brooklynn was there as well, but I didn't get a good picture of the three of them! :(

It was a great few days to celebrate our baby.  The Sunshine Party was a perfect fit for our family and mostly, for India.  A lot of work, but worth it.  BUT, this will be the last party I throw for her of this magnitude.  


I think. ;)