I've Got Baby Fever!!

Look out, sweet husband, I've got a baaaaaddddddddddd fever of the baby sort.  I think it's best you not come home for a while because this could be contagious. ;-)

I was browsing pictures of India as a baby, looking at how tiny and squishy and soft and relatively still and semi-quiet and delicious smelling she was when my uterus starting crying like a hungry baby sparrow, "Give me another baby!  I'm emmmmppppty"!

While I told my womb to hush, I remembered that India is still many of those things, and I don't want to miss a moment with her right now, wishing for something more.  But at the very same time, I'm not ashamed to admit I've had moments of Baby Fever ever since India turned one. 

Before that, I was right in line with my husband, who wanted to wait until India was at least two before we even considered another child.

I find myself telling Dallas, "When we have our next baby..." or at a garage sale saying "I'm buying this for the next baby".  I'm sure he's getting sick of it.

I miss planning the logistics of a new child, reading birth books, rubbing and praying over my belly, cleaning every single thing the baby will touch like a germophobe, washing little baby clothes and diapers and being woke up in my sleep by little fluttery kicks.

I love and miss the little coos and the breastmilk drool and the little burps and the rooting and itty bitty clothes and the naps and the first smiles and, and, and, everything about having a little, new, fresh baby. 

For a moment, I even missed being pregnant.  That is saying a lot because pregnancy was not kind to me.  

I miss this.  I could just eat her right up!

But then I have moments where I'm a bit overwhelmed with the constant whining and yelling at me while she traipses after me and/or hangs on my leg at home.  And the embarrassing meltdowns in stores all because she can't hold the baby in the cart we just passed.

And I think, "Could I really handle another child?  What would I do with a baby while India screams bloody murder in Target because I won't let her out of the cart to terrorize another child in a cart?  And what if the new baby is crying too?  Will India finally learn not to be so dominating towards other children or would this baby suffer Shaken Baby Syndrome from India's aggressive behavior?  Can I really keep my calm while India tantrums because I told her 'no' for the 1000th time today and won't let her play trampoline or parachute with my laptop and the new baby screams to eat?  Could India handle sharing me with another sibling?  More like, could India handle sharing my boobs with another sibling?  Can I handle parenting India (who is very spirited) and not give the new baby Bouncy Seat Syndrome?  What if this baby is full of energy and opinions like India?  Can I keep my sanity?"

 But then, once the storm passes with a big hug and a million kisses and cuddles from my sweet girl or she does something adorable, like kiss the flowers and then feed them to her doll and while saying 'eat', I revert back to "You know, with the next baby, I want to try this...." and "What do you think of this name" and "I think India would be nice to a baby".

I know many of you have more than one child and it's a breeze for you.  Just humor me for a moment and think back to when you only had one kid.  Did you think about the same things?

No matter what, I know that God is good.  The deepest part of my being knows that.  He will not give me anything that I can't handle and when I'm tempted to respond with anger and rage, I know He provides a way for me to avert from sin.  I know He has the best plan for my life, my husband's life, and any of our offspring's life.  In Arabic, it's said Inshallah or if God wills it - meaning the ultimate of hope and trust for a possibly difficult endeavor.

Is it always this way? Once you've experienced pregnancy, will you always miss little, itty, bitty babies?   How far apart in age are your children and do you like their age difference?