Not-so-Wordless Wednesday: In Awe of Motherhood

To say life is sweet right now would be an understatement. Not sweet like Saaaaweeeeet, but sweet like gentle, pure, kind, gracious, agreeable. My daughter will be 4 months old in less than two weeks, and I have fully adjusted to the "new" normal. Besides my new saggy belly skin, everything else feels good, normal. India feels like she's been a part of our family forever.

I've been feeling this way for awhile, I probably could have written this two months ago, but yet every day I feel like I know her completely, but yet I learn something new. I get India. I know the tired cry, the hungry cry, the bored cry, the scared cry. I know when she is comfortable with someone, and when she isn't. I know when someone is overstimulating or annoying her before she even cries out. I know when she wants to eat, I know when she is finished. I know when she wants to face out, or when she wants to cuddle close. I know when she wants to sit in someone else's arms, I know when she wants to be readjusted in bed, I know when she wants to come back to my arms. I know when she wants out of all arms and just wants to chill. I know when she wants a toy, or when it's frustrating her. I know when she is really waking up from a nap, or if it's a false alarm. I know when she wants to stretch out on the floor, or when she wants to be held close. I know when she needs time and attention from me. I can see many emotions in her eyes, and even feel her emotions. Very rarely do I say, "I just don't know what you want!"

On days when I let her sit too long, let her crying escalate, or don't put her down to sleep when she's tired, it shows. I try meet my baby's needs and she is content. She understands when it's time to sleep and much to my disliking mostly prefers to go to sleep on her own or without me rocking her. My little girl, who used to have to be held while falling asleep, sometimes nursed to sleep and quite often held while sleeping, is growing up. I'm so so so so glad I took the advice of several wise people around me that told me to hold my baby all that I can, let her sleep in my arms, rock and nurse her to sleep - because soon it will change, those days will be done, and they will go too fast. They were right, it changed right before my eyes.

Maybe it's not that hard to understand. I'm sure other moms feel the same way? I guess I just thought this wouldn't happen until she was able to communicate more. Even still, it's a miracle to me. The other day, I was upset and India was just staring at me. Dallas said, "Honey, she can feel your frustration right now". I looked down and saw the look on India's confused face. I hadn't raised my voice or anything - she just knew.

She stares at me for hours everyday, loving almost every interaction I have with her. She is taking in all of me. Everything I do. She looks at me with full trust and vulnerability. She trusts me to feed her, love her, take care of her every need, teach her, comfort her, be present with her. I can see it in her eyes. And that's a sobering responsibility. I know I can't meet her every need, there will be times when I fail, and I already have and do. But I hope I am building a strong foundation of trust with me, her daddy, others who love her and that ultimately, she can see the love of God and know and trust Him as intimately as she knows and trusts me.

Renewed

Oh, my poor blog has been abandoned yet again! I'm so sorry Bloggie, and so sorry to my faithful few readers. I'm determined to be more dedicated. Until summer comes back. :)

Why haven't I blogged? Well, my husband, baby & I all boarded a plane for San Diego where we attended the National Youth Workers Convention. Our time at the convention was incredible! Some of the nation's leading youth speakers came and spoke. Great worship bands like Robbie Seay Band and Starfield led in worship and we spent a lot of time listening and processing all the information we tried to receive in about four days. We were challenged, refreshed, renewed, and spoken to. Sometimes, when you are in ministry, the best way to receive is to go away from your town and glean without all the pressures of the job following you. Thank you to all who prayed for us, encouraged us, and made it possible for us to go!

After San Diego, we roadtripped to my husband's aunt and uncle in Palm Springs and spent a couple of days strolling this beautiful town, talking about more ministry ideas we had, spending time with Dallas' aunt and uncle, and relaxing by their pool. After that we made our way to Las Vegas to again see more of Dallas' family. Most of our time in Vegas was spent with them, which was great! Dallas' uncle and aunt used to live in Denver when we lived in Colorado Springs, so quite often we would see eachother. It was so fun to spend time with them again! Also, I didn't know some of Dallas' aunts and uncles that well before the trip, but spending a few days with them was a great way to get to know each other. We also went down to the Strip and saw all the beautiful casinos, lights, and took in as much free entertainment as we could! We also saw the magnificent Hoover Dam!


We've been back for almost 2 weeks, but are still glowing from this time! India was a good little traveler, thank God! She doesn't do well in cars, which we knew because she never has, so that got a little frustrating. If parents are at their wits end with a crying child, many will pop them in the carseat and drive around for a bit until they calm down or fall asleep. NOT my little girl. You put her in the carseat, and she starts "talking back" pretty quick. She hates being alone (yes, two parents who love people had a daughter that loves people) and she hates not being able to see anything. If you would have passed us while we were driving around, quite often, you would have seen me manuveuring my way from the front seat to the back seat in our squishy little economy rental car, all to speak a few words of comfort to my baby girl. But she made up for it with her angelic behavior on both flights and her love, interest and smile for every person we met.

Overall, we came away from our trip realizing that as important as ministry is, we need to make sure we have family time - easier said than done, when your husband is a youth pastor, and when do most things happen with youth? After school. It's when they are wanting to chat on Facebook, when they send messages, when they have football games, when most youth events are. Many speakers spoke on protecting that sacred time, something that we need to work on. God also spoke to us overwhelmingly on love. It sounds so cliche, and sometimes we look down on and judge the "love messages" as elementary, but really, are any of us above being reminded of our loving, forgiving Father? I don't think so. And if we think we are, we have lost the beauty of the cross.