What it's like to have adopted siblings

I'm the oldest of 13 children.

Yes, 13.

We're not all blood-related, but we are siblings, whose love runs deep.  I've been asked a lot to share what it's like to have so many siblings, and so many siblings who are adopted.  In real life, I talk about my family all the time, but I guess it's so every day to me, that I haven't addressed it on my blog much.  But November is also National Adoption Month, so this is a perfect time to talk about adoption and my life.

Like I said, not only have my parents adopted, but my sister has also adopted as well. 

In certain areas of the United States, adoption may seem to be the trendy, happening thing.  Countless families that I know have signed up to add children to their families that don't share the same DNA as them.  It's a wonderful thing, not without its struggles or controversies, but full of blessings as well.

I grew up with one biological sister.  Vacations, private school, social events, going out to eat; a comfortable life.   When I was 20 years old and my younger sister had just graduated high school at 18, my parents adopted a sibling set of three sisters. 

My parents gave up the next-to-retirement life, to love and care for three beautiful girls.  My husband and I helped out taking my little sisters on dates, having sleepovers, and going shopping.  Within months, life became normal for me as I accepted that I now had four sisters.

A couple of years later, my parents, who realized they were in this for the long haul and had the means and love in their hearts, found room for another sibling set of six.  Two boys and four girls. 

Overnight, our family more than doubled.  Dallas and I were doing mission work at this time, so we only got to meet 'the new kids' on a trip home, but from what I've heard, this was a pretty chaotic time! 

Things slowly settled and life took a new groove for my family.  Grocery shopping now meant my Mom had to bring 9 kids, 8 of them under the age of 8, into the store with her.  It meant a new vehicle, with a special seat installed so everyone could fit.  Everything was done in mass quantities.  Trips to Sam's Club meant a trailer was pulled so they could fit everything in it.

What was weird to everyone else, became natural to them. 

A few years after that, my husband and I moved back to our home state of Minnesota and I felt that I was supposed to serve alongside my Mom, as she was busy homeschooling all the kids, cleaning house, making meals and juggling appointments and activities for the nine kids still at home.  My time working at my parent's house was amazing!  Not without its hair-pulling moments, but it was great to get to know my newest siblings.

Just when we all (and my parents as well) thought their family was complete, they began the adoption porcess again.  This path led them to two biological sisters who soon joined our family, making the number of children in my parent's brood grow to a baker's dozen. 

People ask me what it's like to have such an age gap between me, the oldest at 30, and my sister, the youngest at six.  I guess it's not too weird now because I'm used to it.  While I am their older sister, I did spend a lot of time working for my parents so my siblings know they must also respect and listen to me.  In that way, I'm kind of maybe looked at as a really close aunt.  With that, I'm highly protective of them.

Another question I've been asked is if I feel like they are my siblings and am I close to them.  Some would take offense to this question, but it's a logical question.  Yes, they are my siblings through and through.  I would do anything for them.  I CANNOT IMAGINE MY LIFE WITHOUT THEM!  Seriously.  I can barely remember what it was like with just one biological sister.  It seems like another life, another family, another person.  I can barely remember what it was like without the youngest two girls that joined our family about 18 months ago!   Sure, I am closer to my biological sister, but that's because we are not only experiencing the same things in life right now (marriage, family, age), but we've also spent years developing our relationship. 

Sometimes I see my friends out with their moms, getting massages or having lunch or shopping for clothes for their kids, and I get a little sad because my mom and I can't do that.   My mom can't just come to my house and watch my baby.  We can't just meet at Target and browse the aisles together.  We can't go on a cruise with my parents.  I can't always call my Mom whenever I want and chat for hours, because my younger sibling's attention span wouldn't last for more than 5 minutes. I can't have those "normal" things with my parents. But I'm not sad about it; its just how it is.

So yes, I don't get all the things that some of my friends get with their moms, but my friends don't get 12 brothers and sisters, of all races, size, age and personality to call their siblings.  No one else has sisters with the nicknames of Nena, Pita Pumpkin, MarMar, Maymer, Beaner, Squishy or Breahna-Jahna.  No one else has 10 kids race to their car when they arrive at their parents house, give you a huge hug and beg to take their daughter out of her car seat. 

No one else gets to watch 11 lives, all broken and hurt, be transformed and nourished in a Forever Family. 

I'll give up lunch dates and mindless house decorating talk and wasted monies spent on vacations with my parents for just a day where "these kids", my siblings, are safe, loved and taken care of.

Have you considered adoption?  Do you have any other questions for me?

Wordless Wednesday: 1 Sunday + 3 Grandmas = FUN

Day of my Birth

This weekend, I celebrated my 29th birthday. We spent the weekend in St. Cloud at a United Methodist youth convention. Dallas and the kids made me feel special with little notes and roses! But, as much fun as it is to spend the weekend with hundreds of Junior High students, Dallas does have plans to take me out soon!

I spent a good part of my birthday in a hotel room, by myself, while India napped. Or I fed her. Or I changed her. I did get out to enjoy some of the activities of the day, but I spent most of my day thinking not so much about my birthday, but about my actual day of birth.

I thought a lot about my Mom and how she chose life for me, how much pain she went through with me, and then how much joy she had when she finally held me. I also thought about my Dad, and tried to imagine what it must've felt like for him to have a little girl. I wondered if they could've ever guessed what I was going to be like, or if they knew at that moment how much I would change their lives. I thought a lot about life. About my life, and all the effort that so many people have spent on it. I even felt a bit of guilt and unworthiness at that thought. But mostly, I was overwhelmed with love at the thought of so many people investing in me, with no guarantee of a reward, or even a return. I've never spent my birthday thinking that way before. Perhaps it's because I've got a new perspective on birth and life since I had India.

As India went to bed on my birthday, I cuddled her, kissed her, and told her over and over again how much I love her, probably doing the exact same thing my Mom did with me for the very first time, 29 years ago.