My first nurse-in: Thank you, Target

About a month ago, a Texas mother of four, Heather, was shopping at Target with her sleeping infant and a cart full of items.  Her baby woke up, fussy, hungry and needed to eat.  Heather sat down on the floor, behind a jean display, found a remote area of the store by the women's fitting rooms, and fed her baby.  She was covered with a blanket, but that point is really immaterial because what happens next is where the problems lie.  She was confronted by two store employees and asked to face the wall or go in the dressing rooms.  What entailed was several more Target store employees making their dislikes known, despite Heather's legal right to feed her child there. Heather contacted Target's corporate office and got a similar response: they were aware of her legal rights, but still didn't want that happening in their stores and had set different policies in place.  

And so plans for the nationwide Target nurse-in began, which ended up being the largest collective gathering of its sort and has garnered much attention.  Target as a box store it carries tons of breastfeeding-friendly supplies, but it also has a bit of a history of unfriendly responses to breastfeeding mothers.  Target's breastfeeding policy is aware of the law and is somewhat welcoming of breastfeeding, but many of the employees haven't been made aware of this fact.

The intention of the nurse-in was to be peaceful -- nothing obscene or flamboyant.  I wouldn't have gone otherwise.  We were to go and browse, shop, eat and be natural - whether that meant feeding our babies or not.  No signs, no chants, no pow-wows.  Just a reminder, not only to Target, but to other moms that breastfeeding isn't obscene, but it's just something that has to happen sometimes.

I remember when India was young, and I'd so meticulously plan my shopping trips, trying to make sure she was fed and changed and quick! we were out the door hoping to make it through a store before she needed to eat again.  It was stressful and quite often I would end up staying home because I was worried about offending someone.  I know many moms worry about this and stay home.  Eventually, I gained more confidence and skill nursing in public.  In all the times I've nursed in stores, I don't think one person has ever noticed me doing it.  I normally nurse her in a carrier, and you can't tell what I'm doing.  Even while shopping with one of Dallas' friends one time, India needed to eat, so I fed her and he had no idea and we all talked and joked and laughed and walked around the store.  He just thought she was sleeping.   

Today was no different.  A few of us gathered at a Target cafe, got some food and drinks and chatted like old friends, even though we were strangers.  Occasionally a baby would get hungry, get fed and then, right back to normal life.  We did some shopping in the store, played with our kids, and talked about lots of things.  One thing we didn't talk about that much was breastfeeding!  Kind of funny being that we were at a nurse-in, but for us, it wasn't a big deal.  We weren't demanding anything and I don't think one person ever noticed any of us were breastfeeding. I'm all for breastfeeding, but I'm not one to get all protest-ey.  I swore I'd never do something like this, but this was too peaceful to pass up.

The majority of the time, I  publicly breastfeed covered because it works for us.  I prefer that people don't see much of my breasts, whether breastfeeding or cleavage - and I've been blessed with a baby who is fine with a cover (most aren't).  I don't care if you cover or not. 

Funny thing is, I've gotten some really nasty looks when I whip out my breastfeeding cover in public and don't have India in a carrier while she nurses.  Today, India cuddled with me on my lap and not a soul that walked by did a double take while I breastfed her without a cover.  It was a little experiment.  You couldn't see one centimeter of bare skin, so there was nothing to set off any 'alarm' and it just looked like I was rocking my baby.  I guarantee if I did that with a cover on, I would've got the stink eye and many double takes.  It's very interesting how that works!

The complainers on the other side voice concerns over women just "whipping it out" and they "don't want to see boob" or "there's a time and place for that; it's private".  I'm sorry, but if those are your strongest arguments, you need to put a blanket over your head, because breasts and cleavage are everywhere.   On billboards, ads, commercials, magazines YOU buy, tags from clothing YOU buy, movies YOU watch, TV shows YOU watch, YOUR home computer and visible on countless other people you encounter as you go about the course of your day.  While I was at Target, I saw a woman bend over with a low-cut shirt, which revealed more breast than any of us women had showed collectively.  A girl walked out of the store with butt-cheek shorts on (yes, in December!) and no one told her to cover up her booty and there was an appropriate time and place for that.  As I was checking out, I saw magazines with cleavage galore.  No one told them to put it away and "don't whip it out" and instead promoted their display of breasts and the sexual objectification of women by buying that magazine.  

I really don't mean to be crass or snarky, but some of those arguments are ridiculous. 

Of course, I respect people who are all or nothing, deciding that they don't want to see any breasts in any, way, shape or form.  Hopefully, they are diligently petitioning to rid stores of Cosmo, InTouch and Redbook magazines and confronting women who are scantily-clad and asking them to change.  I respect that with all of my heart, because that is conviction followed through, not just ranted about. 

But many of the complainers have found a spot to perch their butts on the hypocritical line between sexy-breasts-are-fine but breasts-for-feeding-are-gross.  If the issue is really that you don't want to see boobs, then follow that through in ALL areas, please.  But don't ever let me catch you showing a drop of cleavage.  :)  

Ultimately, you sometimes have to make the choice to turn your head and not look if something really bothers you that much.  Just like I do when someone is chomping their food in a restaurant or when I see more butt crack on the bleachers at a basketball game than the public toilet sees all night.

I half expected a nurse-in to be yelling and chanting and causing a ruckus in a store.  I don't think those types of nurse-ins do good for the cause of breastfeeding.  But this was exactly the opposite.  I loved that this nurse-in, which at the very last minute, a bunch of things lined up and made it possible for me to go, wasn't bombastic or slamming formula-feeding or even mad at Target. 

It was just a gentle, respectful reminder to all that breastfeeding is normal and way better than a screaming baby, any day! 

Nationwide Target Nurse-In

More blog posts from today's nurse-in and of a similar nature (feel free to link your post in the comments: 

Safiyyah
Sarah
Imperfect Mama 
Public breastfeeding needs respect
Breastfeeding in public IS offensive