My first nurse-in: Thank you, Target

About a month ago, a Texas mother of four, Heather, was shopping at Target with her sleeping infant and a cart full of items.  Her baby woke up, fussy, hungry and needed to eat.  Heather sat down on the floor, behind a jean display, found a remote area of the store by the women's fitting rooms, and fed her baby.  She was covered with a blanket, but that point is really immaterial because what happens next is where the problems lie.  She was confronted by two store employees and asked to face the wall or go in the dressing rooms.  What entailed was several more Target store employees making their dislikes known, despite Heather's legal right to feed her child there. Heather contacted Target's corporate office and got a similar response: they were aware of her legal rights, but still didn't want that happening in their stores and had set different policies in place.  

And so plans for the nationwide Target nurse-in began, which ended up being the largest collective gathering of its sort and has garnered much attention.  Target as a box store it carries tons of breastfeeding-friendly supplies, but it also has a bit of a history of unfriendly responses to breastfeeding mothers.  Target's breastfeeding policy is aware of the law and is somewhat welcoming of breastfeeding, but many of the employees haven't been made aware of this fact.

The intention of the nurse-in was to be peaceful -- nothing obscene or flamboyant.  I wouldn't have gone otherwise.  We were to go and browse, shop, eat and be natural - whether that meant feeding our babies or not.  No signs, no chants, no pow-wows.  Just a reminder, not only to Target, but to other moms that breastfeeding isn't obscene, but it's just something that has to happen sometimes.

I remember when India was young, and I'd so meticulously plan my shopping trips, trying to make sure she was fed and changed and quick! we were out the door hoping to make it through a store before she needed to eat again.  It was stressful and quite often I would end up staying home because I was worried about offending someone.  I know many moms worry about this and stay home.  Eventually, I gained more confidence and skill nursing in public.  In all the times I've nursed in stores, I don't think one person has ever noticed me doing it.  I normally nurse her in a carrier, and you can't tell what I'm doing.  Even while shopping with one of Dallas' friends one time, India needed to eat, so I fed her and he had no idea and we all talked and joked and laughed and walked around the store.  He just thought she was sleeping.   

Today was no different.  A few of us gathered at a Target cafe, got some food and drinks and chatted like old friends, even though we were strangers.  Occasionally a baby would get hungry, get fed and then, right back to normal life.  We did some shopping in the store, played with our kids, and talked about lots of things.  One thing we didn't talk about that much was breastfeeding!  Kind of funny being that we were at a nurse-in, but for us, it wasn't a big deal.  We weren't demanding anything and I don't think one person ever noticed any of us were breastfeeding. I'm all for breastfeeding, but I'm not one to get all protest-ey.  I swore I'd never do something like this, but this was too peaceful to pass up.

The majority of the time, I  publicly breastfeed covered because it works for us.  I prefer that people don't see much of my breasts, whether breastfeeding or cleavage - and I've been blessed with a baby who is fine with a cover (most aren't).  I don't care if you cover or not. 

Funny thing is, I've gotten some really nasty looks when I whip out my breastfeeding cover in public and don't have India in a carrier while she nurses.  Today, India cuddled with me on my lap and not a soul that walked by did a double take while I breastfed her without a cover.  It was a little experiment.  You couldn't see one centimeter of bare skin, so there was nothing to set off any 'alarm' and it just looked like I was rocking my baby.  I guarantee if I did that with a cover on, I would've got the stink eye and many double takes.  It's very interesting how that works!

The complainers on the other side voice concerns over women just "whipping it out" and they "don't want to see boob" or "there's a time and place for that; it's private".  I'm sorry, but if those are your strongest arguments, you need to put a blanket over your head, because breasts and cleavage are everywhere.   On billboards, ads, commercials, magazines YOU buy, tags from clothing YOU buy, movies YOU watch, TV shows YOU watch, YOUR home computer and visible on countless other people you encounter as you go about the course of your day.  While I was at Target, I saw a woman bend over with a low-cut shirt, which revealed more breast than any of us women had showed collectively.  A girl walked out of the store with butt-cheek shorts on (yes, in December!) and no one told her to cover up her booty and there was an appropriate time and place for that.  As I was checking out, I saw magazines with cleavage galore.  No one told them to put it away and "don't whip it out" and instead promoted their display of breasts and the sexual objectification of women by buying that magazine.  

I really don't mean to be crass or snarky, but some of those arguments are ridiculous. 

Of course, I respect people who are all or nothing, deciding that they don't want to see any breasts in any, way, shape or form.  Hopefully, they are diligently petitioning to rid stores of Cosmo, InTouch and Redbook magazines and confronting women who are scantily-clad and asking them to change.  I respect that with all of my heart, because that is conviction followed through, not just ranted about. 

But many of the complainers have found a spot to perch their butts on the hypocritical line between sexy-breasts-are-fine but breasts-for-feeding-are-gross.  If the issue is really that you don't want to see boobs, then follow that through in ALL areas, please.  But don't ever let me catch you showing a drop of cleavage.  :)  

Ultimately, you sometimes have to make the choice to turn your head and not look if something really bothers you that much.  Just like I do when someone is chomping their food in a restaurant or when I see more butt crack on the bleachers at a basketball game than the public toilet sees all night.

I half expected a nurse-in to be yelling and chanting and causing a ruckus in a store.  I don't think those types of nurse-ins do good for the cause of breastfeeding.  But this was exactly the opposite.  I loved that this nurse-in, which at the very last minute, a bunch of things lined up and made it possible for me to go, wasn't bombastic or slamming formula-feeding or even mad at Target. 

It was just a gentle, respectful reminder to all that breastfeeding is normal and way better than a screaming baby, any day! 

Nationwide Target Nurse-In

More blog posts from today's nurse-in and of a similar nature (feel free to link your post in the comments: 

Safiyyah
Sarah
Imperfect Mama 
Public breastfeeding needs respect
Breastfeeding in public IS offensive 

Weekend Reading: Stuff you don't want to miss! 9/2/11

I hope everyone has an enjoyable, safe and relaxing holiday weekend!  Here are some fun and interesting reads for you!


Of Interest:

Christie shares on why she doesn't spank her children.

Are breastfeeding mothers more aggressive than formula-feeding mothers?

Jamie asks: Who Told You?

3 high school boys flip a burning pickup truck to save a pregnant woman!  Amazing!

Elizabeth Esther throws out her $150 Citizens of Humanity Jeans, a COACH purse, and more.  Find out why.

Pantry Purge: The plan

I've decided to take the entire month of May and do a Pantry Purge.  Yes, the entire month of May. :) To go along with spring cleaning, I need to to use up some of the food in my pantry.  I have a huge pantry, which I'm very thankful for, but it's way too easy to accumulate too much in there and forget about it.  The following reasons are why I need to do this Pantry Purge:

• When I see things on sale, I buy them.
• I go grocery shopping whilst hungry and I buy too much.
• When I have really good intentions to cook, but go out to eat instead and I'm left with extra food.
• I buy things from the bulk bin, but don't use it all in the called for recipe.

The Pantry Purge Objective:

In order not to waste what I've been blessed with I want to use up as much of the stuff in my pantry and freezer as possible, and to buy as little as possible from the grocery store.  This is a way to be held accountable and eat the things I don't always feel like eating. I plan to save resources and money!

The Pantry Purge will take careful thought, sifting through my deep freeze, incorporating excess ingredients, trying new recipes, donating items we won't use and throwing out old or expired food.  Searching for creative recipes, not Facebook & blogging, ahem, will have to become a new online passtime.

I want to be clear though, I will not empty my entire pantry!  To give you a better idea of which foods we plan on consuming, I will explain how I classify my pantry into three different areas:

1. One time foods - Organic fruit snacks, chips, licorice, etc.  This is mostly junk food.  I don't buy it that often, but it's nice to have on hand for a craving or if I need to bring something to a friend's house.

2. Staples - I always like to have a decent amount of staples in my pantry, because like I said I don't grocery shop very often - a few jars of spaghetti, a several of pounds of butter & cheese, tortillas in the freezer, different pastas, flours, sugar, several cans of various beans, tomatoes (diced, paste and sauce), frozen meat, etc.  I buy a lot in bulk, and stockpile.

3. Excess - These are things (mostly staples) that I just have too much of (like 30+ cans of different beans), need to move them out of my pantry, stuff we'll never eat (Jell-o), or things that are going to expire (last summer's frozen zucchini).  These will either leave through donation or my kitchen table.  The excess items are what I will target through the Pantry Purge.

Excess items (to purge items are in bold):

Grains - Quinoa, Couscous, frozen tortillas (2/3), rice

Meat - Tilapia, half a fryer chicken, venison, 1 pound ground beef, frozen shrimp, a lot of canned tuna & salmon (some will be donated because my husband refuses to eat it), turkey sausage, chicken sausage (I had NO idea that I had that much meat - we don't eat meat that often, so I suppose I was saving it for 'special occasions').

Fruits and veggies - Frozen zucchini, frozen strawberries, beans (use 10-12 cans), frozen stir fry veggies, frozen basil

Miscellaneous - Coconut milk (5 cans?)

CRAP food - half a lump of Velveeta (I know, trashy, but it was imperative for one of my husband's recipes a ways back, I think it might end up in the trash, that stuff isn't good for anyone!), cake mix, CRACKERS (NINE unopened boxes!!!)...

These are just some of the items I have excess of!  The items that I have the most of are beans and crackers and meat (weird). I can tell you right now, crackers are an impulse buy while shopping when I'm hungry.  Obviously, I get home and eat, and don't want them any more. 

I don't plan on using up all of our beans, because Glenn Beck thinks it's the end of the world so I need to save them.  I joke, I joke!  For real though, I like to have 8-10 cans of various beans on hand because I LOVE LEGUMES!  I will keep a couple boxes on crackers on hand too.

So, what can I buy???

• Dairy products (milk, sour cream, whole milk yogurt and cream for cooking - because I'm a snob and want full fat - are the only things that I think we will *need*)
• Eggs
• Fresh fruits and vegetables (if I don't have them on hand, like onions and sweet potatoes and any that we need for our daughter)
• Food for others (I'm going to make a buttload of hummus for my nieces)

I'm undecided about going out to eat.  In our house, I run the kitchen, and what I make will be ate, but when it comes to eating out, my husband has a big say in that.  I highly doubt I could convince him to forgo eating out, but I am sure we will cut down and be more aware.  However, when traveling, we will eat out.

I will update my blog regularly with meals and I will also let you know what I have purchased.

Join me!

I would love for you to join me in this endeavor!  You don't have to follow my rules, you can make your own that work for you and your family!

1.  Post a link to your Pantry Purge blog posts, with a short description of your blog post.  It can be a recipe, a story of how you did the Pantry Purge, or before and after pics, whatever - I want to hear from you!  If you don't blog, just post a comment stating your intentions with the Pantry Purge.
2. Come back to this blog post and post additional comments with new and updated ideas.  Tell us how you are progressing, how much money you have saved, if you've failed at all, and again, share any helpful links!
3. I will try to link your blog post into other Pantry Purge posts.

Happy Pantry Purge, my friends, can't wait to get started on May 1st!

Why not donate formula to Japan?

In cases of natural disaster, it's always good to be generous and show compassion.  We should always be moved and willing to give whenever we see need.

As a mom, I immediately thought of the Japanese children's basic needs; food and shelter.  As we brainstorm how we can help, quite often, we reach the simple solution of donating formula.  However, until the Haiti earthquake, I never knew that donating formula would lead to greater issues, and just thought that I would be helping a baby eat.  That is not the case.
  

Sadly, we actually saw higher illness and infant mortality in Haiti and after the tsunami of 2004, because of infant formula donation and it was all in the right spirit of generosity.  We just gave the wrong thing.

This is not a breast vs. bottle debate.  Even breast milk donation is discouraged.  It goes much deeper than that, pricking the topic of clean water.  Read some of the articles and before you flame me, hear why formula donation, all done with the best intentions, can cause more harm than good.

Here is why we shouldn't donate formula during natural disasters:

- Read about the problem with formula donations for Haiti (if you read one article, read this one!)
- UNICEF talks of the damage of donated formula OR breast milk in a natural disaster
- More talk of why not, dealing with longer history
- The ILCA has issued a press release regarding the natural disaster in Japan
- ** Edited to add current article about Japan and breastmilk donation


Of course, for children who are displaced, ready-mixed formula is needed, but the widespread donation of formula can lead to negative repercussions for years to come. 

As we begin to donate and give, let's remember global health experts agree that we can donate other things besides infant formula to Japan.

Feed the mother, feed the child.

The lost is found

With all the bad news in the world, I want to share a good story.  These stories seem hard to come by, but quite often, I think our eyes aren't used to the good.  Or maybe we don't want it.  The dirt sells more.  We love to stick our noses in it. 

Even this blog post won't have as many views because it's a good story.

About a month ago, Dallas' grandparents were making their way back from their snowbird home in Arizona to celebrate their grandson's wedding in Minnesota. 

As they were making their way through security at the airport, Grandpa lost his wallet.  He left it in the tray, and in all the hubbub of body scans, pat downs and shoe removal, it was forgotten.  Grandpa gathered up all his stuff, went to the gate and then realized his wallet wasn't on his person.

A trip back to the security area, left Grandpa empty-handed.  His wallet was gone.  He lost all of his credit cards, personaly identification and $400 cash.  Bummer deal.

We all felt for Grandpa and Grandma as they shared their story at the wedding.  It's a pain to lose all that valuable information, especially when it's during a holiday (Thanksgiving) and you're very busy (grandson's wedding). 

They went back "home" to Arizona after the wedding, having canceled all cards that could possibly further compromise them.

Then the surprise of all surprises came.

 They received a phone call from someone saying they had Grandpa's wallet, and wanted to send it back, all under the condition of anonymity.  Grandpa was grateful that someone would even consider giving it back, and didn't ask many questions. 

He then told the man to take $200, half of the cash that was in his wallet as a reward for returning the wallet, and mostly as a thank you.

The man replied something along the line of, "As I was looking through your wallet, I saw that you were a veteran.  That is thanks enough". 

The man then sent the wallet back, anonymously, with every dollar still in it.

I don't know if this man had a change of heart and felt guilty, or if he just happened upon the wallet and didn't want to be wrongly accused if he returned it. 

It doesn't matter to me.  Of course, I would love to know, but the beauty in this is the unknown.  There is a lot less room for judgment that way.

Whatever the case may be, I'm still encouraged by this story.  It reminds me that it's never to late to do the right thing.