My 10 Rules of Facebook

1. Facebook is not Myspace.  In case you're still stuck in 2006, you don't have to 'pic comment 4 pic comment', have lots of friends you don't know or take lots of self-photos of yourself staring up into the camera with your doe eyes.


2. You don't have to 'Reply All' on messages.  No kidding, there was one chain message I happened to get accidently included in, and this sucker would not die, because all 756 people that were included in the message just had to "Reply All". 


3. Don't accept a friend request right away.  You won't look cool that way.  Let it sit for a day.  Or better yet, accumulate a couple new friend requests and respond to them at the same time.  You look way cool that way.


4. Stop making FB the place where you declare your love for your significant other.  It makes it really hard for us to believe (and also makes us roll our eyes and throw up in our mouths a bit) when you post updates like "Can't wait til my boo gets off work so we can make out on a bearskin rug in front of my fireplace".  And posting ridiculous love notes on each other's walls just makes us want to vomit too.  It makes us wonder why you are being so obnoxious and it REALLY makes us want to yell, in all uppercase, of course: GET A ROOM!  An occasional "I love you" or "Thanks for the flowers!" is acceptable.  It's just when one-third of your interaction on FB is with or about your significant other, and CHEESY well, you probably need some friends.


5. Grammar.  tH!s Izz N0tt apPROpri8Te gr@mMmma ~~3Va eVA ~neVa  N doNt 4gEt 2 uSee P3ruds  k thxxxxxx byee!!  Translation:  This is not appropriate grammar, ever, ever, NEVER!  And don't forget to use periods.  OK?  Thank you, goodbye.


6. Don't sync your Twitter and Facebook.  They are two separate entities for a reason.  They both serve a very different purpose.  There are great programs that allow for selective tweeting.


7. Status updates (several points) -

• Don't post a newb status update, which was really intended to be a comment (my FAVORITE) - "It was great seeing you John!  I'll be sure to tell Cy hello.  I hope Kathy's sinuses are draining and the infection is healing up.  Will I see you next week at Kristin's concert?"
• Don't blabber on about your significant other, see point #4.
• Don't give one update about 12 different topics.  We don't know which one to comment on or if it's OK to click 'like'. "Finally cleaned my house and made dinner.  On the way home from the grocery store, my van broke down, but that's OK because my uncle is a mechanic. Does anyone have any good movie suggestions?"
• Don't update too often. "Gosh, this toilet seat is cold."  "Has anyone seen my toothpaste?"  "What to wear, what to wear...."  "Oh shoot, I need to iron my shirt!"
• Skip the boring updates, "I burned my toast this morning" and the TMI ones "My new underwire bra is really poking into my left boob and I really want to scratch it".

8. I don't want to join your farm, city, mob or cult.  If I do, I know exactly where to look: your wall, because that's all it's full of. 


9. 'Fess up to your stalking.  Nothing annoys me more than when I'm talking to someone about something going on in my life and they let it slip that somehow they knew that information.  Quickly putting two and two together, I know they found out those details from Facebook and I wish they would just admit that's where they saw it, or they were stalking, or at least leave a comment.  Much respect to those who confess to stalking.  I have a few that I stalk, but I comment on their stuff to let them know I'm there.  No one wants a creeper.  And for goodness sake, STOP pretending that you "are hardly ever on Facebook"!  We ALL know you are!


10. Don't poke anyone.  Ever.  It's inappropriate and not Christian-like.

The end.  And yes, I am guilty of some (maybe all) of these offenses.