Things You Should NEVER Say to a Pregnant Woman

I wrote this right before I had India after some very emotional days, filled with comments from people that clearly frustrated me. I decided to post this because I know there are many pregnant women who want this information distributed to the masses like communist propaganda. I thought about trying to tame and clean this up, but decided against that, and will let you all have it nice and raw!

For those of you who have no tact; listen up. For those of you who can empathize; nod your head. Some pregnant woman may be more gracious than me, at least to your face, but I can pretty much guarantee you will be dubbed a complete a-hole by talking about any of these things.

WEIGHT - We all know that it's never OK to make a comment about a woman's weight. The only time it's kosher is if she has recently lost weight, and then it's OK to say something along the lines of "you are really looking nice" and end the sentence before you insert foot in mouth babbling about how big she was before. Very few men will ever trample on this sacred ground. And men and women alike, generally have enough sense about them not to talk about weight gain. Except for when you're pregnant. For some reason, being pregnant, gives them a license to immediately make a comment about your weight. "You're really filling out", "are you sure it's not twins?!?!", "eating for two", "you look like you're ready to pop!", "you are so huge/big/ginormous!" are all things you SHOULD NEVER SAY. EVER. NEVER! In fact, don't mention weight or size at all. We already feel like blimps, fumbling around, unable to touch our toes, or sit properly in a restaurant booth, we don't need any reminder from you. And don't ask me how much weight I've gained. If you volunteer your weight gain statistics to me, it doesn't mean I'm obligated to volunteer mine to you. I find most people who make comments about weight and/or size are generally bigger than me, and have weight to lose themselves, so maybe it's one of those I-feel-bad-about-myself-so-I'm-going-to-knock-you-down type of things?



PERSONAL INFORMATION- Believe it or not, I'm a very private person. The more I feel pushed into giving information, the more I retreat and submit vague information, or retort with a snarky response. So, it should be no surprise to you, when you come to me at 36 weeks pregnant and ask me if my cervix is dilated if I punch you in the face. :) No, I won't punch you, but I may ask you about your cervix, if that's OK. And if you don't have a cervix, you definitely should not be asking that question! Don't ask me about stretch marks, nipple secretions, mucus plug, and the like. Again, I will gladly ask you the question right back, and I doubt you want to talk about any of those things either. True? And stop telling me to have sex to induce labor, geesh.

LABOR STORIES - Save the horror stories, please. Yes, I've been told, watched videos, and read lots of books on what is about to happen to me. I don't need anymore negative reinforcements, I just want to be encouraged. It's one thing to share the reality of your traumatic birth story with me, and I'll be happy to hear it. It's another thing to go around fearmongering.

YOU'RE STILL PREGNANT?? - No. That's a basketball I shoved up my shirt because I want YOUR attention. Seriously? If you see me, and I still look like I've got a baby in there, and I'm not holding a baby in arms, it's safe to assume that, yes, I'm still pregnant. Do you really think I have that much control over the situation? DO you not have anything else to say? Better yet, do you really think your comment is going to somehow encourage me? Or maybe you will magically induce labor? Probably not. Most likely, I feel hot, fat, hormonal, miserable and achey and I'm completely uncomfortable with even more attention being drawn to me. Recently, someone made this comment to me, and before I could think about my response, I replied with "And you still have a big mouth?". If you are OK with getting a response like this, go ahead and ask this question.

OK, end of Genevieve's rant. For now. :)