Slow and Gracious

I'm realizing more and more about God's comapassionate father heart through my pregnancy, and I'm amazed at how He is slow and gracious with us, not giving us more than we can handle.

While 10 months of pregnancy seems long, can you imagine if humans had the gestational period of a rabbit, 30-some days? You find out you're pregnant at the beginning of the month, then you have not one, but 10 or so little ones at the end of the month! Whew! Instead, God has been gracious with us, and gives us just the right amount of time to prepare and go through all sorts of emotional seasons as we prepare for one new addition to our families. Well, most of the time only one. :)

The idea of feeding a baby, especially from what I hear and read about those first few weeks of continual feedings, can be quite overwhelming. But if your grocery bill took a massive jump by adding a 17 year old boy to your household, and not only that but needed meals and snacks made all the time, that would be a shock to the pocketbook and your time clock! Instead, God slowly grows that baby up, allowing you build and grow with them, adjusting and preparing for their future needs.

And changing poopy diapers could, and I'm sure at many times, will be challenging and gag-worthy. But imagine if a ten year old was plopped in your lap, reeking of crap, begging YOU to change her diaper. Pretty sure I'd drop her off at Salvation Army or Goodwill. Instead, you get an 8 pound chunk of love, complete with breastfed newborn baby poop, a lot lighter on the clean-up, smell and texture. Once again, God gently breaking us in to our new role.

What if after our babies were born, they transformed into rambunctious two-year olds? Begging for independence, beginning to sass back, displaying their acrobatic skills? I think of my friend who has said her little boy didn't stop moving and running around as soon as he could walk, and how tired she was. That, makes me not want kids. Honestly. Not that a two-year old isn't beautiful and unique, but I'm not ready for THAT. Yet. That is why God gives us infants first. Slightly easier to handle physically than a two-year old. God is gracious with us, giving us a newborn that demands attention 24 hours a day with their sleep-eat-poop schedule, versus starting us off with a two-year old that demands attention 16 hours a day with their sleep-eat-BIG poop-scream-giggle-run-eat-BIG poop-tantrum-run-fight sleep-sleep-play-eat-smear food in hair-bath-fight bedtime-sleep schedule.

The thought of parenting a newborn leaves me feeling like I'm drowning sometimes. Even though everyone says that there is nothing sweeter than a newborn baby, but I'm not there yet.

But, I always thought that pregnancy would be tough, and I wouldn't cope well with it, but here I am, working into my sixth month of pregnancy, and I've loved every minute of my pregnancy, even through about 19-20 weeks of sickness. He has prepared me to be able to handle pregnancy; He's given me the grace that I've needed to love and embrace this time. From the very moment I found out I was pregnant, my previously negative outlook on pregnancy, changed to a positive belief that God is doing something way bigger than me.

I know with all of my heart, that when the time comes, I will be ready for the newborn that wants to eat all the time, the toddler that has big poop and tantrums, and the 17 year old, that doubles our grocery bill.

He has shown me His gracious, compassionate Father heart, once again. He will not give me more than I can handle.