14 things you didn't know (or forgot) about the postpartum days

I've just finished my second round of postpartum days and there were so many things I forgot about.  The days after baby can leave a new mom or a veteran, feeling confused and sometimes even shocked!  This was my second vaginal birth but some of these will apply to c-section mamas too.  Read with caution, folks, I'm all-out honest in this one! 

1. Your tummy is going to look SO small after that baby comes out!  You will feel skinny and maybe even ready to show off a bit.  Yay you, you supermodel! And then, suddenly, it won't.  One day, you'll wake up and feel huge -- almost like you are pregnant.  You'll wonder when the pooch will disappear. (By the way, it takes a lot longer for the pooch to disappear after the second and subsequent pregnancies.) And what are you supposed to wear during these weeks (months)? No one knows! No one has a solution! You can't wear your regular clothes yet and your maternity clothes make you feel really shitty about your life accomplishments or lack thereof. Just know you're not alone, sister.  

Comparing my belly after baby #1 and baby #2, 2 weeks and 6 weeks postpartum. 

2. Speaking of tummies...yours will feel like a loaf of bread dough, sitting on the counter, waiting to rise.  Mushy, squishy, flubby and kind of dried out on the top.  You can shake it around and poke it if you'd like.  In fact, I recommend doing this as it is entertaining.  It's better to laugh than cry, right? 

3. Afterbirth pains are the B word.  These things surprised me after the birth of my first baby.  I remember having a room full of visitors and feeling like I was going to throw up as my uterus was contracting.  Second time around was MUCH worse, especially while nursing.  Oh my, these things hurt!  Some of them were as intense as my contractions towards the end of my labor!  I tried some natural remedies, which took the edge off and I took some Motrin, which made them slightly more tolerable.  My conclusion: they're just going to hurt like the bad mama jamas they are.  Try to remember that they are making your uterus smaller, which is a very, very good thing for many reasons.

4. And since we're getting personal here...you should just change your name to Body Fluid Leaker.  Because that's what it's going to feel like.  You go to the bathroom and leak.  Your baby cries and your boobs leak.  You don't have the right bread at home and you leak tears out of your eyeballs.  You get out of the shower and you don't what you should try to stop and clean up first:  the milk that is leaking everywhere or the blood leaking from your downstairs.  Decisions, decisions.

5. It takes a while to go to the bathroom after a vaginal delivery.  You've got to get the water in the peri bottle the correct temperature, get your ginormous size-of-Texas-pad ready, and make sure your pain relief measures (I use Earth Mama Angel Baby New Mama Bottom Balm- it is the absolute BEST!) are within reach.  Then you need to psych yourself up to pee, get the correct angle to spray (angle is everything) and pee at the same time.  And if you run out of water before you're done peeing? This is the worst. Now how to dry yourself after your personal bidet experience?  Do you use toilet paper and get toilet paper bits stuck to your lady parts?  Do you air dry?  Blow dry?  Just pull up your ginormous postpartum underwear?  That's all for you to figure out.

6. Shit hurts.  Pardon my language, but postpartum poop isn't always very fun.  End of story.  And if you have postpartum hemorrhoids, you need this essential oil - Cypress.  You can order it here from Young Living. I haven't been 'blessed' with hemorrhoids but I hear they are awful.

7. You may be really thirsty or really hungry or you may be neither or everything.  I'm always doggone thirsty in the postpartum days.  Food tastes icky to me and I spend the first few weeks gagging down my meals.

8. Modesty?  Ha!  Yeah, you forgot about that as soon as your first contraction started.  Don't worry, it will (most likely) come back to you at some point.

9. Lochia...you're not just going to bleed blood.  There's blood, tissue, mucus, other stuffs and clots.  And did I mention, other stuffs?  Because there is other stuffs. You may wonder what's going to come out of there next!  A rubber boot?  An old tire?  Sure!  And the clots... It's a little concerning if you don't remember passing clots or no one told you that you would pass clots, and some the size of what feels like a school bus. 

10. Your boobs are gonna hurt.  They might hurt when your baby latches, they might hurt 2 days into your breastfeeding journey, they might hurt when your milk comes in.  Or all of the above. Don't let that discourage you from breastfeeding, just flow with it (get it?) and get help from a lactation consultant. And your boobs are gonna get huge.  You will wonder how something fluid and dainty and so wonderful, like milk, can produce boulders. Who knew? Your boobs used to be so soft and cuddly and pillow-y and now they could be weapons.

11. You just might reach a new level of Craaaaaaaayyyy-zayyyyyy you didn't think was possible. These hormones are no joke. They are better than the best amusement park rollercoaster! I didn't know it was possible to say as many mean things AND loving things to my husband within a 3-minute period of time. And don't kid yourself; maybe you don't say them but we all sure as heck think them! 

12. You might suddenly get an urge to go on a run or rearrange your entire house or repaint your deck, because you feel so empowered that YOU just birthed a baby out of your vagina, but don't do those things.  Just rest.  Self (yes, I REALLY need to hear this), it's OK to rest.  You can run marathons later. OK? OK.

13. You will cry.  And cry.  And cry some more.  Your baby's umbilical stump fell off?  Waterworks, because before you know it, you'll be sending him off to college.  (You may even cry as you debate about throwing out the stump or saving it. Do whatever you want, no judgment here, mama.)  Your baby lets out the cutest little fart and your eyes leak tears because you didn't know anything, anything could be so gosh darn special!  Saw that new car commercial on TV, the one with the car veering effortlessly through the mountains?  Yep, crying, because you're nervous that maybe your baby might not pass his driver's test right away or he might go camping someday and encounter a wild bear or perhaps he'll become a firefighter, risking his life, fighting forest fires in those mountains that the car just drove by!  You will look at your husband and cry, because you can't believe you've been blessed like this.  (You may also tear up when you write a blog post and mention crying.)

14.  There is NOTHING that smells as good as your little baby.  Mmmm!  And there is no rush like nuzzling with your freshling and listening to their breath and watching their milk-drunk sleep smiles.  And their coos and hiccups will give you butterflies!  And I can't think of anything to be more proud of than the feeling of "He's mine -- I made him.  That's my son, I love him and he is worth every bit of this and more."