Rerun: Things you should never say to a pregnant woman
*I'm reposting this today because I've been busy getting ready for my daughter's first birthday party and haven't had much time to write. At this point I was so OVER being pregnant.*
I wrote this two days before I had India after some very emotional days, filled with comments from people that clearly frustrated me. I decided to post this because I know there are many pregnant women who want this information distributed to the masses like communist propaganda. I thought about trying to tame and clean this up, but decided against that, and will let you all have it nice and raw!
For those of you who are lacking some tact; listen up. For those of you who can empathize; nod your head.
Some pregnant woman may be more gracious than me, at least to your face, but I can pretty much guarantee you will be dubbed a complete a-hole by talking about any of these things. :)
1. WEIGHT -
We all know that it's never OK to make a comment about a woman's weight, right? The only time it's kosher is if a woman has recently lost weight, and then it's OK to say something along the lines of "You look great" and end the sentence before you insert foot in mouth babbling about how big she was before. Most men shouldn't ever trample on this sacred ground. Men and women alike, generally have enough sense about them not to talk about weight gain.
Except for when you're pregnant.
For some reason, being pregnant, some people feel as if they have a license to immediately make a comment about your weight. "You're really filling out", "Are you sure it's not twins?!?!", "Eating for two", "You look like you're ready to pop!", "You are so huge/big/ginormous (insert any adjective for large)" are all things you should NEVER SAY. EVER. NEVER! In fact, don't mention weight or size at all. We already feel like blimps, fumbling around, unable to touch our toes, or sit properly in a restaurant booth, we don't need any reminders.
And don't ask me how much weight I've gained. If you volunteer your weight gain statistics to me, it doesn't mean I'm obligated to volunteer mine to you.
2. PERSONAL INFORMATION-
Believe it or not, I'm a very private person, especially in regards to the intimate details of my body. The more I feel pushed into giving information, the more I retreat and submit vague information, or retort with a hormone-induced snarky response. So, it should be no surprise to you, when you come to me at 36 weeks pregnant and ask me if my cervix is dilated if I punch you in the face. :) No, I won't punch you, but I may ask you about your cervix, if that's OK. And if you don't have a cervix, you definitely should not be asking that question!
Don't ask me about stretch marks, nipple secretions, mucus plug, and the like. Again, I will gladly ask you the question right back, and I doubt you want to talk about any of those things either. True?
And stop telling me to have sex to induce labor, geesh.
3. LABOR STORIES -
3. LABOR STORIES -
"I was ripped from end to end"
"You're planning on going natural? Haha, good luck with that"
Save the horrow stories, please. Yes, I've been told, watched videos, and read lots of books on what is about to happen to me. I don't need anymore negative reinforcements, I just want to be encouraged. It's one thing to share the reality of your birth story with me, and I'll be happy to hear it. It's another thing to go around fearmongering and leave me begging for a c-section.
4. YOU'RE STILL PREGNANT?!? -
No. That's a basketball I shoved up my shirt because I want YOUR attention. Seriously? If you see me, and I still look like I've got a baby in there, and I'm not holding a baby in arms, it's safe to assume that, yes, I'm still pregnant.
Do you really think I have that much control over the situation? Do you think your comment will maybe you will magically induce labor? Probably not.
Most likely, I feel hot, fat, hormonal, miserable and achy and I'm completely uncomfortable with even more attention being drawn to me. Recently, someone made this comment to me, and before I could think about my response, I replied with "And you still have a big mouth?". If you are OK with getting a response like this, go ahead and ask this question.
What we want to hear instead:
- You're doing a great job
- I can't wait to see you with your beautiful baby. I can tell that you are going to be a great mom
- Labor? You CAN do it!
- You look beautiful
- You're glowing
 |
| Hot, swollen, 38 weeks pregnant, ready to meet my baby |
Did you get any weird comments when you were pregnant?
posted by Uniquely Normal Mom @ 2:39 PM
11 Comments
11 Comments:
Yep, ALL THE TIME because...I look like I'm giving birth to twins when I'm prego. I get HUGE! When people would ask to rub my belly I'd say, "Sure and you might as well rub these too(pointing to my breast) because they have grown too!" And then then would decline rubbing both the belly and breast.
I got asked all the same questions, it's almost like people don't know what to say, so they say something, anything and it's usually the wrong thing. :)
I LOVED this post! Thanks for broadcasting what the too-quite-and-"nice" ones of us can't say because don't have the courage!
I LOVED this post! Thanks for broadcasting what the too-quite-and-"nice" ones of us can't say because don't have the courage!
I love the part about fitting properly in a booth. I had that happen to me where I didn't fit with my big pregnant belly and I left in tears because the lady at the booth next to us thought it would help to make comments about it. It was a horrible feeling!!!!
Also, I was aske if I was carrying a litter. I didn't care for that at all!
I KNOW!!!! Let's NOT talk about my cervix, thankyouverymuch! I am continually shocked at how many people will ask without any hesitation, "so, are you dilated yet?" Men AND women!!
Since I have several children, I get horrible comments like "don't you know what causes that?" (as if it's a disease and I should have had better hand-washing habits) and "oh my WORD!! You guys need a TV!!!" (as if we're are non-stop addicts). I also hear VERY often, "better you than me!" and I want to say, "yeah, maybe so..."
Another weird thing that's been on my mind lately, though, is this one, "Really??? You don't even look pregnant/I can't even tell!" When I tell you I'm 20 weeks and you say you can't even tell I'm pregnant, this does nothing for my sense of body image.
I agree with you, Genevieve, can't go wrong with the encouraging comments like "you look great", "can't wait to meet that baby!", and near the very end when every day seems three weeks long--"it won't be much longer till you're holding that baby!"
Pregnancy is like being part of a club you didn't know you had joined! Suddenly you're washing your hands in a public washroom and the woman next to you is sharing her birth story.
I have heard every weight comment you listed above. The ironic thing is that I am almost 7 months pregnant and have only gianed six pounds. I'm all baby! I have learned to tune them out and only hear the affirmations.
I also find it interesting that when I see other pregnant women they NEVER comment. We tend to give each other a smile or little nod in mutual respect of our pregnancies.
Salena, you are hilarious!!! I bet that sure did keep people from touching you!
Oh, Becca, that is horrible! :( Some people....
I bet you're heard it all, Melissa. It would be one thing if YOU (a seasoned mother, who has my good in mind) asked me about my cervix, but strangers who just want the dirt??? Nope, don't talk to me about it!
Good for you that you are finding the positive, Jill! And you are so right: pregnant women just give each other that 'knowing' nod and slight smile. :)
I don't remember getting comments that I didn't want to hear from anyone. But then, I'm one of those people that is extremely blunt, and if a stranger asks me a question about my cervix or mucus plug or whatever, I will tell them. In horrible gory detail if I can. Partly because I like to gross people out, and partly because that's what happens, and there is no reason to be embarrassed about it (not saying you were/are, just my philosophy).
ANYWAY. One weird comment: I worked at a health food store while pregnant, and we got a lot of weird customers in. I never got very big, so never got the "You're HUGE!" comments from strangers. No comments at all, actually, unless I said something first, except for this guy. He looked at me and said "You are heavy with child." "Yep. About 7 months." "Your child will be very blessed to have you as a mother." I had never seen or spoken to this man before! But, while strange, I was also flattered.
I did get a lot of "You're really that far along? You're tiny!" which isn't what I wanted to hear, because I've always wanted to be one of those super big pregnant ladies.
Ah yes, I never get sick of educating people on what NOT to say to a pregnant woman. I got so sick of my body being everybody's business. But by far the worst comment I ever got was during the first trimester of my second pregnancy. "So are you going to get huge again this time?" And that was from a fellow pregnant lady!
Pregnancy is like being part of a club you didn't know you had joined! Suddenly you're washing your hands in a public washroom and the woman next to you is sharing her birth story.
I have heard every weight comment you listed above. The ironic thing is that I am almost 7 months pregnant and have only gianed six pounds. I'm all baby! I have learned to tune them out and only hear the affirmations.
I also find it interesting that when I see other pregnant women they NEVER comment. We tend to give each other a smile or little nod in mutual respect of our pregnancies.
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